Relationship Seeking As The Supporter Of A Love

[Samantha Parker]

As a partner of someone suffering with PTSD, I would like to understand what my partner is going through and find ways of helping him instead of hindering him.

It is extremely difficult as it is a new relationship (1& half years) and it only emerged a few months ago that he was suffering from PTSD. His trauma's are a difficult marriage leading to divorce and him losing his home and children and also his father passed away nearly 2 years ago.

What he is struggling with right now is being in a relationship as he thinks he would be better off single and to just get on with it so he is constantly pushing me away. He tells me he wants to break up but when I tell him to tell me to leave he doesn't. I know he loves me and he tells me, but he struggles with emotion and affection which admittedly I do find frustrating and as I am the one person he is closest to every day, he takes things out on me. I then become defensive which is the wrong thing to do as I need to just sit and listen to him.

Can you please advise me of what I can do to help him and save our relationship. I adore the man and I don't want to break up. He is due to go to his GP on Monday for his review as he is on anti-depressants which don't appear to be working.

I believe he needs CBT. I would appreciate any help.
Yours sincerely
Samantha

 

[amethist]

Hi Samantha

I think you should read the following linked thread, it may help you to understand how even good stress like a relationship can cause them problems.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/[/DLMURL]

Some find relationships hard because of their PTSD, some struggle on and keep going, others try but still cannot stay.

I hope you can save your relationship, though it is him who may well decide in the end if he stays or not, no matter what you say or do.

Take care of yourself what ever happens.

Amethist.

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Samantha

Without prying, has your partner been officially diagnosed with PTSD? The reason I ask is your brief account of trauma doesn't make anything stand out which would cause PTSD other than perhaps what happened within "the difficult marriage"?

I would also suggest you take a moment to read this [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/wiki/misdiagnosis/[/DLMURL] as normally a relationship breakdown and the loss of contact with children are not considered abnormal trauma nor is a death of a parent. Again, if the marriage was filled with abuse then that puts a different perspective on it.

Please do not feel that I am doubting you; I am just trying to understand more in order to comment.

Thanks

 

[JohnJohn]

Sam,

I am sure you are going through a lot and the above threads are on point. Whatever the origin of your problem you must take care of yourself and understand that you can not be the only one to save the relationship.

Supporters do the best they can supporting loved ones, but sufferers must own their part of the issue also.

With that in mind (balance and taking care of your needs too) I would suggest you continuing to talk and think things out here and anywhere you can empower your self. If you are strong then you make yourslf a better supporter and have a stronger position to work from.

Hang in there and take care. This site will help you understand that you are not alone and others here may have different reasons for being here, but we all have similar emotions, pain, difficulties and in the end goals of helping loved ones.