Seeing Psychiatrist For The First Time Since Freezing In Therapy

[Hypothermia2012]

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. I love my psychiatrist, he's so gentle and caring and he is excellent with trauma. Anyway, on Monday, in his office I froze. COMPLETELY. I was skin picking on my fingers which he picked up as a sign that I needed to SH .So, he ran and got me some ice to hold onto. I was holding it and he was typing something on his computer to send to my school , then all of a sudden , everything is fading away, I can't see, hear, or feel the ice in my hand. I was in his office that day for 3 hours, I can only remember 20 minutes of it. When he "got me back" the first thing I saw /heard was him snapping his fingers close to my ear , and I could see his lips forming the words "you're okay here" . When I was finally back, and knew where I was, and who he was, and who I was... All I could say was "I'm sorry" .. I feel like a complete dumbass. Has anyone else had this happen to them, and then felt really uncomfortable going back for therapy? I need therapy....God do I need therapy...but my anxiety is telling me not to go.

 

[LifeOnARollerCoaster]

I understand how you feel. My experience was different but the anxiety about returning to therapy was the same.

Mine happened with an addiction counselor I was seeing. I had told her repeatedly that I thought I was dealing with PTSD (this was before I was formally diagnosed) but I don't think she really understood what I meant because I seem very rational. And I am very rational - until the second that I'm not.

Anyway, she kept pushing on my exact trigger and my body language as the session progressed was pretty sad - for example, I was holding my hands in front of my body like I was trying to push her away to protect myself. Then I snapped into hysteria with a heavy serving of wheeling off into space. I was devastated. It took weeks to shake the aftermath and longer than that to be brave enough to see a therapist again.

I think it is completely awesome that you are going back so soon despite feeling anxious. I don't know you from a hill of beans but will be thinking about you all the same tomorrow.

ETA - And now I see that I am replying to this looooong after the fact. I'm new here. I'll learn.

 

[Friday]

Yeah... I had a pretty gnarly flashback/disassociation spell that lasted a few hours in a new therapists office when I was looking for a trauma therapist last year. No fun.

Upside... I didn't know it but he specializes in DID (not listed anywhere in his profile, nor mentioned when I phone-screened him). I'm not DID. Dude was not only pushing really hard to put me in that box, but he kept doing things that were pushing me harder into zoning out and flashing, rather than help pull me out.

So, overall? It was a good thing. If he & I had clicked or even if he'd helped me outta where I was stuck in... Then at the very least he'd have seen first hand what I was struggling with the most. As the opposite happened? Let me learn right quick, that this guy wasn't someone I wanted to work with. Good to know! :D Bit of a bummer, I'd far rather have found someone like your guy, but such is life.

 

[Justmehere]

It's happened to me 3 times. I checked out so bad once, I didn't know where I was when I came out of it. I was just staring off into space every time. my experience of it was a lot like you describe. The first and last time it happened were in therapy offices where the therapist knew what was happening and did the same types of things your doc did.

I was scared to go back, but I did, and it was very worth it. They helped me understand what happened and we worked through it. Your doc sounds amazing, and I hope you go back and are able to take in a little of his compassionate understanding.

 

[LifeOnARollerCoaster]

Just wanted to check in to let you know that I was thinking about you and hope the therapy session went well despite your fears.

If you didn't make it back because of anxiety be kind to yourself. We have to accept where we are today and keep trying for a better tomorrow.