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Someone help me sort this out - Marriage, Pregnancy, Hormones, Depression, & Trauma

where a postpartum mom had a break down and killed her children or something

I'm here to tell you that pregnancy hormones are absolutely no joke. My mom had post-partum psychosis for six years (yup, it can last that long) and I was nearly one of those children who ended up dead as a result.

She would regularly put a pillow over my face every single time I cried until I was six and only stopped when I stopped crying. I have RAD because she would lock me in a room for hours on end and completely neglect any type of personal care that an infant needs.

I don't mean to freak anyone out or make it about me but "it's just hormones"? Is absolutely an extremely serious thing that can affect you and your child and your spouse for years to come.

If you're having these major depressive spells that are abnormal I'd highly suggest speaking to a doctor to make sure it doesn't turn into something that has long-term impact on your family.
 
I'm here to tell you that pregnancy hormones are absolutely no joke. My mom had post-partum psychosis for six years (yup, it can last that long) and I was nearly one of those children who ended up dead as a result.

She would regularly put a pillow over my face every single time I cried until I was six and only stopped when I stopped crying. I have RAD because she would lock me in a room for hours on end and completely neglect any type of personal care that an infant needs.

I don't mean to freak anyone out or make it about me but "it's just hormones"? Is absolutely an extremely serious thing that can affect you and your child and your spouse for years to come.

If you're having these major depressive spells that are abnormal I'd highly suggest speaking to a doctor to make sure it doesn't turn into something that has long-term impact on your family.
That shit is terrifying. Honestly crazy You aren’t dead?

I guess it’s easy to invalidate hormones, being a woman and all. I’m a relatively rational/logical person so I’m like “hormones aren’t real”.
 
That shit is terrifying. Honestly crazy You aren’t dead?

Indeed so. The scariest thing about it is how abruptly it ended and how much of a 180 my mother did after it seemed to have run it's course. Since I was six I never experienced any type of verbal or physical violence from her.

She remained depressed thru my childhood and neglected to recognize what was happening with her partner and ignored some serious red flags, but she was a new mom and very mentally ill.

I always say to anyone who thinks hormones are not a big deal, they can completely destroy your life and your children's lives and turn you into something that obliterates your conscious understanding of who you are. That's why mental health and pregnancy are so important to understand together.

And yes, it is very shocking that I am still alive. I learned quickly that I had to stop crying for her to stop doing it, but I can't imagine I had that awareness in infancy. It was undoubtedly just pure luck.
 
Indeed so. The scariest thing about it is how abruptly it ended and how much of a 180 my mother did after it seemed to have run it's course. Since I was six I never experienced any type of verbal or physical violence from her.

She remained depressed thru my childhood and neglected to recognize what was happening with her partner and ignored some serious red flags, but she was a new mom and very mentally ill.

I always say to anyone who thinks hormones are not a big deal, they can completely destroy your life and your children's lives and turn you into something that obliterates your conscious understanding of who you are. That's why mental health and pregnancy are so important to understand together.

And yes, it is very shocking that I am still alive. I learned quickly that I had to stop crying for her to stop doing it, but I can't imagine I had that awareness in infancy. It was undoubtedly just pure luck.
That’s wild, I figured she was an asshole not hormonal as well 😳

It’s hard to manage mental health 😥 like people say that but what do ya do about it 😫

It’s amazing how survival is innate. Do you like not cry anymore?
 
It’s amazing how survival is innate. Do you like not cry anymore?
I actually was diagnosed with inhibited RAD as a child, and schizoid personality disorder as an adult. Both disorders involve a profound lack of affective emotions and empathy. I do not cry, almost ever. The only times that I have cried as a grown-up have been a result of dissociative fugue/switching, and after psilocybin therapy. My therapist suspects a lot of this was trained out of me in childhood, due to the extreme actions that occurred whenever I did cry. When babies cry and it is ignored, it's typical for that infant to stop crying, so that it doesn't expose itself to predators. Since the infant realizes that it is alone and not amongst family members who will respond.

There's a lot of interesting evolutionary psychology at play, there, but it speaks to the linearity of disorders like RAD. Again, not to make it about myself, as I often do! (Ha, +1 for that autistic thinking) but just to throw another example in the ring as to how profoundly hormones can actually impact a person. My mother was simply not an asshole. We have a good relationship now, and she has taken responsibility for her behavior in my early childhood.

She is a good person, who ended up becoming psychotic due to post-partum hormones, and who had no assistance of any kind other than her equally mentally ill (NPD, abusive) mother. I've forgiven her, but obviously, this is because I lack the emotional capacity to feel abandonment/betrayal/etc. It might be different if I had access to those feelings, but I am content with it all. I feel at peace with our relationship, and I would not relish having to re-process it all through those emotions.

It simply isn't important to me to force that state on myself, to work through something that I've already come to terms with. But another child, who has a different reaction to post-partum psychosis, who maybe does end up with some emotions intact? That is going to be a long road to peace between mother and child, for sure.
 
I actually was diagnosed with inhibited RAD as a child, and schizoid personality disorder as an adult. Both disorders involve a profound lack of affective emotions and empathy. I do not cry, almost ever. The only times that I have cried as a grown-up have been a result of dissociative fugue/switching, and after psilocybin therapy. My therapist suspects a lot of this was trained out of me in childhood, due to the extreme actions that occurred whenever I did cry. When babies cry and it is ignored, it's typical for that infant to stop crying, so that it doesn't expose itself to predators. Since the infant realizes that it is alone and not amongst family members who will respond.

There's a lot of interesting evolutionary psychology at play, there, but it speaks to the linearity of disorders like RAD. Again, not to make it about myself, as I often do! (Ha, +1 for that autistic thinking) but just to throw another example in the ring as to how profoundly hormones can actually impact a person. My mother was simply not an asshole. We have a good relationship now, and she has taken responsibility for her behavior in my early childhood.

She is a good person, who ended up becoming psychotic due to post-partum hormones, and who had no assistance of any kind other than her equally mentally ill (NPD, abusive) mother. I've forgiven her, but obviously, this is because I lack the emotional capacity to feel abandonment/betrayal/etc. It might be different if I had access to those feelings, but I am content with it all. I feel at peace with our relationship, and I would not relish having to re-process it all through those emotions.

It simply isn't important to me to force that state on myself, to work through something that I've already come to terms with. But another child, who has a different reaction to post-partum psychosis, who maybe does end up with some emotions intact? That is going to be a long road to peace between mother and child, for sure.
Reflecting on these diagnosises, which do you feel are most accurate? Autism, RAD, schizoid personality disorder, (or other?)? There’s a lot of overlap, and sometimes not all diagnosises “stand the test of time”.
 
I’m a relatively rational/logical person so I’m like “hormones aren’t real”.
This oxymoron just about made my brain explode!!

The role of hormones is epic in so much mental health disorders. If you lean towards ‘rational’ rather than emotional in the way you reason and perceive the world? Use that to your advantage and get some education into yourself about hormones. Not just around pregnancy, but also around PTSD, because the role hormones play in fking us up is huge.

One of the hospitals I did a lot of time in had a whole wing set aside for women with pre and post partum mental health conditions. Not just a couple of beds - a whole wing of the hospital. Women who needed 24 hours specialised mental health support to not top themselves an/or their baby, largely because of the role of hormones during pregnancy.

At the other end of the spectrum, my sister had a fairly mild case of post partum depression after her second pregnancy, which was treated very effectively with antidepressants.

Psychoeducation plays a huge role in stabilising mental health when things are going awry. There’s nothing mild about hormones - definitely it would be time well spent to learn a bit more about what’s happening to your body hormonally.

In addition? Check in with your GP so that they’re aware that this has already started to rear its head, so that if things deteriorate, you’ll have someone ready who has been monitoring the situation and is better prepared to respond if it becomes problematic.
 
This oxymoron just about made my brain explode!!

The role of hormones is epic in so much mental health disorders. If you lean towards ‘rational’ rather than emotional in the way you reason and perceive the world? Use that to your advantage and get some education into yourself about hormones. Not just around pregnancy, but also around PTSD, because the role hormones play in fking us up is huge.

One of the hospitals I did a lot of time in had a whole wing set aside for women with pre and post partum mental health conditions. Not just a couple of beds - a whole wing of the hospital. Women who needed 24 hours specialised mental health support to not top themselves an/or their baby, largely because of the role of hormones during pregnancy.

At the other end of the spectrum, my sister had a fairly mild case of post partum depression after her second pregnancy, which was treated very effectively with antidepressants.

Psychoeducation plays a huge role in stabilising mental health when things are going awry. There’s nothing mild about hormones - definitely it would be time well spent to learn a bit more about what’s happening to your body hormonally.

In addition? Check in with your GP so that they’re aware that this has already started to rear its head, so that if things deteriorate, you’ll have someone ready who has been monitoring the situation and is better prepared to respond if it becomes problematic.
You’re so right… I guess I mean I invalidate/gaslight myself because hormones aren’t like a real reason to be upset it’s like a “get over yourself” kind of thing lol but that has to do with growing up with every mental issue being dismissed with “you’re overtired/hungry/hormonal, get over yourself” when I was like having flashbacks and panic attacks.

I’ve mentioned it to my midwife, guess I’ll bring it up again since it’s been such an ongoing issue.
 
I guess I mean I invalidate/gaslight myself because hormones aren’t like a real reason to be upset it’s like a “get over yourself” kind of thing
Totally get this. If it were anyone else, you’d tell them to get support, because it’s a ‘real thing’. But for ourselves, it falls in the “hey, it’s just your 2 legs blown off and your spinal cord severed at the neck - get over yourself’!!!

One of the things worth practicing, now that you have a little human to look after, is noticing when you’re engaging in that self sabotage. Because it won’t just be effecting you, but also the people around you. And soon, one of those people will be completely dependent on you.
 
Totally get this. If it were anyone else, you’d tell them to get support, because it’s a ‘real thing’. But for ourselves, it falls in the “hey, it’s just your 2 legs blown off and your spinal cord severed at the neck - get over yourself’!!!

One of the things worth practicing, now that you have a little human to look after, is noticing when you’re engaging in that self sabotage. Because it won’t just be effecting you, but also the people around you. And soon, one of those people will be completely dependent on you.
True as heck

Tbh I invalidate others for hormonal-related emotional problems too lol. Like on my period, I’m pretty much the same as when I’m not, so when women are all like “Ugh I’m on my period” I’m like bitch you get it 20%-25% of your life, get used to it xD
 
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