Relationship She Ended The Relationship

[supporterofmygirl]

My ex wife/girlfriend has just ended the relationship saying she can't be in one right now. Is this normal and will she want to be with me ever again? She is into her second month of finally talking about her rape that happened 15 plus years ago and until now she has really talked about what happened. What do I do, I love her and don't want to give up? We don't live together and I haven't seen her in two months! I text her and try to call but she rarely answers and if she does she will ask me to do lunch and at the last moment she will have an excuse why she can't make it! She is full of excuses. Do I really have to give her her space and not call or text! She says she does not want my help! Please everyone, I need some advice!! What do I do??

 

[BigBear]

There is a time when you give up. But only you can say when that is. I've seen numerous cases on here where they yoyo. Then there are others where they are truly gone and we just haven't accepted it yet.

My best advice is, "Would it be a relief if you knew for sure that she was really gone?" When that day comes, you need to start cutting the ties.

If that day hasn't come, let me suggest that you try being a simple friend. Someone that she can truly trust. Let the relationship go for the moment.

You know the old story? Let it go! If it doesn't come back to you then it was never yours anyway...

Bear

 

[discarded]

Unfortunately, through my own experiences with my sufferer, I have learned that it takes 2 to make a relationship work. When only one person is willing then there is not much you can do except take a step back and see if time apart will help in the long run. I find it difficult to accept my relationship is over after many years together. I was the one walked away as the problems were destroying us both. There has been no effort on his part in the 6 months we have been apart to even stay in touch. I think the time comes when you have to admit defeat and that it just wasn't meant to be.

 

[SRE7267]

My heart goes out to you Supporterofmygirl. As the others have mentioned, it's only you who will truly know when it's time to walk away. My advice is to follow her lead -- allow her the space she is desiring/needing right now. Continue to live your life and progress forward -- reaching out to her when the mood strikes you just to let her know you are thinking about her. This will help to keep you connected to her on some level and for her to know she can still trust you and that she is not alone, but does not mean you are "waiting" for her.

If I have learned anything at all, it is that YOUR life is equally as important and waiting and hoping for something when the other person is not on the same page as you will only truly hurt you in the long run and only holds you back from living the life you deserve to live. Continue to live your life independent of your ex. Should your paths cross on the romantic level again, well then give it another try. Either way, as long as YOU are progressing, you will find happiness and love. It's not such an easy thing to see or be truly in touch with when you are experiencing the pain and loss that you are feeling right now... just know that you deserve greatness as well and if you are both on the path of attempting to achieve that for yourselves, well then you simply cannot go wrong!

I wish you peace and understanding through this transition. All the best!

 

[JohnJohn]

It is a difficult position, because you would like to have some control over your life and the love you have. First let me be clear that my situation, like everyone's is unique and holds no direct correlation to your specific dilemma. I only wish to convey potential perspective and insight.

I was in the same position as you with my ex and unfortunately my efforts were not welcome, as she was attempting to get control of her own life without anyone's help, mine or a psychologist. I wanted to help, reach out, talk or anything to remain connected with her. It complicated things further that we had a young daughter and that added stress to us both.

In my opinion sufferers realize there is what they want and what they can do. They want to get better, but there is something inside them that they must deal with. Sometimes that is more painful than the external hurt they leave and inflict on loved ones. I know my ex did not want to leave her daughter and me, but she had to leave because the inside hurt was worse than the consequences of her choice to leave. In my case and in my opinion, she created an excuse to justify her actions, so her positive self image could remain intact. It is hard for anyone to see themselves as the bad guy, so we justify our actions to survive.

What I am getting at is, in my experience, I believe all those who suffer some persistent type of anxiety will do what ever it takes to mentally survive. Hopefully they do it in a positive way, like getting professional assistance and not running away from the pain. But, if they want to take flight from everything we can not stop them. No matter how much we love them we can not help them unless they accept it for themselves.

It all boils down to ensuring that they know that you are there to support them and care for them, not control them. My ex has called me when she needs help, because she knows I will be there for her. But, I still trigger her all the time when we have co-parenting conflicts. Just love them and hold on for as long as you can. Just don't forget to live yourself too. Try to save them for as long as you can, but do not let all of the circumstances claim you as a victim too.

Good luck, you are not alone and we are all sending best wishes your way.

 

[journey31]

I'm going through the exact same thing. He's been pulling away, I let him. He came back in, then broke up with me.

I'm going to not contact him unless he contacts me. That's what I hear is best. I seem to see with my ex he trends to come back when I leave him alone.

We just had the official breakup yesterday, do I can't say that him pulling away and breaking up are the same, but space really does seem to work.

I would send a random good morning or night, or something I thought he'd like (like if she likes a certain type of flower and you see one).

Don't stress of no response, and don't keep texting. Wait a little while before sending another

 

[awayhome06]

Perhaps she is just I'm a place where a relationship is one more expectation she can't live up to. The question here is can you continue to be there for her without getting anything back right now? There is no fault for you if you can't.