I wasn’t sure whether I was going to share my story before I leave this site but I’ve decided to. For all you fairly new supporters I hope it might give you a bit of insight into how we might always be looking for answers and explanations but we will never really get them. It’s also important for those who are waiting for something that might never happen and isn’t guaranteed …
I met my ‘friend’ around 8 months ago on a dating app, the first 1-2 months were great, I wouldn’t go as far as saying love at first sight or that it was a magical whirlwind because I knew about his PTSD from fairly early on and he did say he doesn’t get close to people etc. But it was great we really did have a fantastic time, I did think he might just be for me. Anyway he went downhill in around October/November time, ended up in an in-patient program for two weeks of therapy and then he never moved back into the flat he lived in right near me, he moved back in with his family. We still saw each other, went on dates and spoke everyday. Sometimes he would isolate for a few days but would always message when he was better saying ‘sorry I haven’t been feeling well’. Throughout our time he has ‘broke-up’ with me several time, I use breaking-up loosely because we were never official and I was ok with that, I understood that was added pressure he just did not need.
The last time I saw him was Valentines Day, he told me he loved me and we had a fairly nice evening, from them on he was in and out of isolation (or so I thought). He kept re-iterating he couldn’t have a gf, never wanted to be in a relationship but then would say he loved me, I was special, that he cared for me and wanted me in his life. So, I stuck around and was there for him, I knew in March it was the anniversary of his Dads passing so it was a pretty shitty month for him, he rarely communicated and to me he was in a bad place.
Two weeks ago, on the phone he yet again said he loved me, I was special and that he was going to be a lone ranger forever. Last week … a girl uploaded a pic of them both on Instagram and then yesterday another where he had taken her to an expensive restaurant for her Birthday.
I am heartbroken. This is a very shortened version of events but essentially, I thought if I stuck around and showed him I cared enough then maybe one day he would come around and we could work through it together. When I confronted him he made out that he hasn’t done anything wrong, that he meant it AT THE TIME when he said he didn’t ever want a gf (but within a few days after that conversation he must have changed his mind). He said I was special and he cared for me and liked me and that I was making something out of nothing.
I don’t even know what to say, I know this is just my story and that everyone’s is different but I want to shout out to all you supporters who are sitting ducks, waiting, wondering, and researching … I have been a sitting duck for a good 5-6 months. I have worried and cried endlessly over his suffering, been sick with worry at if he’s ok or not, I’ve read numerous books, been on this website constantly, watched documentaries, listened to pod casts all for him to just meet someone else and not feel anything for me. I don’t know if he is guilty or sorry and it’s time for me to stop thinking about it, I have let this consume my life for too long. My self-esteem is currently at the bottom of a garbage pile and I need to work on building that back up right now, to feel not worthy of someone’s love and that there was someone better is hard especially when I poured a lot into trying to understand and be supportive.
I want all you sitting ducks to really think about how this is affecting your life, it’s not healthy to be waiting for something that has no guarantee. I’m not saying give up, I’m just asking that you try not to let this consume you, PTSD is already consuming one person let alone a secondary person. I’m asking you to really really look at the situation, how it is affecting you because it made me less sociable and a lot more reluctant to go out and be happy when I knew my sufferer was having a hard time. Then I got the ultimate pie in the face.
What I am trying to say is … no-one knows whether they will get back in touch or realize you’re the one and want to really work on PTSD and also a relationship at the same time, what I am asking is that you don’t waste time being consumed by wondering. Please live your life and come on this site to seek some solid advice not ask us all to be mystic meg. It’s natural to want people’s opinions but the reality is no one really knows, I hold my hands up at constantly wanting reassurance that when he’s isolating it’s him not me but in the end I have been made look stupid and naïve.
I also want to say a massive Thank You to everyone on here who has held my hand along this journey, there are some very special people on here and I have definitely made a firm friend on here also even if we live in different countries. So for all those who have listened, given advice and put up with my constant worrying and waffle – Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
I met my ‘friend’ around 8 months ago on a dating app, the first 1-2 months were great, I wouldn’t go as far as saying love at first sight or that it was a magical whirlwind because I knew about his PTSD from fairly early on and he did say he doesn’t get close to people etc. But it was great we really did have a fantastic time, I did think he might just be for me. Anyway he went downhill in around October/November time, ended up in an in-patient program for two weeks of therapy and then he never moved back into the flat he lived in right near me, he moved back in with his family. We still saw each other, went on dates and spoke everyday. Sometimes he would isolate for a few days but would always message when he was better saying ‘sorry I haven’t been feeling well’. Throughout our time he has ‘broke-up’ with me several time, I use breaking-up loosely because we were never official and I was ok with that, I understood that was added pressure he just did not need.
The last time I saw him was Valentines Day, he told me he loved me and we had a fairly nice evening, from them on he was in and out of isolation (or so I thought). He kept re-iterating he couldn’t have a gf, never wanted to be in a relationship but then would say he loved me, I was special, that he cared for me and wanted me in his life. So, I stuck around and was there for him, I knew in March it was the anniversary of his Dads passing so it was a pretty shitty month for him, he rarely communicated and to me he was in a bad place.
Two weeks ago, on the phone he yet again said he loved me, I was special and that he was going to be a lone ranger forever. Last week … a girl uploaded a pic of them both on Instagram and then yesterday another where he had taken her to an expensive restaurant for her Birthday.
I am heartbroken. This is a very shortened version of events but essentially, I thought if I stuck around and showed him I cared enough then maybe one day he would come around and we could work through it together. When I confronted him he made out that he hasn’t done anything wrong, that he meant it AT THE TIME when he said he didn’t ever want a gf (but within a few days after that conversation he must have changed his mind). He said I was special and he cared for me and liked me and that I was making something out of nothing.
I don’t even know what to say, I know this is just my story and that everyone’s is different but I want to shout out to all you supporters who are sitting ducks, waiting, wondering, and researching … I have been a sitting duck for a good 5-6 months. I have worried and cried endlessly over his suffering, been sick with worry at if he’s ok or not, I’ve read numerous books, been on this website constantly, watched documentaries, listened to pod casts all for him to just meet someone else and not feel anything for me. I don’t know if he is guilty or sorry and it’s time for me to stop thinking about it, I have let this consume my life for too long. My self-esteem is currently at the bottom of a garbage pile and I need to work on building that back up right now, to feel not worthy of someone’s love and that there was someone better is hard especially when I poured a lot into trying to understand and be supportive.
I want all you sitting ducks to really think about how this is affecting your life, it’s not healthy to be waiting for something that has no guarantee. I’m not saying give up, I’m just asking that you try not to let this consume you, PTSD is already consuming one person let alone a secondary person. I’m asking you to really really look at the situation, how it is affecting you because it made me less sociable and a lot more reluctant to go out and be happy when I knew my sufferer was having a hard time. Then I got the ultimate pie in the face.
What I am trying to say is … no-one knows whether they will get back in touch or realize you’re the one and want to really work on PTSD and also a relationship at the same time, what I am asking is that you don’t waste time being consumed by wondering. Please live your life and come on this site to seek some solid advice not ask us all to be mystic meg. It’s natural to want people’s opinions but the reality is no one really knows, I hold my hands up at constantly wanting reassurance that when he’s isolating it’s him not me but in the end I have been made look stupid and naïve.
I also want to say a massive Thank You to everyone on here who has held my hand along this journey, there are some very special people on here and I have definitely made a firm friend on here also even if we live in different countries. So for all those who have listened, given advice and put up with my constant worrying and waffle – Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
