Should I go into a group home or not

[recoveringfromptsd]

Many of you have I believe followed the course of my recovery, so I think you will understand this, I had accomplished many milestones in my recovery, part of my hypervigilance is to be superficial, and avoid emotions at all costs. Because emotions and body language was used by my abusers as cause to abuse me more, I adapted by being emotionless and flat in effect, sometimes even that was used to justify more abuse. So I have went through life holding my emotions inside, and not letting anyone get close to my emotions including my therapist. I have cried in 42 years because of this, I cry on the inside, and tear up, but I cannot cry to release my emotions.

She recently warned me that it was time for us to address my emotions, I had a session with this that left me shaken afterwards as she kept trying to get me to express more beyond what she did in the last question "and describe how you feel about that". While she was successful in getting me to express painful stuff verbally that my mind quickly shut it down. Now I am getting a constant flow of flashbacks but with intense emotions where before I have flashbacks without emotions to go with them. I am now in a state where my mind is constantly feeling emotions around my trauma. It's overwhelming, and at times I have wanted to just shut it off and put the trauma to rest too. This has made me unsafe at times, but I follow my safety contract. But I am starting to show cracks in my ability to do so.

Last week my began talking about me being put in a supervised group home where I can safely process this stuff, and without the other stressors that come with maintaining a household/mobilhome where after my sister died I have a constant struggle to get through each month, we have had many times we could not even afford toilet paper during a month. And always concerned with bank balance going negative due to unforeseen items being posted like credit card payments being more than expected. And I can't even get important medical care simply because I cannot come up with specialist co-pays.

This state I am in is constant, so going into a crisis house for a few days or impatient for a few days, as I would still be like this, as that is already been demonstrated with spending 10 days in the local crisis house followed by 30 days in the crisis house. I certainly can't be going into such short term options, on a constant basis or repeatedly with short intervals in between.

My therapy is working, good things have happened like getting to this stage, but it's extremely painful and leaves me unsafe. And to continue I may need a safe place to exist where I can deal with all this stuff safely

But I give up a lot if I go into a group home. I will lose some autonomy, I can't maintain or afford to continue to have my mobile home, I can't afford it now even. I can't take very much with me either.

I am on the fence with this, I enjoy my autonomy, and what I have, but I probably can't stay safe all the time at my present home.

My friends here do you have any thoughts to share on this, that me help me think more clearly over this.

 

[Friday]

It sounds like a great option, tbh.

Storage units around here are about $100 a month, and low income subsidized housing is about $1200. (Your costs will be local to your areas). Which means that even whilst homeless I could usually afford to have a storage unit... which removes a lot of the start-up costs of having my own place. (Because I’ve done that more times than I care to think about. All I really need fits into a backpack with room to spare, so it comes down to what I want. What I want? Doesn’t fit in a backpack.). >>> Knowing that the things I want are safe in storage, whilst the things I need are with me? Huge weight off my mind.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Friday i think safety trumps everything, it would mean selling my mobile home or renting it out, furnished, donating excess cloths, there is not much I would have to sell, storage unit complicates things.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Friday the organization that all this is with is gogetters (started as a women's support group, someone was always going to get someone for attendance, hence GO-GET-HER), they now operate the local crisis house (been there twice, last time for a month), the have a day center, health clinic, mental health psychiatrists & therapist, etc. a senior apartment community for age 62 or above (I am 62), supportive group homes (not staffed, except for staff when needed and check on everyone), supervised group homes (24/7 staffed), case management. They would have control over my SSDI benefits, but they provide services in kind including boarding,

I think anything that is considered storage worthy can fit in a box I can keep with me there.

 

[Sideways]

Have you seen the place? Walked through it, sat down and had a coffee there maybe?

Some places will be well-resourced, mostly filled with other people that you feel reasonably safe around. Your private space will feel like one you can make your own.

Other places you'll walk and immediately know, "Nup, can't live here".

Do you get to continue with your current T, and any other commitments you have through the week? In particular, that means having enough funds left over, after what they take out in costs, to keep doing other things?

While you may not be going out much right now, due to safety issues, you will hopefully get to the point where regular day trips out are something that you can do, want to do, are safe do, and will be able to afford.

So, what money do you have left over, is it enough to continue seeing your T, and does the place feel like somewhere you could ultimately feel safe in (just like hospitals - some feel like prisons, others are sufficiently human that you can come back from a crisis there, you know?).

I know a lady who lives in a group home because of her ptsd and physical disabilities. She keeps going to external day therapy, and has sufficient funds to go out for lunch occasionally. That's about all she's up for, and it seems to work for her quite well.

In and out of hospital regularly, for continual 'crisis' issues, is something I did for years. Never going a full month without at least a week of it being in a crisis hospital admission. 'Home' became a ridiculous expense that I ultimately couldn't afford to keep. And yeah, in retrospect? You wouldn't put someone through years of repeated hospital admissions, if you knew in advance that safety would be an issue for years. The instability of that, the lack of any place to actually stop - it's the worst of both worlds, so I get not wanting to do that.

But not all group homes are created equal, so if you can, maybe check it out first?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Have you seen the place? Walked through it, sat down and had a coffee there maybe?

Some places will be well-resourced, mostly filled with other people that you feel reasonably safe around. Your private space will feel like one you can make your own.

They are impressively well resourced.

Other places you'll walk and immediately know, "Nup, can't live here".

No issue here, have seen everything in depth

Do you get to continue with your current T, and any other commitments you have through the week? In particular, that means having enough funds left over, after what they take out in costs, to keep doing other things?

Yes, its my T who believes this is the way I should go and I will continue with her. But I will have structure 24/7 and support, even at times I am not safe like I am dealing with now, the structure would see that I am physically safe as I work through things like what I am experiencing now. Whereas at my current home now, I could get in my car and disappear with a plan and there is little to stop me other than an alert going out on me.

While you may not be going out much right now, due to safety issues, you will hopefully get to the point where regular day trips out are something that you can do, want to do, are safe do, and will be able to afford.

If I was in the group home I would have 24/7 supervision either at the home or at the day center.

So, what money do you have left over, is it enough to continue seeing your T, and does the place feel like somewhere you could ultimately feel safe in (just like hospitals - some feel like prisons, others are sufficiently human that you can come back from a crisis there, you know?).

My T is seeing me pro bono, and yes feeling safe and being here is the issue now, this would address that

I know a lady who lives in a group home because of her ptsd and physical disabilities. She keeps going to external day therapy, and has sufficient funds to go out for lunch occasionally. That's about all she's up for, and it seems to work for her quite well.

My situation would be like that somewhat.

In and out of hospital regularly, for continual 'crisis' issues, is something I did for years. Never going a full month without at least a week of it being in a crisis hospital admission. 'Home' became a ridiculous expense that I ultimately couldn't afford to keep.

You hit the nail right on the head, I can't get medical care because I have no money left over for co-pays, I need surgery on my arm and can't get it because of same issue, some months I have a deficit, got to rob peter to pay paul, its my home but my housemate has hoarding tendencies that drives me crazy, and like most hoarders she finds every possible way to avoid cleaning up her trash pile.

By no longer having to maintain a home which I am over my head on and stressed because of it, and because of it, there being no resources for specialist medical care copays, and dental (I need about $4000 of immediate oral surgery, I have gone about a year without such care because of resources, even the university dental school has costs I can't cover. Furnace acting up, no repair possible due to money, we already use food bank for food can't afford food and my SSDI is to high for food stamps. Same with heating oil, the list goes on.

all that goes into maintain my household consumes more than I have from my SSDI, in the group home situation, all I would have is my car payment which is paid off in october, and misc medical stuff like co-pays that I can't afford now.

And yeah, in retrospect? You wouldn't put someone through years of repeated hospital admissions, if you knew in advance that safety would be an issue for years. The instability of that, the lack of any place to actually stop - it's the worst of both worlds, so I get not wanting to do that.

That's me alright, inpatient admissions are appropriate for acute crisis situations as well as beacon the crisis home, but what I am dealing with amounts to a chronic situation that can't be address in a short inpatient stay or even PHP. I already had PHP for this while at beacon last, and it did nothing for me but distract me for a while.

But not all group homes are created equal, so if you can, maybe check it out first?

I have actually been in one,when I was at beacon the crisis house had to stay there for a few hours, otherwise everyone including me had to be at the day center.

 

[The Albatross]

Personally I'm way wary of giving up autonomy and/or independence. But I have a bigger distrust of institutions perhaps than you do. I rally to push past the point where I have to give up independence in order to keep it. But as you've had experience with this before... you likely have better information to use to decide this.

I just want for you what is best for you. K?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Personally I'm way wary of giving up autonomy and/or independence. But I have a bigger distrust of institutions perhaps than you do. I rally to push past the point where I have to give up independence in order to keep it. But as you've had experience with this before... you likely have better information to use to decide this.

I just want for you what is best for you. K?

It is in the works, won't give up complete autonomy, will be able to come and go and get to appointments if staff approve, ? Am I safe, trying to work out the financial & my sister is going to move from branson MO to here and in the mobile home she will be very close.

Part of why this being considered, my therapist gotten to the stage where were processing trauma but she is digging for my emotions at the time, needed as part of my course because my trauma and what took place left me unable to express outward, i can't even cry, and have not 42 when my trauma took place. Several problems is I am now getting night terrors (I take prosocin already) and I have been getting flashbacks with extreme emotions at home. Thus I have some s/i and s/h thoughts, it was thought I needed to for now be in a place that has supervision. I think I will be ok, its voluntary so if it does not work for me I can leave with judgement.

 

[The Albatross]

Hmmm. I dunno. I guess it's intensely personal. Had night terrors for years. Couldn't even cry for a decade or more. Now only like 1-2 times a year. I guess that's just not how my brain is wired for a therapeutic standard.

 

[whiteraven]

So...I'm wondering if you think you will be able to manage once you are no longer in the protective/safe environment of the group home? My last therapist pushed too hard too soon and I had an incredibly difficult time managing. When I switched therapists and got someone who too a more measured approach, I managed much better.

Now I am getting a constant flow of flashbacks but with intense emotions where before I have flashbacks without emotions to go with them. I am now in a state where my mind is constantly feeling emotions around my trauma. It's overwhelming, and at times I have wanted to just shut it off and put the trauma to rest too. This has made me unsafe at times,

Yeah, this was how it was when my therapist made me go too far too fast. My opinion only, she should be taking this at a pace that does not throw you into not-safe mode.

I have a constant struggle to get through each month, we have had many times we could not even afford toilet paper during a month. And always concerned with bank balance going negative due to unforeseen items being posted like credit card payments being more than expected. And I can't even get important medical care simply because I cannot come up with specialist co-pays.

This is me - and then some - every day. I currently have a negative balance in my account and I don't get paid for another week. It was like this when I had my last therapist and I was a total wreck, not feeling safe and constantly crying. Now, same stuff, but I manage day-to-day much better.

I would, personally, never give up my autonomy. I know how I am and I suspect I would continue to rely on that "safe" place every time I had a bad spell, and I value my privacy and autonomy too much. I don't give over control to anybody; *that* feels unsafe to me.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I would agree, but I factor in that my living situation is not sustainable long term, and because I was gang raped in a homeless shelter in 1979 I can't use shelters, I can't even go near one (tried). As my last homeless experience left me sleeping in parking garages, prostitution to eat. And drinking to cope. Thinking that was what my life boiled down too, that all I was worth to society was to be a homeless sometimes drunk whore. Back then I believed that was going to be my life and role in life from then on. So for me I cannot exist homeless.

I am told it will be temporary, while we are a point of being with a major breakthrough in my treatment, it also leaves me unsafe all the time. It is for my safety, beats hospitalization every week, or crisis home for months at a time (I recently had 2, 10 days and 30 days) and PHP concurrent with same. It came down to being where I can go through the aftermath of my sessions safely. My therapist has indicated that we are at a stage where we either end treatment or this, and she indicated if warranted she may petition on me and get it court mandated. Its all about doing this level of treatment safely. She has a duty to stop treatment under these condition otherwise.

I love my autonomy, it gives me some certainty I can control, but I can't lose my therapist as she over all the decades has been the only one who truly cared to actually be all in with me being the same. So much so she is seeing me pro bono. I have seen huge gains with her, some of my hypervigilance has been changed and improved, some of my cognitive distortions have been changed, they are measurable, as one related breakthrough was in PHP some time ago, more importantly I had a hopeless outlook when we started, and some time ago that outlook changed to hopeful.

I am on the fence on this, but the outcome is only half in my control.

And it turns out I have been told I will have a good bit of autonomy, just not after my therapist sessions for a or so. One of the first things my therapist addressed.

She actually is pacing it, but were now dealing with stuff is so dark its almost impossible to be safe afterwards.

 

[susannahsays]

I was in a group home a long time ago. This was a group home for teen girls, not adults, but I'll tell you my experience anyway.

First, I want to emphasize that I don't look back on the experience as a wholly negative one or one that massively traumatized me. The home I was in was much better than most homes. One of my parents and a grandparent actually visited several homes before I was placed to make sure I didn't end up somewhere awful. They said the other homes were places they would not have been ok putting me.

The other residents where I was had really horrific backgrounds in terms of their families. Much worse than mine, imo. The abuse was not necessarily worse, but they came from a vastly different socioeconomic background from me and this did matter in their symptoms. They all had severe behavioral problems and that included being violent and physically threatening. That was sometimes directed at me which was scary. My personal belongings were also stolen.

Staff were just not at a level where they were competent to deal with traumatized individuals. Most staff in group homes only have a high school diploma and the required trainings are stuff like CPR, not anything to do with behavioral interventions. The staff that have more than a high school diploma are not happy in their jobs due to the poor pay in relation to having a degree - and they too are not helpful in terms of doing anything mental health related. My experience was that staff basically just drove you around.

I began to really get bullied in the group home. I think this was due to my relative socioeconomic privilege, the wildly inaccurate perception that I was a goody two shoes because my issues did not make me aggressive towards others (and I therefore didn't get the same amount of negative consequences), and I developed a relationship with the owner in which I was shown considerable favoritism. To be honest, the relationship was not ethical strictly speaking, and my social worker even reported her to the board. However, I was helped much more than harmed and we are still in touch to this day - almost 15 years later.

Anyway, the bullying got really bad to the point that it extended to the staff and not just the clients. At that point, I chose to leave.

I will note that being in a group home will not prevent you from being placed in a higher level of care if you are a danger to yourself. I was in a level III group home and I was still hospitalized three times. They aren't equipped to provide constant monitoring and they aren't going to welcome the liability.

I'm a bit confused about the connection between being in a group home and not having to manage your finances, as well. When I was in a group home, it was our responsibility to purchase personal care items for ourselves - and the youngest resident was 14. Iirc, we would go to Walmart and they would give us like $12 to get shampoo, soap, etc. As for the copays, I guess if you qualify for Medicaid automatically by being in a group home, you wouldn't have to worry about that - but is that the case? Going into a group home doesn't mean they will pay for all your expenses is what I'm saying.

I'm not telling you it's necessarily a bad idea, just that it might not be the safe haven and solution you're imagining. I definitely wouldn't conceptualize it as a place with any sort of resources that will be helpful as you process trauma. At best it could be somewhere with people who will send you to the hospital if you become a danger to yourself. Then again, I attempted suicide very easily while in my group home because it's not like they physically stop you if you run out the door (although they might call the cops if they think you're going to hurt yourself).

Another option you might look into if it's available in your area/state is something like Community Support Team. This would be a community based service where you would receive support from a case manager (basically a social worker who would help you with managing finances and link you with community resources), a team lead (who would provide therapy), and a skill builder who would assist you with building coping strategies and figuring out how to manage things you're struggling with day to day. If you still feel like a group home is appropriate, the case manager could also assist you with that or other supportive housing. You can receive CST while also residing in a group home.