So Different!!!

[Deleted member 28403]

@Notsowild
To fit in, huh, to be normal??? Why? Why even try? Todays world is twisted, messed up... Why want to be normal by standards of a word, which is twisted already.

Todays world is twisted, and to be normal, you'd have to be a person that looks away, that doesn't care whats happening, I despise such life... Just looking, just being a spectator forever... What kind of a life is that, awful... I probably sound even more completely crazy in this post, but the world today, it's messed up enough already, we don't need more normal people. Anyone different gets kicked out, it's awful...

On these forums, I find a true home, good home. Outcasts of normal society... The best people I know. Kicked out just because they are different... Uhh..

Well, gonna cut myself off here, to stop blabbering my thoughts... Though I can't express them eith words...

 

[sun seeker]

I haven't found anyone who accepts me like I am.

Have you tried groups for people with similar issues to yours? I don't know if there is such a thing in your area but that would be where I would look. The few long-term friendships I have started, either formally or by serendipity, by sharing with other women who have abuse issues. The connection can evolve into sharing other things, but knowing you have that basis of understanding in common makes the connection possible.

I find myself pretending I'm like them but that doesn't last long.

I do that. It's exhausting to keep it up for very long though, which is one reason I isolate so much. It isn't always on purpose, more that I don't have a solid enough identity (very early trauma does this) and it's like I can be drawn into another person's aura. The more trust there is with someone though, the more I feel able to stand as a separate person. It's something I may need to work on for a long time.

It would be interesting to start a thread on what people perceive "normal" to mean. I might do that if no one else does.

 

[ghotiff]

How is that working for you?

The older I get, I think the better I get at initially conforming, but soon after that, then knowing which parts of my abnormal self to expose. I don't have many friends but those who I do have are great.

 

[Notsowild]

I'm sure it's just me. I've always felt out of place. I had a horrendous abusive childhood. I've been extremely shy and awkward around people. My sexual abuse makes me feel like everyone can see through me and know I was abused. I'm tall, have red hair and freckles so I can't just blend into a room. I was told at work I'm the only one who looks like me. It was meant as a compliment but to me it was just another way of not fitting in. Now with my latest trauma it has just brought out more quirks. No where to run and hide even though I want to most days.