Sex and ptsd

[Changing4Best]

I have a lot of issues with sex, and it’s only been recently that I’ve begun to notice the extent of these issues and how they’re connected to my trauma. My sexual assault was my first sexual experience and my body reacted in ways I did not want it to. In my mind I know that sex isn’t dirty, that it should be liberating and freeing. But there’s something there that has me feeling ashamed or embarrassed when sex starts to feel good. Another thing is I’m not good at initiating sex. Even when I really really want it, it’s like i’m always waiting for the other person to make the first moves. This has caused a lot of problems in relationships. My sex drive also fluctuates between absolutely nothing to hyper sexual which has also caused a lot of problems in my current relationship — although that bit could be due in part to the bipolar disorder.

I haven’t really worked through much of my sexual trauma in therapy yet. I’ve been with this current t for about 6 months, and it’s not something I’ve talked with previous t’s about. I have a lot of shame and weird feelings around sex so it’s hard to talk about in therapy. But something that impacts my sex life a lot is the body memories/flashbacks. Sometimes my partner will try to initiate sex and just the feel of a hand on my thigh or butt will send me into a frozen state of panic. What’s worse is I feel guilty about having these flashbacks and issues surrounding sex, because I know my partner gets insecure and thinks that I just don’t want anything to do with them sexually, even though I’ve tried to explain that that’s not the case and I’ve just got all these f*cked up issues due to past traumas. Bleh.

When I find it hard to talk about sex in therapy, I journal about it or I paint a painting about it or I write a poem maybe. I give what I have written to my T. and let her keep it, if it seems too personal to have laying around the house.

Your first paragraph above, I could have almost written word for word. I have, however, worked through a fair amount of stuff to do with sex in therapy. My life is going a lot better since. I do feel I still have more of a way to go though. Time will tell.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I have difficulty talking about sex in therapy because my counselor is a woman, and quite attractive. So I don't, at least not much, not that she shuts me down but for so many years when I had a female counselor and needed to discuss sex problems they did shut me down, claiming I was making advances on them. Which is 110% bullshit. So it's very difficult, to say the least.

 

[Changing4Best]

It is possible that this one might not shut you down @cactus_jack so if you are able, bring up the times in the past that you were shut down and why and explain that you really were NOT doing that and really needed help, AND need help now too, and would she help you with this, or maybe recommend a book that might or something. Because it is unfair for you to miss out on something that you need help with because of this!

 

[Kopykat]

I haven’t had sexual trauma. I’ve had physical and emotional. I find I dissociate and disconnect. I feel like I have to have a sex life at times so I’ll pressure myself to find someone so I can feel normal. But I don’t feel normal. I feel nothing. Emotionally and physically. I’m not sure if this makes sense.