Luna_Moth
Silver Member
For the past several years, I have struggled with emotional numbness and loss of pleasure in a multitude of activities. Because of this, I have been diagnosed with Major Depression before I received a diagnosis for C-PTSD.
When I was a small child I felt happiness and pleasure in my activities, but I was also heavily disassociated a majority of the time. It got so bad to the point where I couldn’t learn anything in school and was therefore diagnosed with ADHD when I apparently didn’t actually have it. A therapist of mine told me that my prefrontal cortex might have been under so much stress that I was unable to function in an academic setting.
When I was put under ADHD stimulant medications I was able to concentrate, but that caused a lot of stress on my mind and body to the point I developed Insomnia.
As I went through puberty, my pleasure for things in life grew less and less. I started to feel numb towards everything and everyone and I’m still pretty much that way at 30.
It’s only gotten worse when my family recently decided to trigger me and side with my grandmother by saying she was speaking the truth about me not having trauma. They went out of their way to make me feel guilty for cutting her off and now I really don’t want to even try to do anything that would bring me joy. I speak more about it in one of my posts where I rant about my relationships with my family members.
I also struggle with chronic pain and perfectionism. I’ve come to learn that perfectionism can be a coping mechanism for perceived abandonment. It has seeped into every aspect of my life. I was, and still am, terrified of making mistakes or being perceived as flawed. A lot of this has to do with my religious upbringing and narcissistic abuse that I’ve endured.
So I’m not sure if it’s a chemical imbalance, perfectionism, the chronic pain, or a combination of everything. All I know is that it creates a vicious cycle, and only gets worse when I go through anything that induces stress in my mind and body.
When I was a small child I felt happiness and pleasure in my activities, but I was also heavily disassociated a majority of the time. It got so bad to the point where I couldn’t learn anything in school and was therefore diagnosed with ADHD when I apparently didn’t actually have it. A therapist of mine told me that my prefrontal cortex might have been under so much stress that I was unable to function in an academic setting.
When I was put under ADHD stimulant medications I was able to concentrate, but that caused a lot of stress on my mind and body to the point I developed Insomnia.
As I went through puberty, my pleasure for things in life grew less and less. I started to feel numb towards everything and everyone and I’m still pretty much that way at 30.
It’s only gotten worse when my family recently decided to trigger me and side with my grandmother by saying she was speaking the truth about me not having trauma. They went out of their way to make me feel guilty for cutting her off and now I really don’t want to even try to do anything that would bring me joy. I speak more about it in one of my posts where I rant about my relationships with my family members.
I also struggle with chronic pain and perfectionism. I’ve come to learn that perfectionism can be a coping mechanism for perceived abandonment. It has seeped into every aspect of my life. I was, and still am, terrified of making mistakes or being perceived as flawed. A lot of this has to do with my religious upbringing and narcissistic abuse that I’ve endured.
So I’m not sure if it’s a chemical imbalance, perfectionism, the chronic pain, or a combination of everything. All I know is that it creates a vicious cycle, and only gets worse when I go through anything that induces stress in my mind and body.
