So Incredibly Low And Scared

[missing_the _sunshine]

I am feeling so incredibly low right now and am so scared of where I am heading. Alone and worthless and feel like I have recently become a regular in the background of life and rapidly fading. No one to turn to and no where to go - feel like my heart has been ripped out.

Scared out of my mind.

 

[Srain]

Missing_the_sunshine, it's so easy to feel like that, allow ourselves to drift back there without letting anyone know it's happening. That why I'm so glad you took the chance to post this! I understand the fear, it seems to tremble under my skin non-stop sometimes to where I feel I could just rip it out and maybe that would help. But the fact that you are brave enough to keep come here where you belong says much about the person you are and the journey you have chosen.

I wonder what has happen recently that has you come to this fork in the road, more so I wonder if you know how many of us have and will be right where you are at. Do you have a therapist to help you work through what happening at this point? It seems to be pretty serious and something that you need help with.

You are in my heart and thoughts,
Peace and healing,
Rain

 

[bohemianred]

I wish there were something I could offer that would be of solace.
(((Hugs)))

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Thanks Rain and BR

I see a T but she is on holidays for 3 weeks.

Feel horrible - never felt this bad before.

 

[Spero3]

Great words, Srain.

Spero

 

[Spero3]

Missing the Sunshine,

I am not sure I can put it better than Srain, but I want to offer you encouragement to keep pushing forward. Those lowest moments are where we find strength and get stronger. Everyone on this forum knows what you are struggling with. Know you are not alone even if it feels that way. Do you have some self-soothing exercises? Does writing out your feelings help? You are strong even if it doesn't feel that way.

Spero

 

[ronin47]

How long have you been feeling this way? Did it start once your therapist went on vacation? You mentioned you felt like you recently become a "regular in the background of life." What did you mean by that exactly?

Hoplessness stems from feeling like the future holds nothing for you. Remind yourself of little things to look forward to; chocolate ice cream, the newest movie at the theater, a sunset, your T returning from vacation, and more. Create things to look forward to if you can.

 

[Tessa]

Sending warm hugs and please hang on through this dark time. We will send a gentle breeze to keep your candle of hope burning. Most of us have been in this dark place too and we are here with you as you struggle. Thankyou for coming onto the forum and sharing your feelings.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

How long have you been feeling this way? Did it start once your therapist went on vacation? ?

Ronin - I tried to protect my disabled brother from my Dad and my Dad didn't like it very much so then turned on me...its been a long time since beatings (about 6months) but he made up for the lost time. Don't think I will be able to go out for a while with the way I am looking.

You mentioned you felt like you recently become a "regular in the background of life." What did you mean by that exactly?

I think that everyone goes through life not even noticing me and that I could easily slip away unseen or even missed.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Thankyou for coming onto the forum and sharing your feelings.

Thanks Tessa - am really scared so wasn't really sure what to do and the forum is the only place I can turn to. So I lumped it on you guys I'm afraid.

 

[Tessa]

Sorry to hear about the beatings. You can still come here and share your feelings and we won't mind how you look. We know there is a beautiful person inside who is hurting.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Hi Missing the Sunshine!

You are definitely very strong and caring! As a disabled person, I am grateful that there are people out there like you who try to protect us. You definitely do not deserve the beatings!

Similarly to everyone else, I understand how you are feeling. Bright and I do not care what you look like. If you like dogs, Bright is sending you a big cuddly golden retriever hug.

I also understand how you feel with your T going on holiday. One of my workers is gone for 3 weeks and my therapist is gone for 1 1/2 weeks. We are here for you, day and night...

Sending you all the best!