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Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist *cue the thunder and lightning*

I think that my psychiatrist and I got stuck in the "Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist". I so wish that I had had the capacity to end this 6-7 years ago.

Part of me wanted out, but it felt like I would be so ungrateful to leave. And I didn't have everyone else to go to. I had nowhere to turn to go.

Sadly the was impossible because of how profoundly dissociated and fragmenting I was.

I had no ability to trust my owe perceptions and reality.

I was not connected to myself. So I ended up in another therapeutic relationship where I had to change myself into someone else to be who they thought I should be now.

I did start seeing my trauma informed counsellor 5-6 years ago and that is part of the reason that I can leave.
 
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...therapists may become harmful to clients themselves... Link Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist

This is where we are now. My psychiatrist has been saying unkind, unprofessional comments, pronouncements to me and about me to me.

I really challenged her back and got her to own what she said.

I wasn't going to be left wondering afterwards so I asked for clarification. I was thinking you don't just get to say these types of things without push back.

And I continued to ask for clarification. She often decides that a question that I asked was/is not worth answering. So she wouldn't answer me. There was no way in hell I was backing down from what she was saying to me.

She was really trying to escalate. I remained calm and kept asking questions to precisely pin down what she was saying.
 
...These are situations where psychotherapy not only is merely ineffective, but may do serious harm to clients/patients...Link to Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist

My psychiatrist targeted issues that were my most vulnerable places, issues that, in the past, have caused intense SI, in me.

It was very poor of her.

I was brave and stood up to her a few times.

I documented some of it.

And I questioned her "What do you mean when you say..."
 
My trauma informed counsellor was trying to get me to focus on something else.

But I am too tired to have focus on my psychiatrist and then on another thing and then back on my psychiatrist.

I cannot shift focus. I am too tired. I wanted to process it until it was done.

What she was saying was sensible but it is too much to ask right now

I just want to write out all the stuff about my psychiatrist and then be done with it.
 
The last time I spoke to my soon to be ex psychiatrist, she told me that she had no time to photocopy my notes, that she had better things to do than photocopy my notes. There is too many pages. We are on the second volume. That she just didn't have time to organise this. Even though she had promised to do a deep dive into my area for a long time.

There would be no forthcoming emails. I feel like she is trying to hook me back. She says we would have to have sessions to sort this out. Hell will freeze over. She lied.

So despite saying no more emails. My soon to be ex psychiatrist sent an email (previously) that she couldn't send me any suggestions for other psychiatrists because of a lack of supply. I had talked about this a lot.

So my psychiatrist sent me a referral. It is to a clinic where the head male clinician has restrictions on working with female patients. (How the feic does this happen?)

It is the clinic where the female psychiatrist, I tried out, who was so appalling, that I put in a formal complaint. She told me without any substantive testing or analysis that I have "mild DID". Which is fairly poor diagnosis with our knowing who I was.

So my psychiatrist is really during her due diligence. /end sarcasm

The most shitty psychiatrist is in that clinic.

She must be feeling some emotions .
 
I was going to process this shite for a couple of weeks. Write it all up. Count down until the change was over.

There's nothing much anyone else can say as they don't know my soon to be ex psychiatrist and some folks don't know me so well either. It's a really tricky situation.

I was processing it in my way. It was repetitive. It was going around and around but I was shifting through stuff. I was having a weep and decompressing. There relief was immense.

My trauma informed counsellor was trying to get me to focus on something else. But I am too tired to have focus on my psychiatrist and then on another thing and then back on my psychiatrist. I cannot shift focus. I am too tired. I wanted to process it until it was done. What she was saying was sensible and best practice, but it is too much to ask right now.

So I feel frozen again. She didn't mean to put me down or anything like that. But it hurts. I am so burnt out.

I just want to write out all the stuff about my psychiatrist and then be done with it.
 
Climate Change and extreme weather events are full on where I am living.

I am tired. I am angry. I am living in a caravan after the Cyclone in March 2025.

Then the house next door burnt down.

I lost 90% of my stuff.

I was attacked by a tradie.

I have had to go through a complicated complaints process.I have reported the Insurance Company for photographically provable fraud.

Etc etc

I am too tired to do any more but hold on and process the grief from my psychiatrist lying to me.

I don't feel like I can do more.

My trauma informed counsellor wants me to focus on other things. I feel upset because I felt processing the stuff around my psychiatrist is really important for me. And I am so burnt out.

I am running on empty.
 
Reality is really hard to deal with some days.

I never thought it would end like this.

I live a humble and quiet life.

I never passed the trauma down to the next generation.

It's just a small and humble life.

Nothing flashy.

Most people life small and humble lives.

My psychiatrist mocking me for my life was never on my bingo 2026 Bingo Card.
 

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