Should I Trust My Therapist?

[wolfie205]

Some days I feel like I can trust my therapist, other days I can't. I don't know if it's the hypervigilance that makes me observe every single thing that goes on around me but trust is something I really can't seem to be able to do. Sometimes I see my T making a gesture to another staff working there and I feel like she must be laughing at me. Maybe they're laughing at me behind my back when I'm not around. I can't seem to get it out of my head even though my T seems pretty nice.

I don't know if she's just being professional or if she really cares... Sometimes I don't know if she really means what she says or she's just trying to pretend to be nice. Maybe it's just a part of her job. In the sessions, she's really nice and supportive but somehow I don't know if I can trust her. I pretty much don't trust any of the staff working at the centre and I'm finding it really hard to trust my T.

They tell me its confidential but sometimes I highly doubt that everything I say is kept confidential. Not being able to trust my T means I won't share that because I don't know if I can trust her with the information. I hate feeling like everyone is laughing at me and talking about me behind my back. Sometimes I don't know if I should even go back to therapy. I can't get the thoughts out of my head and it's driving me crazy. How do you deal with not being able to trust people? If I can't even trust my T, how am I supposed to trust all the other people around me? Are people really as bad as they seem or is it all just in my head?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Not trying to be rude, but I think a lot of it is in your head. I don't believe your therapist is laughing at you behind your back.

I have therapist trust issues, but not with holding back info. Maybe it's not a trust thing, more cynicism? She is there to do a job, I pay her to do the job, therefore I pay her to care. If I didn't pay her for a session, she would not care for me. I guess that's why I don't go to therapy to be cared about. I want guidance, dammit. I don't care if you don't care about me. Actually I'd prefer it (a more observational, objective, detached stance if you will.). Sorry for the tangent.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I read your post, then I biked to the supermarket to get some food and found myself thinking about it along the way. My first response would be this: we all know the paranoia, try not to listen to it, because it simply isn't true and it is distorting your life in a negative way...

My second response is the same but actually different, and I find this works for me: don't judge your therapist. You wouldn't want him/her making judgements about you, so try not to label him/her as somebody who goes around your back and says bad stuff about you.

Have you tried telling your therapist about this? It might help if you communicate how you feel. Wish you a lot of courage.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Hi,

I had problems with this in the beginning with my CBT therapist. (I now have 3 for different things haha). I would see her one week then the mistrust would set in and I would work that out before I saw her again. Then I'd see her again and then I would feel that mistrust again as soon as we left her office. It bothered me I had to pay someone to care and I got to thinking that it was all about money and she doesn't really care. Then I started working through with her help about trust issues. I didn't tell her I didn't trust her, but I told her it's absolute that we start working on my trust issues. She helped me through that. Gave me a different view vs my distorted view. After that, I trusted her and have ever since.

A person wouldn't go into a job and get educated to be a trained therapist if they had no compassion, sympathy or the slightest relation to heavy emotional issues. Some, not all therapist have been through trauma or the therapy process themselves. I am not sure if that is part of the requirements of becoming a trained therapist or what. In my psychology classes I have read a lot about the greatest psychologist who had there own issues and went threw there own psychotherapy too. Remember that. They are there to help. The goal is to get you good again and teach you the skills you need in order to cope with heavy emotional things. It takes a while to build a foundation to a relationship between patient and therapist if you have trust issues. Hang in there and tell your therapist about your trust issues and you need help and guidance with that.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Give it time. say what's on your mind, if you are still in doubt it won't help you so find someone, you trust because they are out there, good people who care about your humanity...:))

 

[piratelady]

I would encourage you to discuss your feelings with your therapist. I agree with Solara and I doubt that your therapist is laughing about you behind your back. Maybe it will open a door and you can work on learning when and how to trust people in your life, including your therapist.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sorry I think my response was too much. I didn't mean it to be harsh. I think that it is common for us to have trust issues. I know I think much like you----that people dislike me and are mean when I have my back turned. I've gotten better over time, but the trust issue is still there. Anymore I just figure I don't care if people are nasty behind my back.

 

[Hashi]

Everything Radise said.

From what you say, this is based more on worry than on evidence or facts. Also it seems to be a general pattern, not specific to your therapist but something you tend to think about many people. One of the things about therapy is that you can find it bringing out tendencies towards other people, directed towards your therapist.

I really encourage you to talk to her about it. She might have some good insights, and it's part of recovery to work through things like this in the safe space of therapy. Our feelings/misgivings towards our therapists are often our feelings/misgivings towards the world at large. It gives us a chance to look at them and talk about them without the risk there would be in other relationships.

Good luck.

 

[Soulfood]

I was an RN at a drug treatment center for 3 years, and I heard staff laughing at patients plenty. However, if you have a mental illness (like me) then being paranoid when we shouldn't be comes with the territory.

So it might be in your head, or it might not be - or maybe it's both. Maybe they are talking trash about you, but maybe it's a lot less than you think it is. In any case, the question in my mind is what to do about it? If you trust your T sometimes, then try talking to them about it.

If you don't trust them, then can you find another? Or, can you just focus on other things you are working on with the T, and just ignore those feelings? Those are a few options that come to my mind... but yeah, let me validate you on some things - yes, sometimes medical people crack jokes about their customers. yes, sometimes medical people break confidentiality, but in my experience that confidentiality thing happens a lot less than the joking thing (like I said, and that was my limited experience as an RN).

Cracking jokes about other people is rude and insensitive, but breaking confidentiality is illegal and most healthcare folks know that, so they tend to mind their business on that one. Good luck.