Should is a precarious word to use... it's good to avoid "should someone," and instead say, would it be healthy or helpful or etc... should-ing on someone more often leads to shame, and shame does not actually promote change.
It is my understanding that this is not about if you "should" talk about your fear or not. It seems like it is based on what others should or should not do.
I think the whole question is off, along with all the responses. It's all about if other people know about the fear or not.
The person with the fear has the responsibility to manage the fear. For some people that means communicating the fear. For other people, it means not communicating the fear. It varies from person to person.
There are some situations in which communicating a gear can be extremely triggering. I have one fear that I don't communicate because just the communicating it can put me over the edge. To manage my fear and myself, I am extremely selective in who I share the fear with, and who I share it with. I do not expect others to know or accommodate my fear if I don't tell them. I don't even expect others to accommodate my fear if I do tell them. It's up to me to make requests of what I need and want and to set my own boundaries and keep them.
For example, let's say I have a fear of chocolate ice cream. Would it be helpful for me to tell everyone I know about my fear of chocolate ice cream? Maybe, maybe not. In some cases, it could actually hurt me, lead to weird stereotypes, stir up trauma symptoms, etc etc. I may choose instead to manage my fear by setting the boundary that I choose to not have desserts just to avoid the issue all together. I may communicate to friends and family that I will not be around places where desert is served. Then they know. Their knowing this does not make it their responsibility to make my life desert free. They know that if they want to be around me, they will need to leave the desserts behind. If they bring desserts, then it's up to me to ask them to not do that and leave if they continue to do so. It's not up to them to manage my fear or rid their lives of deserts too.
Let's use this more specific example:
Okay. I wanted a more general question but let's make it more concrete.
What if there is a person who has a deep fear of Hawai and his friends and his wife are planing a Hawai themed party. I know no such person. It is just an example of a fear a person might have nobody else who does not have this fear might have an idea about.
If someone has a deep fear of Hawaii, and they choose not to share their desire to not have a Hawaiian themed party, then it would be unwise for that person to expect others to not plan a Hawaiian themed party. Most humans are not mind readers. Expecting others to know your fears without communicating them is usually not an effective way to make sure others do not do the thing you fear they will do.
It's too simplistic to also have this be where if someone is afraid of Hawaii, then others should never bring up Hawaii. Being afraid of Hawaii doesn't necessarily mean that all Hawaiian things should be avoided. That actually can increase a fear.
I don't think anyone has a duty or responsibility to share a fear or not. We all have a responsibility to take care of ourselves and understand that others can't read our minds or know of a fear unless we tell them, or accommodate a fear unless we ask them.
We also have a responsibility to not assume we know what others would want and not want. If I was planning a party for someone, and I really want to know what the other person would like, the most effective way for me to know is ask them, "what kind of party would you like to have?"
The more people own
their own needs, wants, and desires (and fears), and the less people assume, the better off relationships tend to be.
I voted "other."
