QuirkyTofurkey
Confident
My CBT therapist (who I meet with to cope with the experiences after EMDR) talks to me about my avoidance as if it's just a matter of willpower: "Just try to be in the present moment"; "Just be more mindful"; "Don't do that - that's just another avoidance activity"
I don't think she understands just how hard it is to stop avoiding. I have to have a soothing tv show playing non-stop, and I do so many things to distract myself in between EMDR sessions. If I don't, it really feels like everything is falling apart. I already feel like I'm doing a lot by going to EMDR and giving it my all. And I also do activities to try to ease out of my avoidance behavior (e.g., spend 5 minutes with my thoughts, and acknowledge how my body feels, take a long walk without headphones, etc.) But it feels like such a strenuous thing to do each time, and I need to reactivate my soothing activities to just recover from that. It seems like it's going to take several months (if not a year even) to really get the hang of this.
It's frustrating because my therapist talks to me as if I'm just being lazy for giving into my avoidant behavior, but it's such an inner battle. I feel exhausted even convincing myself to spend short bursts of time *not avoiding*. Please tell me I'm not the only one. A weird trigger for me is this idea that I'm "lazy"; it really gets to me when someone implies I'm just not doing the simple task because I can't be bothered.
I don't think she understands just how hard it is to stop avoiding. I have to have a soothing tv show playing non-stop, and I do so many things to distract myself in between EMDR sessions. If I don't, it really feels like everything is falling apart. I already feel like I'm doing a lot by going to EMDR and giving it my all. And I also do activities to try to ease out of my avoidance behavior (e.g., spend 5 minutes with my thoughts, and acknowledge how my body feels, take a long walk without headphones, etc.) But it feels like such a strenuous thing to do each time, and I need to reactivate my soothing activities to just recover from that. It seems like it's going to take several months (if not a year even) to really get the hang of this.
It's frustrating because my therapist talks to me as if I'm just being lazy for giving into my avoidant behavior, but it's such an inner battle. I feel exhausted even convincing myself to spend short bursts of time *not avoiding*. Please tell me I'm not the only one. A weird trigger for me is this idea that I'm "lazy"; it really gets to me when someone implies I'm just not doing the simple task because I can't be bothered.