A bit new to the site here, but I'm having an absolutely terrible time and need some help, and fast.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD (along with other chronic panic and anxiety disorders and whatnot). I have my doubts about the diagnosis, but that's likely my paranoia; I've been through some serious crap and PTSD does not surprise me.
About 4 or 5 months ago, I was removed from my home, which was more of a prison. For the past 6 years I was in a largely mentally abusive relationship. This is my second DV situation in ten years; the first was physical and mental. In any case, the cops were called, and I left. I got out, and I am beyond proud of myself. That being said, I lost my home. I lost many of the keepsakes that comforted me, all of my clothing and belongings. The only thing I took with me was my dog, and the dog was the reason the cops were called to begin with. He wanted to take the dog from me and leave the state.
He's not the point, though. That's over, done-with, and gone. While I'm still dealing with 6 years worth of problems caused by him, he's beyond my problems right now. When I moved out of there, I moved into my hoarder mother's house. The house is filled to the brim and an absolute health nightmare. In very short order, I met a guy at school who has been absolutely amazing in terms of helping me recover. I moved in with him very quickly.
I don't regret moving in with him; I regret moving into the apartment. It's a shared living situation with three other college kids. Mind you, my only other alternative is not an option; I'm not willing to risk my health at my mother's home. Living in this shared situation is much better than with my mother, but I can see that it's causing me some mental issues.
I can't sleep. When the roommate that shares our half of the home enters the room, I instantly wake up. My boyfriend could be playing guitar or drums for all I care and I don't wake up. But the roommate breathes and I can hear it from across the house. I've been to the hospital 3 times for exhaustion and insomnia so bad I couldn't drive myself to work. My boyfriend recalls me speaking to "my people" more often than usual about things that were absolutely ridiculous.
I can't eat. I'm afraid to go into the kitchen to make food. It seems whenever I try, three other roommates are all suddenly hungry and now need to be in the kitchen, which is way too small for even two people. We have almost no storage space for food which makes shopping difficult. I want to shop once a month and stay inside of the house as much as possible, but I can't even do a full shopping run. I would rather not eat, but this leads back into the sleeping issue where I am waking up hungry and reverting into anorexia. I've just recovered after 10 years of being underweight and I'm not willing to go back to that.
I can't work from home. I get off work, and there's eight people in the living room--our three roommates and at least one friend for each of them. The dining table is being used, the coffee table has feet on it, the couch is stuffed with people, and the only desk in the apartment is being used. I'm stressed about work. I like to work in my free time because it keeps me from idly worrying or picking at my skin.
How do I handle a situation like this where moving out may not be an option for a while? I have to put away around $6,000 to break the lease and put a deposit and first month down on a new place. That could easily take six months, and easily take longer than that. I'm tired, stressed, and I'm freaking out. I don't know how long I can survive with this level of panic before I end up in the hospital again. And, of course, the stress of stressing has me feeling even worse.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD (along with other chronic panic and anxiety disorders and whatnot). I have my doubts about the diagnosis, but that's likely my paranoia; I've been through some serious crap and PTSD does not surprise me.
About 4 or 5 months ago, I was removed from my home, which was more of a prison. For the past 6 years I was in a largely mentally abusive relationship. This is my second DV situation in ten years; the first was physical and mental. In any case, the cops were called, and I left. I got out, and I am beyond proud of myself. That being said, I lost my home. I lost many of the keepsakes that comforted me, all of my clothing and belongings. The only thing I took with me was my dog, and the dog was the reason the cops were called to begin with. He wanted to take the dog from me and leave the state.
He's not the point, though. That's over, done-with, and gone. While I'm still dealing with 6 years worth of problems caused by him, he's beyond my problems right now. When I moved out of there, I moved into my hoarder mother's house. The house is filled to the brim and an absolute health nightmare. In very short order, I met a guy at school who has been absolutely amazing in terms of helping me recover. I moved in with him very quickly.
I don't regret moving in with him; I regret moving into the apartment. It's a shared living situation with three other college kids. Mind you, my only other alternative is not an option; I'm not willing to risk my health at my mother's home. Living in this shared situation is much better than with my mother, but I can see that it's causing me some mental issues.
I can't sleep. When the roommate that shares our half of the home enters the room, I instantly wake up. My boyfriend could be playing guitar or drums for all I care and I don't wake up. But the roommate breathes and I can hear it from across the house. I've been to the hospital 3 times for exhaustion and insomnia so bad I couldn't drive myself to work. My boyfriend recalls me speaking to "my people" more often than usual about things that were absolutely ridiculous.
I can't eat. I'm afraid to go into the kitchen to make food. It seems whenever I try, three other roommates are all suddenly hungry and now need to be in the kitchen, which is way too small for even two people. We have almost no storage space for food which makes shopping difficult. I want to shop once a month and stay inside of the house as much as possible, but I can't even do a full shopping run. I would rather not eat, but this leads back into the sleeping issue where I am waking up hungry and reverting into anorexia. I've just recovered after 10 years of being underweight and I'm not willing to go back to that.
I can't work from home. I get off work, and there's eight people in the living room--our three roommates and at least one friend for each of them. The dining table is being used, the coffee table has feet on it, the couch is stuffed with people, and the only desk in the apartment is being used. I'm stressed about work. I like to work in my free time because it keeps me from idly worrying or picking at my skin.
How do I handle a situation like this where moving out may not be an option for a while? I have to put away around $6,000 to break the lease and put a deposit and first month down on a new place. That could easily take six months, and easily take longer than that. I'm tired, stressed, and I'm freaking out. I don't know how long I can survive with this level of panic before I end up in the hospital again. And, of course, the stress of stressing has me feeling even worse.
