Should I Allow Myself To Remember?

[leanne1321]

Hi Jadebear,

I want to tell you how strong and brave you are. I had a surpressed memory too, I had a huge flashback 5 years after, when I saw him out one night. Bits are still hazy now and I'm torn between wanting to fill in those gaps and just avoiding them.

I'm sure that you would have remembered one day, I think it's the brains coping mechanism, if your brain knows that you can't cope with the trauma, it makes you forget until you can cope.

Anyway, glad that your'e here.

Leanne

 

[Powder]

Jadebear, if you feel comfortable with the question, would you mind sharing what you mean by how your therapist helped you remember?

I was reading bits of a book called the Trauma Myth about childhood sexual abuse, and it mad me angry because the author said that CSA is not always traumatic and that it if it is, it is not likely to be a repressed memory. I can't believe that the so called experts who want to write a book or make a name for themselves would be so cruel as to discount what basically everyone who has been a survivor is saying. Some or all of it gets blocked. I may not know how or why, but it's true. Even if it was not considered traumatic or overwhelming, the need to protect the perp could also be a reason to block thinking about it or memory in order to not slip up and expose the person, which was threatened as basically the end of the world to the child in most cases.

I want to thank you for sharing this with us, and I have gone through similar recently, (only it was a flashback and unexpected) because I know firsthand that it can be overwhelming to go through much less share with people. You are brave and this is a healing for you that I trust will be beneficial for you.

XOXO Muse

 

[jadebear]

would you mind sharing what you mean by how your therapist helped you remember?

To be honest, I was afraid he would wanna hypnotize me or something, but actually he 'helped' by asking questions as I was telling what I remembered about it. His simple questioning( like where were you, did you see his face,etc.) helped jar my memory.

I don't like the sound of the book you mentioned. I don't understand how CSA could not be traumatic. I haven't met anyone yet that was sexually abused as a child that thought it was a good thing, or something that improved their life or anything.

 

[Powder]

Jadebear, thank you on both counts, for your reply and for validating my anger about that nasty piece of work book. She even said that if you have flashbacks that are traumatic of sexual abuse, then it is likely a false memory. What a crock. Her premise what that "All" the people she interviewed during grad school found the abuse pleasant and not at all an impediment to their current lives. Can you believe that?!

What you describe about the prompts makes total sense to me and is actually what I was thinking was likely. I have seen it work to just make space and opportunity, to allow a person to own something they are hesitant to own, if that makes sense.

At this point, do you regret going for the memory and owning it, or is it working out to be a healing and grieving process? Once you have enough to know it happened, do the memories stay away or keep coming?

Thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate your ideas on both forums.

Muse

 

[jadebear]

All the people she interviewed enjoyed the abuse? Flashbacks are false memories? What a bunch of B.S.

I didn't find my abuse 'pleasant' in any way. And I wish my flashbacks were false memories, especially the one I have been having lately. I like to believe it didn't happen and I'm just somehow making it up....... but not accepting or believing is one of my problems, according to my T.

There's so much conflicting info out there....it gets confusing.

No, I don't regret remembering. At first I did, of course. It was a bit shocking to remember something like that and I had a pretty rough time with it. I still do have a rough time sometimes, like right now, just from writing about it. But, it hasn't been that long, so I'm sure that's to be expected, right?

It started out with just big details, like him holding me by the throat, calling me a whore,etc. It was like watching a movie with chunks missing. But then the smaller details started filling in, the way he smelled, the specific things he did,etc. I don't know if I remember the entire story yet. I don't know when/how the brain decides when enough is enough. I have had memories of other things that were just bits and pieces, and they rarely cross my mind anymore. So I don't know how that works.

 

[leanne1321]

I don't know if I remember the entire story yet

Try not to push yourself, I'm sure it will come when you're ready. And as for...

She even said that if you have flashbacks that are traumatic of sexual abuse, then it is likely a false memory

I agree, what BS! Even if trauma is something your brain cooked up (I sincerely doubt it), does it make it any less traumatic?

It really annoys me when people like this try to give their opinion on something they know NOTHING ABOUT! Like when people say that if someone attacked them, they would kick them where it hurts. I tell them to keep their mouths shut, because until they go through something like that, they don't f***ing know!