Selected isolation - how's that working?

[AngelaMarie]

(((Erica))) I feel for you. Sometimes the first step forward out of a unhealthy situation takes doing it over and over again. I don't doubt you are trying to do the best. Please remember that if you handle things the right way you don't mean harm to anyone....including yourself. IMHO because I have SO much to learn.

 

[Helliepig]

Making this kind of move is scary, it's stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something that feels tabboo. Anxiety is normal. I always tell people they have to make friends with their anxiety, because each time you take a step in a new healthy direction, you get to feel anxious. You can't change the internal or external status quo and feel ok at the same time.

Sometimes it feels like you're driving the wrong way down a motorway, and the only thing that keeps you going is the inner knowledge somewhere you're doing the right thing. Change like this is not easy. It does get easier the more you do it.... and one day you will look back on this and wonder why it was so hard.

 

[heidi]

I always tell people they have to make friends with their anxiety, because each time you take a step in a new healthy direction, you get to feel anxious. You can't change the internal or external status quo and feel ok at the same time..

That's very wise.

 

[emmacub]

I frequently take 'time out', sometimes through dissociation-that's not always conscious-when there's a lot on my mind.
Everybody, PTSD or not, is entitled to taking time for themselves. No-one can keep juggling everyday life without some kind of break!

Maybe use a code word of your choice to indicate to those around you that you need a little space. That will assure them that you're not cutting them off, ignoring them or are angry with them in any way.

I hope this helps a bit :)

 

[ericaboo]

I really have appreciated all the input. Thanks :)

To update: I haven't heard a peep from my family after my second round of telling my Mom to lay off the almost mandatory communication she was demanding. This is odd, but here's what I really want to share with all of you:

Before I stopped talking to my Mom, I would go to therapy and feel a horrible guilt - a feeling as if I was making my trauma up - that it it was a huge lie and betrayal. I couldn't experience my own personal reality without the voices of my Mom haunting and influencing me.

Now - after just a few weeks of not speaking with her, it's like a complete turnaround. My reality is mine. I can talk about the trauma completely from my own point of view, with no interference whatsoever in my mind from her and what I think she would say or think. A weight is lifted and there has been a bit a relief in my life. A babystep at least.

I sent her a mothers day card, and hope the separation is not a permanent thing. But what I did - it WAS the right decision for me.

Also - the support I received from the members of this forum were extremely helpful in bolstering my confidence to allow me to make such a move. Thank you, and thanks to those who created and maintain this resource.