Should I Share What I Wrote With T?

[Holdingontohope]

OK, first of all, sorry I have been posting/asking so many questions lately. I just really don'the have anyone else to ask these questions too. So, on to my question...

I wrote out some stuff about the sexual abuse I experienced as a child and my feelings/thoughts about it. I have been thinking about sharing it with my T, but I'm not sure about it. Some of my concerns are...
1. Some of what I wrote is fairly detailed/graphic
2. There are things in what I wrote that I am very ashamed about
3. I don't know if I would ever be able to look him in the eyes again if he read it

We have touched on some of the things I wrote about at other times in therapy, but I feel like I am better at explaining/expressing myself in writing. So maybe it would help him understand things a little more. I kind of want to share it with him just so that someone else knows some of the things I went through. I mean, he knows I was sexually abused, who it was, for how long, etc. We just have never really talked about the details of what happened or the specific memories. Can it be helpful to share/talk about those details?

Would it be helpful to share it with him? I don't want it to be awkward afterwards...I don't want to feel like I can't ever face him again...I am tired of keeping this all inside though. And if there was anyone I would be able to share it with, it would be T. Any suggestions?

 

[justme78]

OK, first of all, sorry I have been posting/asking so many questions lately. I just really don...

I would share what you wrote if he is the right match for you he will understand how you feel. I would also tell him about your concerns with sharing this information.

 

[BlueOrange]

If we don't want to answer your questions (or anyone else's), then (hopefully) we won't. This is a big enough community that people can afford to be as involved as they want to be.

I've had a number of times where I've asked myself "Can I afford to trust my T with [this next thing]?" Sometimes, I take a plunge, sometimes, I edge closer to it, and get there over time. Over time, I've reached a point where I can discuss pretty much anything with him (even including feelings of resentment about things that he has done or not done). I don't feel that way about all therapists; I have other people I work with, and I have different trust settings for different people.

My feeling is that you want to tell him, and you think it might be OK, but you're scared.

My suggestion would be to consider taking what you wrote to a session, and to talk about it. If you're talking, then you can stop talking any time you like. If he starts to react in a way that you don't like, you can stop and talk about that reaction. I get that it's harder to talk than to give someone a piece of paper, but I figure the point is to have a stronger relationship with the therapist - it's probably more important to have an experience where you talk and feel supported than it is for him to have all the facts that you wrote.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

1. Some of what I wrote is fairly detailed/graphic

I dont have to be detailed with my therapist for him to understand what i mean.

2. There are things in what I wrote that I am very ashamed about
3. I don't know if I would ever be able to look him in the eyes again if he read it

I dont look at my therapist anyway but look very far away, behind me out the window when I tell him things im very ashamed of.

If i cant voice it, I write it down and let him read it or let him read threads/diary posts here. We were passing notes for a while early in.

The question I ask myself is should my therapist know this? Will it help if he knew this?

The answers were normally yes. I just left out graphics he didnt need to understand it. Some things he wanted more details about but mostly that was for me, not him. He needs to know to help you better.

 

[Lee2001]

Good question. I have wondered as well if sharing the details is really ok, or therapeutic, or even expected? It's one thing to say you were abused but another to "explain it"! I'm in exposure therapy or cbt so I'm assuming details are what is expected, but I don know either. Thank you for asking this question.

 

[Linda6]

OK, first of all, sorry I have been posting/asking so many questions lately. I just really don...

If you are ready to share details I say share away... It's always hard for me to trust anyone with details. I have been through a lot of therapy and the good thing is when you do share , you will eventually find a safe place with that therapist. I hope He is that one... it's awfully hard starting over. Good luck and I just want to say we have a awesome site here. . Good luck ♡

 

[joeylittle]

I kind of want to share it with him just so that someone else knows some of the things I went through. I mean, he knows I was sexually abused, who it was, for how long, etc. We just have never really talked about the details of what happened or the specific memories. Can it be helpful to share/talk about those details?

It was helpful for me, for the reason you wrote here. It was meaningful to me that someone else know. And although it was very hard, it also (I believe) helped me start to address the shame I felt sooner. I needed help with that, too, and the most active way to work on it was in the context of the things I had been afraid to let him know about, but wanted someone to know about.

Writing has always been helpful for me in this regard.

 

[BlueOrange]

I have wondered as well if sharing the details is really ok, or therapeutic, or even expected?

It depends on where you're at in terms of coping resources and in terms of the challenges that you're facing. Generally speaking, if you're having flashbacks about something, then at some point, it's probably going to be useful to have a conversation about the parts of the flashback which matter to you. But it's a bit like having surgery to remove something that has become embedded under your skin - the chances of safe and successful surgery improve a lot if you're as healthy and clean as possible before you start.

For some people, they're fundamentally healthy and already pretty clean, and you can go straight to dealing with the stuff that's under the skin. Other people might arrive in therapy in a weakened state, or have more than one thing stuck under their skin, or other factors that mean they need to take it more slowly.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It helped me that he not only knew what happened, in detail, but that he believed me. No one else believes me and the fact he did really REALLY helped me.

The more detailed my past gets the more "unbelievable' it is, so this fact was of huge help to get it all out and start to work on it.

I had no coping skills at the time but cutting and huffing duster.

But it honestly depends on you. Some here go through therapy without telling details. Personally I had to tell someone as it killing me inside. But id say it honestly depends on the person.

 

[Holdingontohope]

Thank you guys for your responses.

My feeling is that you want to tell him, and you think it might be OK, but you're scared.

You are spot on with this @BlueOrange

I think I will take it with me to my appointment, but try to talk about it like you suggested.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Good question. I have wondered as well if sharing the details is really ok, or therapeutic, or even exp...

I'm also in exposure therapy...CBT. Details of my traumas have come out but only as I'm ready to share, or it's needed to create the bigger picture.

When having to go into areas that I'm ashamed of, he handles it very professionally. There ends up being no awkward silences and in the end I feel validated and safe.

I don't think you should hold back from your therapist at all... but that doesn't mean full disclosure either. The suggestion to write it down is a good one. You can then at least have something in your hands to hold on to, or just give him a small part to read. You need to go at your pace and it sounds like your therapist will validate your feelings. He'll know how to respond in a way that makes you feel safe.

Just my opinion.

 

[Rumors]

For me I also fear they will be disgusted and tell me to leave. I know my therapist is religious, which doesn't bother me at all and I kind of find it refreshing, but my fear is there is something in the Bibke that proves I am an abomination. Crazy, I know. Mt t has NEVER made me feel that way or insinuated it. Quite the opposite actually in that I am always told these things were done to me and that I have nothing to be ashamed of. Easier said than done but please spill it so it no longer has a hold over you.... I do little bits at a time but am really sick of holding on to this crap!!!! Best wishes...