I went to the local farmer's market yesterday to pick up the pet food for the week. My guys are on a raw diet and I get the bulk of their food from a local source. I have issues with small open air markets. Not sure why, though I think that's coming into focus with the work I'm doing now. But let's just say, it takes a lot of energy and willpower to get out of my car and walk into a market.
Yesterday the vendors had moved from the sidewalk where they've been all winter to the grassy area. This makes so much sense in so many ways - more space, sunlight, more visibility from the street. But when I drove past the market going into the parking lot, I started freaking out. And walking into the circle of vendors was horrible. I have a challenge with remembering faces so location is essential. That is how I get to the vendor I need. But yesterday she had moved and was at the farthest place from the entrance. I managed to look normal, get the meat, and start to leave. Usually I'll pick up eggs and veges but things were starting to spin and looked like Tom Petty's Alice in Wonderland video.
Right as I made it to the 'exit' to go back to the parking lot, there was my therapist. She said something like, "Hi! Getting your rabbit?" She had a big smile and her hands were full of bags and a jug of apple cider. For a second I felt trapped. I think I smiled and said yep and kept walking. That's when the mumbling started. "Hate life. Hate life. Hate life." that's still continuing today. I looked back and T was walking back to her car on the other side of the road, eyebrow furrowed, head down. No idea if she heard my mumbling mantra.
Anyway. I see her this afternoon and I'm sure I'll talk to her about my zoning out and Wonderland experience. Just curious if there was any feedback. I've seen her before out in the real world - at a concert, the vet office, grocery store. It's always been a little weird but I've never flipped into the hating life mantra. I think it was just combined with everything else. And I don't think I immediately recognized her - that might have something to do with it.
In the office today and the perceptions are still askew so it'll be a long day. Got four more hours till I can go home and work the day out.
Yesterday the vendors had moved from the sidewalk where they've been all winter to the grassy area. This makes so much sense in so many ways - more space, sunlight, more visibility from the street. But when I drove past the market going into the parking lot, I started freaking out. And walking into the circle of vendors was horrible. I have a challenge with remembering faces so location is essential. That is how I get to the vendor I need. But yesterday she had moved and was at the farthest place from the entrance. I managed to look normal, get the meat, and start to leave. Usually I'll pick up eggs and veges but things were starting to spin and looked like Tom Petty's Alice in Wonderland video.
Right as I made it to the 'exit' to go back to the parking lot, there was my therapist. She said something like, "Hi! Getting your rabbit?" She had a big smile and her hands were full of bags and a jug of apple cider. For a second I felt trapped. I think I smiled and said yep and kept walking. That's when the mumbling started. "Hate life. Hate life. Hate life." that's still continuing today. I looked back and T was walking back to her car on the other side of the road, eyebrow furrowed, head down. No idea if she heard my mumbling mantra.
Anyway. I see her this afternoon and I'm sure I'll talk to her about my zoning out and Wonderland experience. Just curious if there was any feedback. I've seen her before out in the real world - at a concert, the vet office, grocery store. It's always been a little weird but I've never flipped into the hating life mantra. I think it was just combined with everything else. And I don't think I immediately recognized her - that might have something to do with it.
In the office today and the perceptions are still askew so it'll be a long day. Got four more hours till I can go home and work the day out.
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