Welcome to the site Corey.
As Wagon mentioned, an intro would be nice. we are not to friendly to strangers.
First things first.
I dont wanna hear "put one foot infront of the other" and "theres a light at the end of the tunnel" generic textbook responses seem to piss me off even more............................
I hear you on that, 2 definite phrase`s that drive me up the f*cking wall, even today. imho they are the cop out response to an issue when you do not know what to say.
So yeah, shut up, smile and nod your head, It`s universal and isn`t patronising.
I just recently joined this site because my PTSD is getting worse...I cant sleep a wink, I cant be around family and friends because im afraid of havin a panic attack/outburst, my fits of rage are increasing and I just feel so f*ckin worthless............................
Knowing you have problems is the start of the bumpy road to recovery. So you know you have Issues, now it is down to YOU to do something about them.
Basically no one else can give a magic pill, or any thing else, beacause they don`t exist.
And the road you must travel has no short cuts, Í you are not willing to stay the course, and stay on track, you will not cope and will not recover to a state that your life is worth living again.
...........................How can anyone love me or want to be around me when I dont even want to be.......................
They won`t and don`t. If you want people to love you and want to be around you, you are going to need to get a grip of the Beast. If you don`t, the Beast will ensure you push anybody and everybody away and it will burn the bridges at the same time.
You need to get to the state where you can talk to family members, Nothing in detail about your experiences, Just highlighted. And the main thing is leting people around you know when you are having a bad day, and are about to explode. If they know, they can help innot escalating situations.
...........................I dont want to get hooked on meds to make me feel good then be stuck on them forever. ...........................................
Like the brothers and sister above have said, Meds are needed to get you back to "Functioning" again. But you need a good doc who is willing to listen to what you say, and work with you. Not one who just wants to drug you up and have an easy time.
When I was first treated for Mental Health Issues I was given meds, that on top of my meds for physical injuries had me taking (at its worst) 12 a day.
I found a good doc who weened me off all of them, and I am now Med free. and am doing good.
They do not need to be a life long thing, but you will need them to help you in the beginning.
...........................I know nothing will ever be the same but I just want to feel ok and move on with my life.. Thats why ive stopped seeking counseling, .....................................
Hmm. Counseling..............I had, let me think............I believe it was 6 in total. Some I walked out on in the first session, others took a couple of weeks. The Lass I found who helped the most was an Aging old women, never been in the Military and never dealt with a Combat PTSD issue before.
But her 40+ years of experience in the job done wonders.
What I am trying to say is, you will run into arseholes in the therapie scene. Trust your gut and go with the most sympathetic. Sticking to that is a good rule of thumb and should help you in finding the right person.
You need a Therapist with whom you can talk about not only your Combat issues, but also how shity the day is because its raining.
A Therapie session doesn`t have to be an all in chat about death and destruction on the battlefield. Mine used to wait and see what I started with in our sessions. And if it was the Racoon going through my bins, then that was my Issue for the day that need sorting.
...........................someone just be real and maybe give me some stories of what has helped you. I find driving in a car is the only time all my senses come together and i can think. Anyone out there have any ideas....
I used to love my bike and 4x4. Like you say, it is the only time you seem to think. And then one day the Beast rears his bastard Head, and you end up in a fit of rage at the arsewipe tailgating you, and you end of ramming him of the road, in court looking at prision for attempted manslaughter, hoping to hell your solicitor is damn good.
Turns out mine was, but it still cost me 3 grand, and 2 years no license, and the knowledge that I came very close to killing 3 people who were at the end of the day, "ONLY" tailgating. And that I needed serious help.
I waited so long to even contemplate "I have a Problem" that I ended up on the end of a rope, having thrown in the towel. The misses found me, dissowned me and had me admitted to a Secure Clinic. I spent 9 months in a clinic coming to terms with me and myself and what I needed to do.
Once the misses saw me working at helping myself she let me back into her life, but it was about a year in total before we actually got back together.
Today, it is still a hard f*cked up and bumpy road we travel on with the Beast ever near, watching and waiting for us to drop our guard so he can pounce.
Since leaving the clinic, I have been more or less Med free. I do dabble into the Esoteric and Natural Health side of things now and again, which is more a natural and gentle medicine. It has also helped me even further in lowering my Anger and helping me and my head deal with the left over issues, to the state that I now sleep 6 to 7 hours straight, rarely have nightmares and feel allmost as human I once was.
But then what has worked for me, may not work for others, mainly because a lot of people believe it to be Hocus Pokus crap and haven`t been low enough to try anything.
So what do you need to do?
Is the VA something you can go to. (not knowing which country you are in makes that soemthing only you can decide)
Understand that we here in the forum are only a crutch, and not a cure. We all have our own demons with which we still deal, and therefore, there are times where we are loosing the battle with the Beast and just disapear for a month or two.
Which leads to why you need a Therapist. A good one will be there for you, at best weekly and on the phone for those days when the world implodes. But she can only work with you if your head is more or less straight. Which is why you need a Doc who will work with you and the meds, at worst monthly. Anything over that and they are not paying attention to you and how you react to the meds.
You could also try an Inpatient Program and Group Therapies. They work! but only the same way as your Therapist will work, there needs to be a certain amount of Sympathie, and not just a load of moaning old wankers.
The main thing is getting out there and doing something. Stuff will go pear shaped, you will regulary hit a pot hole in the road, and once in a while you world will implode. And they are the times to have a straight head and say "Shit, that didn`t work. NEXT"
It isn`t easy. No one here will tell you that. We all know how hard it is.
But it can be done.
tuppence.
Hang tough Brother
