So,why Would Therapists Recommend Brene Brown For Trauma Sufferers?

[Lucycat]

Why should I be ashamed of being victimized? I didn't choose it! Why should I feel afraid that someone won't like me because I was victimized? I wouldn't like THEM if they felt that way. So, they should be ashamed... and I just let them be that way. I know that most people won't be friend-worthy.

This resonates with me particularly today. I am thinking about my sister in law who is coming to visit tomorrow for 3 nights.

When I first got sick, and was in the midst of a break down, Rory told her the cause - that I had been sexually abused by my father and he had just been arrested.
Her reaction? To tell me to keep it to myself and not tell either her husband or any of Rory's other brothers. She was ashamed of me and what I had 'brought into' her family. I felt like contaminated goods.

I will never forgive nor forget that reaction. As time has passed we have at appropriate moments told his other brothers ( they were asking where my father was for goodness sakes!) and every one of them has been supportive.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Her reaction? To tell me to keep it to myself and not tell either her husband or any of Rory's other brothers. She was ashamed of me and what I had 'brought into' her family.

Willful ignorance on her part. Perhaps,she has issues she hasn't dealt with. It could be many things. Sounds like an excellent opportunity for you to empower yourself and share sexual abuse awareness. :)

 

[Lucycat]

. Sounds like an excellent opportunity for you to empower yourself and share sexual abuse awareness. :)

I thought I was doing that by being a moderator on sexual abuse forum.:rolleyes:
Oh. Did I really say that?:locktopic:

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I thought I was doing that by being a moderator on sexual abuse website.

Is there a chance you can allow your empowerment to extend to the general public? To people like your sister in law. Together you and your sister in law can help lift the silence and taboo surrounding sexual abuse.

 

[Lucycat]

No! She is really not interested. Because of my job I cannot be open about my experiences. I have plans for after I retire though. Just not yet ...

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I know you have your own stories, and I'm not minimizing those, but humour goes only that far and no further.

I respect your right to feel the way you feel. We process pain differently..that's all.

I was mortified I was the kid with the crazy mother. She tried shaming my friends as well. It was her norm to lock all of us out of the house and refused to give us water. Neighbor kids were not allowed at our house. The list is endless...

In some ways I was happy she locked us out. It got me away from her and her insane sermons and cleaning the house.

I am currently focusing on managing my flashbacks. I am using humor to jolt me back. My jealous sister yanked my hair as I bit my grandfather. I don't care who you are...that IS funny!!!!!:roflmao:

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I will never forgive nor forget that reaction.

No! She is really not interested.

OK. So you are happier writing her off as a lost cause?

 

[Muzikluvr]

OK. So you are happier writing her off as a lost cause?

Lost to what? Reason? Sensitivity? Sensibility? Yes. I think she is, lol. We are 7 BILLION people on this planet, and we're not all going the same direction, with the same destination in mind. I mean, we don't all value the same things. We're not all trying to be enlightened, and we don't all agree on what "being enlightened" means. So, if she doesn't want to hear about sexual abuse, why should Lucycat force the issue?

Lost cause as in her relationship with her sister-in-law, Lucycat? Um... that's her choice. What an insensitive thing to tell Lucycat, to keep it a secret, to keep it out of her family, etc...

There is no such thing as a lost cause, IMHO. There are some people who are like-minded, and others who are not. Some people who weren't like-minded at one time, change their minds; or we change ours and they become like-minded with us. We can talk until we're blue in the face and some people will never believe logic and facts. Look at Ken Hamm.

I actually am much happier "writing people off as lost causes" as you put it. I feel no responsibility for their decisions. They are free to believe that unicorns exist, or that preventing sexual abuse is achieved by not talking about it. That's their choice. I won't confide in them. I won't trust them. I won't seek out their company. But, I don't need to force them to change their minds. Nothing depends on it.

Any cause that you want to champion will only ever be successful by communicating it to people who are open to hearing your ideas, your beliefs.

Good luck with your SIL, Lucycat! I wish you patience, good humour, and a couple of breaks away from her each day! :)

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

So, if she doesn't want to hear about sexual abuse, why should Lucycat force the issue?

I wasn't suggesting Lucycat to force the issue. Lucycat stated she will never forgive or forget her sister in law's reaction. If she wants to harbor resentments she is free to do so. I offered a positive solution and perspective. It was met with the same resistance. So be it. :)