So Angry

[JFSurvivor]

When you forgive someone is it a one and done thing? Or can you forgive someone and then anger keeps coming back so you have to forgive them again? Can you be angry at someone and still have compassion on them?

I am so angry at my abusers because I am left with the consequences of THEIR actions and am left to suffer and they get off free!! In addition I was traumatized in high school! It feels like no one takes that seriously because people are like, "Oh yeah well everyone gets traumatized in high school." Was it to the extent where you had PTSD? Was it to the point you could barely function?

And the worst part is that until a little while ago I didn't even know what happened!! All I knew was that I went to school and came out with PTSD. While I was in school I was told everything was normal so I believed it! I was so wrong on so many levels! But the issue is that this stuff was so...extreme but not visible no one cared. NO ONE CARED AND I WAS STUCK! I still feel stuck...and I don't know how to get unstuck...

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Wow! Well... you're feelings are loud and clear here on this forum! They are also real, true, valid and justified. You've just expressed what so many others have and are experiencing.

I went into a hospital and came out with PTSD having no clue about the details of any of it. I've been told repeatedly that I "should" be able to deal with these events. I've been made to feel as though I'm wired wrong and less of a human to not be able to process and heal on my own.

Yes, I was and am very angry at those who caused and still do cause so much pain. It invades my everyday life, my husband, children, relationships etc... I often went through huge bouts of depression and deep hatred towards the people and events that yes, for the most part will get off scot free while I'm left with all the baggage. You're so right. It feels like you're stuck in a deep hole with no way out.

Now that you're identifying some of this - in a good way - would you be willing to seek out a good therapist to help you? They aren't miracle workers, but they do care and will help to walk with you through this.

Do you have any support around you? A trusted friend?

In the meantime, this forum has been a life-line at times for me. Keep posting! We hear you and care even if there are no perfect answers.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

"Oh yeah well everyone gets traumatized in high school."

Thats not true. I had trauma in high school due to severe bullying but not everyone has trauma from high school. Some go through their childhoods with no sort of trauma at all.

Stop comparing your trauma. It was bad enough.

When you forgive someone is it a one and done thing? Or can you forgive someone and then anger keeps coming back so you have to forgive them again? Can you be angry at someone and still have compassion on them?

I think forgiveness is done in pieces. I think one can think they forgave but didnt. I think some may not get anywhere by forgiving. I think you can have anger about it after forgiving. I think accepting and forgiving may go hand in hand with shedding the anger.

Just what i think.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Sorry, one more response... you mentioned forgiveness and compassion. Yes, there can be an element of compassion, but also, I firmly believe that forgiveness (true forgiveness) comes with time. It's not an overnight response. The pain is deep as is the betrayal, forgiveness takes time. It's a choice, but is also a journey.

 

[JFSurvivor]

Wow! Well... you're feelings are loud and clear here on this forum! They are also real, true, valid a...

Sadly I don't have any friends that understand or family that understand either. My therapist somewhat gets it. She's very nice but she tries to keep me in the here and now when I haven't even processed the past! So I'm going to talk to her.

 

[JFSurvivor]

Sorry, one more response... you mentioned forgiveness and compassion. Yes, there can be an element of compassion, but also, I firmly believe that forgiveness (true forgiveness) comes with time. It's not an overnight response. The pain is deep as is the betrayal, forgiveness takes time. It's a choice, but is also a journey.

Thank you. I totally agree. It's just nice hearing someone say it too.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think you understand forgiveness.

I don't think you're ready to forgive.

True forgiveness means the anger is gone and doesn't come back. I think youre talking about going through the motions of forgiveness without actually forgiving. Why are you pushing forgiveness so much?