Sex with therapist

[lostforgottensoul]

@Toralu312 I never felt damaged either, for years. But moving on is a good thing. So I am happy for you!

 

[Toralu312]

@Toralu312 I never felt damaged either, for years. But moving on i...

Thank you :) and thank you to everyone who has offered me their advice and support on here!! Wow!!!

 

[Deleted member 39814]

Hi All,
I am hoping to get feedback from you about sex with my therapist. He is 68 and I am 35. I hav...

I have helped people since I was 14 years old, sometimes perfect strangers would pour out their hearts. I guess some people just have the face that people trust. Eight years ago I qualified as a hypnotherapist which gives me an additional tool to deal with problems. I have encountered transference many many times. Although I never acted on it, there was times as a teenager I found it very flattering but the older we get the more we see it for what it is. You responded to someone who showed concern to you and that is perfectly understandable. The truth is, he may have done the same. Maybe he needed someone to show him a bit of care and understanding. I hope he gets some help and I hope you have learned from your experience that the way your father and husband treated you was not reality, they had their own problems which, sadly, caused you suffering. Maybe now you can take your experiences and grow stronger and more confident. Nobody can put you down without your permission.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Maybe he needed someone to show him a bit of care and understanding.

He should have dated someone that wasn't a client! The man should have very serious consequences!

 

[Toralu312]

I have helped people since I was 14 years old, sometimes perfect strangers would pour out their heart...

This made me teary - thank you so much.

 

[GWhizz]

My therapist loves many things about me but if he then allowed and replied to my come ons (it...

Yes because so many of us are guilty of acting out such feelings towards a T. Even I've had romantic feelings towards my female T although I'm not otherwise attracted to women! Thankfully yours has managed it professionally so not to cause any damage.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thankfully yours has managed it professionally so not to cause any damage.

ALL therapists should have a boundry to not act on it and to talk about it and lay very strict boundries. All! If that therapist doesn't then you need a new therapist! I have had sex with therapists and it is extremely damaging and therapists know this (including the OPs) as they are taught about transference and counter transference including erotic transference/counter transference. They are also supervised for this reason. Huge red flag if your therapist doesn't handle it in a gentle but professional way!

 

[anonymous]

What he done was extremely wrong and I can't help but wonder if he's done it to others in the past

Here are some examples of other therapists who behaved unethically

Withdrawal of Membership/Registration - BACP Professional Conduct

 

[GWhizz]

ALL therapists should have a boundry to not act on it and to talk about it and lay very stric...

Totally. Maybe you took me up wrong but I was actually agreeing with you! And saying how so many of us experience that erotic transference even towards the same sex when it's not otherwise something regular to us. I have never broached this with my T because it's not something I'm comfortable with. Plus I recognise it for all that it is. And I have those needs met by my longterm partner.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

erotic transference even towards the same sex when it's not otherwise something regular to us

Oh yeah, it can happen with any gender and any sexual preference. It's not about gender or sexual preference so those telling a famle to go with a female therapist to avoid it doesn't avoid it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Not sure if this is just avoiding the elephant in the room, but has anyone actually mentioned the guidelines are in place because the T is in a position of power and authority, and the client with ptsd is mentally ill?

Transferance is not romance, and taking advantage opportunistically because of profession or standing is not respectful, loving or ethical.

Two years is virtually nothing in a healthy relationship; a dynamic frought with unravelling trauma takes much, much longer.

JMHO.

 

[Toralu312]

Not sure if this is just avoiding the elephant in the room, but has anyone actually mentioned the guidel...

I suppose I should give you all an update on what has happened. We ran into each other last week near his office. My divorce mediator is located very close to his office, not by choice. Anyway I got out of the meeting and ran into him. We went up to his office to talk. He explained some things and gave me some pretty good validation and closure, and after about 20 minutes of talking his ex business partner, who still works in his office as they are sorting out the details , walked in. She began yelling at me and swearing at me and then yelling at him and swearing at him. She called the police and told them that I went to her office to harass her. None of this is true, I have never met her before, I have never seen her before, I don't want anything to do with her, I just wanted to talk to him. So I started leaving and he said I'll come with you, just wait I'll come with you. So we walked out of the building together and he said to me you know what she's going to do now right? And I said no. And he said she's going to report me now. Then he said but if she does then that means I can start seeing you again.

So I guess the reason that I'm telling you this is because it's clear that I have been treated poorly by him and also by her. Her treatment of me was so unprofessional, it reminded me of how I'm treated at home. It's also worth it to note that they had a relationship for about 10 years and it only ended about a year ago. He has always been single (divorced) for 12 years and she was married but had an open relationship with him.

I walked into a hornet's nest. I am still processing what happened last week. I still feel rejected by him and sad we can't be together, and I feel disrespected by her. Wow!