Sexuality Issues?

[Ice_Fire]

I know this will ring a bell with some members and, well, I just need to get it out in the open at last. If there is already a thread on this that I've missed, please point me in the right direction!

The relationship I'm in at the moment, is, brilliant. I love my boyfriend and want to be with him. There's no dispute with that. So...what's the problem? Well, I have always had girls/women in my life that, I've had feelings for. Wondered about. Really confusing and I don't know how to reconcile these differing emotions. I have no intention of cheating on my bf, I just, don't know what to think.

I'm starting to think that the odd 'girl crush' wasn't just 'a teenage phase'?

 

[Nyx]

Have you ever tried to act on it? I think that would clear things up...

Are you now having a crush on a girl?

 

[Ice_Fire]

No, I haven't tried to act on it. It probably would clear things up, but I don't want to cheat so...

Yeah :oops: I have a crush on a girl.

 

[cherryblossom]

Perhaps it is just a teenage thing, but unless you try it, you might never know, and always wonder.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Yes, perhaps just a teenage thing. I want to try it, so I'm not always wondering. But then again, I love Dec and don't want to hurt him, which this would.

:confused:

 

[Broken2]

I experienced that myself. Rather than offer advice, I'm going to offer my experience. If you find anything useful, all the better. If not, you'll have some things to cross off the list of possibilities for where this is coming from.

I happened to have an opportunity to explore that with someone I trusted and felt safe with (as dangerous as I understand men to be I find women more treacherous...yeah so I'm kinda screwed there). Interesting and everything, but no.

I haven't discussed it with my T at all...from where I'm standing I don't see myself ever discussing any sexual issues with her, but I'm standing on the wrong side of the abuse disclosure line in the sand. I've talked about some pretty humiliating things that have happened to me, but we're not going there any time soon.

After having a good deal of time and distance to examine it all, I came to a couple of likely conclusions, which aren't mutually exclusive:

Power and control. There doesn't feel like as significant a differential. Meaning I have more of it.

It ain't really about sex. I want more to know what it's like to be her than to be with her.

Confusion between sex and intimacy. I find intimacy VERY difficult to achieve, and it is tenuous--almost impossible to maintain. But sex is often a way to achieve and enhance intimacy for normal people, right? Right? Hmmm...

My money's on this being more about intimacy than a sexual thing. You've got mother issues. From early on in your life when you're supposed to learn what emotional connections are all about and what they mean and how to build them. I could be projecting (same deal for me over here)...

(Now I really AM projecting here for a sec, but valid questions for you just the same) So one question I'd be asking is what exactly would you want from her if you could have anything you wanted, really? When I asked that of myself I found that, more than sexual gratification, I wished I could curl up in her arms, or on her lap, listen to her heartbeat, to the sound of her voice, low and mild.

And the bubble pops right about there...weird as it sounds, it's more appropriate to want to sleep with her than any of that other stuff. 'Cause I'm all grown up and everything.

Then again it could all be a teenage thing...:D

Dunno if any of that resonates, but I can say that exploring a sexual relationship with anyone would be inappropriate so long as you are in one already. You've already said that. I second the notion.

 

[danthedjman]

I love myself and no abuse will take that love of myself away. From Dan, new member.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Power and control. There doesn't feel like as significant a differential. Meaning I have more of it.

It ain't really about sex. I want more to know what it's like to be her than to be with her.

I'll be honest, I'm not quite sure what you mean? Having more what, control, power, both? Hmm, I don't think I want to be her, or try to be, but I want to be with her. But...I think it might be more to do with being important to her, feeling like I matter to her.

Confusion between sex and intimacy. I find intimacy VERY difficult to achieve, and it is tenuous--almost impossible to maintain. But sex is often a way to achieve and enhance intimacy for normal people, right? Right? Hmmm...

Hmmm indeed. I think I'm struggling to know the difference between the two. Or, at least, I know there is a difference, but I don't quite understand it. Maybe that's why I don't know whether I 'just' want to be intimate with her without sex....or whether sex is part of that?

My money's on this being more about intimacy than a sexual thing. You've got mother issues. From early on in your life when you're supposed to learn what emotional connections are all about and what they mean and how to build them.

You have a good point here. I've no real idea what emotional connections are, or how to build them or anything. The 'best' (well, only) emotional connection I had with my mother was when I'd 'been good' and got 'rewarded' sexually. So...maybe that's it.

When I asked that of myself I found that, more than sexual gratification, I wished I could curl up in her arms, or on her lap, listen to her heartbeat, to the sound of her voice, low and mild.

And the bubble pops right about there...weird as it sounds, it's more appropriate to want to sleep with her than any of that other stuff. 'Cause I'm all grown up and everything.

Yeah, this resonates a lot with me I think. I guess I just want to be close with her. How close? Is the question.

Haha, yes, having said all this, it could just be a teenage thing! But...either way, it's unlikely I'll find out and I hope not, because as long as I don't, it means I'm still with Dec. :love:Just don't know if he'd freak out if I tried to talk to him about it. Part of me wants to, because I love him, trust him, just, want to share it. But...I dunno. I'm holding myself back in case he thinks I'm gonna run off with a girl or something.

 

[Nyx]

I was about to suggest you talk to him, but your last post tells me you don't really want to. I hope things work themselves out. Take care.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Well, I do want to talk to him, I'm just, scared of getting rejected. As usual :rolleyes:

 

[Nyx]

You don't trust him or yourself here?

 

[Ice_Fire]

I don't know. Myself more I think :(