Someone Please Tell Me Why....

[Ava Jarvis]

Wow. Thank you all so much.

I am writing these points down in my planner so I know where to look for coping the next time I start cycling on this.

Love you all. :)

 

[sun seeker]

Thank you so much for posting this Ava. I read every reply carefully because this is a question dear to my heart. I too used to go waaaay beyond my comfort zone giving away what I had, because I didn't feel worthy of having anything. Sometimes people appreciated it, but other times I have been taken advantage of just as you were. Many times, I have given so much that I have nothing left and then have to turn around and ask for help myself. Used to be that I asked one of my former abusers for help. How messed up is that?! But that is over and now I know I have to put myself first, because that is the only way I will be strong enough to have anything to give in the future. Now, when I have something to give, it is genuine and not out of guilt. Feels way different.

Why should I spend money on myself when so many people are in need, including a few of my friends?

Because you need to take care of yourself before you have anything to give to anyone else. Kind of like putting on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else put on theirs.

Am I a bad person to not spend money on other people right now?

No, because for one thing it is your money, and for another, you need it as much as or more than those other people. Right now, you ARE one of those people who need help. And you deserve it as much as anyone does. It's a tough thing to get your mind around when you are used to doing for others all the time, but this is your opportunity to learn to receive... and that you are a worthy person regardless.

I see you as such a giving person here on the forum. You give time and compassion and kindness, and that is worth a lot.

 

[sun seeker]

p.s. I'm very tempted to go back and fiddle around with my post above, to make every last detail absolutely fair and accurate. But I'm resisting because what I said actually is true, and no one needs an exact play-by-play of my life.

See yourself anywhere in this? I think we're a lot alike. :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am writing these points down in my planner so I know where to look for coping the next time I start cycling on this.

I corrected my miss types. Hopefully you could read it but either way its corrected now. Sorry, was in a rush to go to a Dr.

 

[sun seeker]

I just found this thread, haven't read the whole thing but it looks like it has some common ground with this one, maybe there is something helpful there.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/is-this-selfish.61491/#post-999870