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Emerg Services Society has it all wrong.

sp33

New Here
I have sacrificed myself and my life in service of others. I have seen and done things that most people can’t comprehend. Because of this, I now have PTSD and I can’t get help because I can’t afford the ridiculously expensive therapists and doctors. So now I have to live a life of untreated PTSD and you know the consequences of that!! What does that say about our society, when someone who has sacrificed so much to only be forgotten about and discarded like trash. I sympathize with our soliders, who have sacrificed their lives for our freedom and society shames them because of their mental health issues. We have it all wrong, when we pay people six figures and more for sitting in a safe comfortable office all day, when others have sacrificed their lives for us and can barely afford to eat, let alone get professional help for their mental illness.

I am disgusted with what we have become as a society.
 
I am disgusted with what we have become as a society.
i share your disgust, but on different issues. i started my recovery from child sex trafficking in 1972 when combat ptsd was still being called, "shell shock" and victims of abuse were still being called, "just plain crazy." for my psycho nickel, recovery options have come a long, long way. works still in progress.

my disgust is along the line of not being able to tell if i am visiting elementary school students or prison inmates. are we safe yet?
 
i share your disgust, but on different issues. i started my recovery from child sex trafficking in 1972 when combat ptsd was still being called, "shell shock" and victims of abuse were still being called, "just plain crazy." for my psycho nickel, recovery options have come a long, long way. works still in progress.

my disgust is along the line of not being able to tell if i am visiting elementary school students or prison inmates. are we safe yet?

I’m so sorry for what you went through. None of us are crazy. We all are fighting our own unique battles.
 
Our society is broken in a lot of ways. When my basic needs aren't met I get resentful as well. My last diary entries were mostly me raging out like this so I am not one to even talk.

Mostly because our climate is irreparably damaged and our world will be inhospitable to future generations and capitalism has rendered everyone slaves and my country has legalized eugenics, etc etc etc.

It all sucks and there's no solution. When I have room to think (not in excruciating pain 24/7, not having flashbacks all the time, have food and water and shelter, hobbies) I am better able to find peace.

Nothing we do or feel has the power to actually change the past, and we can't know the future, either. All we can do is find happiness in each moment. When the present is upsetting, it's easy to be fooled into thinking all of life is an endless shit-show. That's the hedonic treadmill for ya.

So when the going gets tough? I try to do what I can do improve the moment right in front of me. A good conversation. A walk. A game. Even bad coping mechanisms are still preferable to death. It reminds me that the future will one day have moments of pleasure, too.
 
How any society treats its most vulnerable; children, elderly, ill, injured, invisible, targeted, poor? Is one of the best metrics I know of.

One of the great ironies in my own life is that I’ve always lived far better when I’m ranging from completely illegal to working almooooost entirely outside of the system (meaning I still made & used contacts within that system), than when I’m doing everything “right”. When I’m in a position where I’m “supposed to” to protected, taken care of, etc.? I. Am. Totally. f*cked. Every single durn time. From the everyday to the “this will make a funny story later” level of things going wrong. But when I’m on my own, know it, & winging it? My ass is covered 6 ways from Sunday, so unsurprisingly, very little goes wrong. Or, rather, whatever DOES go wrong has contingencies in place… so it doesn’t feel as big, because it just doesn’t hit as hard.
 
Agreed.


I’ve been searching for a year and a half and have called 30+ places. Do you have any suggestions for anyone?
For therapy no. I do a lot of Googling and YouTubing. You can find things about therapy that you can do on your own as well as activities to help ease your discomfort.

When I get in a bad way at work I put my earplugs in to bring the decibels down and I usually take a break or find a quiet place to go for a few minutes so I can do my breathing exercises.

At home I listen to calming music and find things to keep myself busy, gaming, housework, laundry, dishes, cooking, reading and journaling. Out of everything I've done for myself over the past 58 yrs the journaling has helped me have a safe place to let it all out. And that alone has helped tremendously.

Our mental health providers here are not even worth bothering with. I feel like they're just a bunch of quacks cuz they don't really know how to help anyone. We're just kinda on our own here. Many are in and out of the hospital but it may be because of other things. (ie: drugs)

You just hafta use the tools you have and look for things you can do that you can afford & that make you feel better and bring you to a more calm space.

This is an example of what I mean by doing you're own research:
how to deal with PTSD triggers

When the system lets you down you have to find a way on your own. Granted I can't write myself prescriptions but I can talk to my primary and sometimes he will write me a scrip for something to try. Sometimes we have to just take care of ourselves when left with no other choices. It's hard to force yourself to take care of yourself but if you don't, who else will?

None of this is criticism. This is just what I've had to do for myself and it has taken a long time to get to a place where I'm finally doing better.
 
For therapy no. I do a lot of Googling and YouTubing. You can find things about therapy that you can do on your own as well as activities to help ease your discomfort.

When I get in a bad way at work I put my earplugs in to bring the decibels down and I usually take a break or find a quiet place to go for a few minutes so I can do my breathing exercises.

At home I listen to calming music and find things to keep myself busy, gaming, housework, laundry, dishes, cooking, reading and journaling. Out of everything I've done for myself over the past 58 yrs the journaling has helped me have a safe place to let it all out. And that alone has helped tremendously.

Our mental health providers here are not even worth bothering with. I feel like they're just a bunch of quacks cuz they don't really know how to help anyone. We're just kinda on our own here. Many are in and out of the hospital but it may be because of other things. (ie: drugs)

You just hafta use the tools you have and look for things you can do that you can afford & that make you feel better and bring you to a more calm space.

This is an example of what I mean by doing you're own research:
how to deal with PTSD triggers

When the system lets you down you have to find a way on your own. Granted I can't write myself prescriptions but I can talk to my primary and sometimes he will write me a scrip for something to try. Sometimes we have to just take care of ourselves when left with no other choices. It's hard to force yourself to take care of yourself but if you don't, who else will?

None of this is criticism. This is just what I've had to do for myself and it has taken a long time to get to a place where I'm finally doing better.
Maybe it’s just me because I am all kinds of messed up, but journaling is hard for me. I feel like it just re-traumatizes me. I just relive what’s in my head again when I write about it. That’s just me though.
 
How any society treats its most vulnerable; children, elderly, ill, injured, invisible, targeted, poor? Is one of the best metrics I know of.

One of the great ironies in my own life is that I’ve always lived far better when I’m ranging from completely illegal to working almooooost entirely outside of the system (meaning I still made & used contacts within that system), than when I’m doing everything “right”. When I’m in a position where I’m “supposed to” to protected, taken care of, etc.? I. Am. Totally. f*cked. Every single durn time. From the everyday to the “this will make a funny story later” level of things going wrong. But when I’m on my own, know it, & winging it? My ass is covered 6 ways from Sunday, so unsurprisingly, very little goes wrong. Or, rather, whatever DOES go wrong has contingencies in place… so it doesn’t feel as big, because it just doesn’t hit as hard.
Some days doing everything right is exhausting. Go to work, pay your bills, keep your drivers license and vehicle registration current, exercise, eat healthy, don’t smoke, drink or do drugs, get plenty of sleep, socialize and for god sakes, don’t forget to floss.
 
Maybe it’s just me because I am all kinds of messed up, but journaling is hard for me. I feel like it just re-traumatizes me. I just relive what’s in my head again when I write about it. That’s just me though.
Then write about the good stuff. Write about challenges you've overcome. You know what you need to feel better more than any shrink will. You know what will comfort you so you go with that. You see what I'm saying?
 
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