Sleep Dreams And Triggers

[Here_Still]

So I am very glad to mention that since I have posted earlier last fall my darkest troubles with this spectre, this ptsd, have lessened significantly. Those thoughts of seriously hurting myself have all but disappeared, the anxiety attacks do not rule me entirely, and the flashbacks are muted.

Still though, there is much ground to cover before out of the woods, my sleep is still off any useable schedule and it is where I do not sleep for great amounts of time and am seemingly replenished from only a few hours of sleep. Then there are repeated days where I sleep through much of it and most of it.

On the days where I have the unending sleep my dreams are also very weird. During these times it seems like I am in a continuos or near constant state of REM sleep, such that as soon as I drift off I am dreaming again. Another fun aspect of this is that often in these states during these hyper sleep days these dreams will continue after waking.

These continuos dreams would be the perfect entertainment while healing, but they are still very much ptsd related. Nothing is dire, or crazy as in a flashback dream but they are still definitely related.

The triggers that I mention are when I am interrupted in my sleep from my spouse, it can be when she is getting ready to head off to the office, making breakfast and the faucet drips - a noise that does not match the rest of the pattern of the setting and environment- or slams a cupboard or door more vigorously than she expects. These perforate my dream state, and will wake me, often in a state of being switched on. No super alerts states, just switched on and irritated that it happened as it could easily be avoided - in the past it would send me through the roof on alert.

What does send me through the roof of alert and immediately switching on are times when my spouse sees me flaked out asleep with our dogs snuggled up to me and wants to embrace me in a hug, you know something very loving that anyone would normally love. However she does it while I am asleep, and it is sort of a dive or kneels onto the bed or where ever I am sleeping then quickly goes in for the hug and embrace. Pretty much every time this week when this has happened, as her hands begin to wrap around my shoulders and neck I react and begin to throw back an arm lock or joint lock or counter choke to go with it. Sometimes it is wrapping my hands and arms ready to continue to further response. It is like going from zero, totally asleep, to 100 mph totally switched on engaging the attack in a moment until I swim out of that sleep and realize it is my spouse, my lover, my best friend. In the end I feel shitty for how I reacted.

I imagine that a few of you out there can relate, is so let me know that I am not over reacting in either my sleep to standing to, or with how I feel afterwards.

 

[IrisL]

I have been in that situation - did you say that to your spouse? Does she mentioned to you?
First you need to calm yourself down... Don't think of it, slowly will disappear and is helps if you talk with your spouse about it - he will appreciated and will make you calm, or if you did the talk already just give yourself time... And don't think of that too much except if you seriously hurt him physically.and don't feel yourself shitty is an old bad habit from the past.see it like that.
Hope it's helps something

And try to relax, that's can help with the sleep.

 

[Friday]

What does send me through the roof of alert and immediately switching on are times when my spouse sees me flaked out asleep with our dogs snuggled up to me and wants to embrace me in a hug, you know something very loving that anyone would normally love. However she does it while I am asleep, and it is sort of a dive or kneels onto the bed or where ever I am sleeping then quickly goes in for the hug and embrace. Pretty much every time this week when this has happened, as her hands begin to wrap around my shoulders and neck I react and begin to throw back an arm lock or joint lock or counter choke to go with it. Sometimes it is wrapping my hands and arms ready to continue to further response. It is like going from zero, totally asleep, to 100 mph totally switched on engaging the attack in a moment until I swim out of that sleep and realize it is my spouse, my lover, my best friend. In the end I feel shitty for how I reacted..

That, right there, is what my family calls a flatline learning curve!

There have been years where my sleep is fine... But when my sleep is gone sideways, or I'm dealing with nightmares? I'm a danger to sleep with. So I usually remove myself to the couch, or somewhere else where there is a visual warning to others don't touch me. Or, for heavens sake, if you're gonna touch me, do it from a safe distance and be prepared to move. Fast.

In the military I served in, the rule/law was that a person is not responsible for their actions for the first 30 seconds after waking up. Up to, and including, murder. People get jumpy. So, generally, you kicked someone awake. Not cruelly, just tap their boots with your own. Was reading on here on another thread that waking up PTSD people from the feet is actually one of the most recommended versions. For just this reason. People can spring to reaction, looooong before their mind decides to join the party. The reaction part is pretty key. Either in response to a nightmare, or in response to outside stimulus.

Your wife seriously needs to stop doing this, until your sleep is better. Is it understandable she wants a cuddle? For sure. Just like its understandable that seeing a toddler you love that you might shout and wave hello at them. But if they're alone, across a busy street? You resist the dang impulse, because doing so is all but guaranteed to send that kid running toward you through traffic and getting splattered. Instead, you see a toddler you love across a busy street, you cross yourself first (and pray to god they don't see you and run to meet you). Once you've removed the risk of them being hit by a car? Then you call their name, smile, & wave. Once. It's. Safe. To. Do. So.

 

[Here_Still]

Thanks Fridayjones, your response is comforting. I have taken to sleeping in another room since my ptsd flared up last year, either in the living room on the sofa or a foamy in the spare room to not disturb her at night or to just be safe in my little corner. Being in the other room is also to prevent any bumps in the night incase I punch or kick in my sleep during nightmares to those sleeping with me, a few times my poor dogs have found themselves airborn.

After she goes to the office I might relocate to bed if I wake up. My dogs have picked up on times when I am beginning to thrash in my sleep and they will pull back to a safer spot but in the same room.