My husband has PTSD with a nasty flare up a few months ago that had some serious self destructive behavior. To make things worse due to a lot of circumstances, mainly military we live in separate states. He was here for a visit last week. Overall it went all. I still feel like I’m in limbo. We’ve decided to have simple, stress conversations during the week and one serious conversation a week about where we are and how we are doing. Today will be for the serious discussion.
This started out well because before I never knew from one conversation to another how it would go. The first few months especially the weeks I was left in crippling anxiety. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I’ve lost 30 pounds since March. I couldn’t focus at school, my instructors took pity on me and have been incredibly helpful and more understanding than they should be. Thanks to that, providing I pass the finals this week I will pass the classes. It may be with Cs and not my usual As, but I will take it.
Despite all that, this week I’ve been bouncing around between being angry and apathetic. I’ve been having awful hypothetical conversations with him in my head where I’m just awful and vile. Things I want to say that I don’t mean. Purely for the sake being mean and hateful. That worries me because that isn’t me. I’ve been thinking about it and I think it’s because I like to be prepared for the worst case scenario. I think I’ve just been bracing and preparing for this to horribly wrong. I’ve been reminding myself of all the little things he has said and done this week that have been positive to pull myself out of it. That helps for a while. Does anyone else do that? Has anyone else tried to plan out serious discussion like this, how did it go?
I hope this works. It gives us time to think about what we really want to say. I have a list I’ve been making all week. I’ve prioritized it, I’ve rehearsed, anything that sounded negative I’ve reworded so hopefully it doesn’t come across as a criticism.
Happy Mother’s Day! As of today, thanks to stress, I’m now 1 pound under pre-pregnancy weight.
This started out well because before I never knew from one conversation to another how it would go. The first few months especially the weeks I was left in crippling anxiety. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I’ve lost 30 pounds since March. I couldn’t focus at school, my instructors took pity on me and have been incredibly helpful and more understanding than they should be. Thanks to that, providing I pass the finals this week I will pass the classes. It may be with Cs and not my usual As, but I will take it.
Despite all that, this week I’ve been bouncing around between being angry and apathetic. I’ve been having awful hypothetical conversations with him in my head where I’m just awful and vile. Things I want to say that I don’t mean. Purely for the sake being mean and hateful. That worries me because that isn’t me. I’ve been thinking about it and I think it’s because I like to be prepared for the worst case scenario. I think I’ve just been bracing and preparing for this to horribly wrong. I’ve been reminding myself of all the little things he has said and done this week that have been positive to pull myself out of it. That helps for a while. Does anyone else do that? Has anyone else tried to plan out serious discussion like this, how did it go?
I hope this works. It gives us time to think about what we really want to say. I have a list I’ve been making all week. I’ve prioritized it, I’ve rehearsed, anything that sounded negative I’ve reworded so hopefully it doesn’t come across as a criticism.
Happy Mother’s Day! As of today, thanks to stress, I’m now 1 pound under pre-pregnancy weight.
