WanderingSoul
Bronze Member
Hello everyone
I had battled against forms of PTSD throughout my life. But it wasn't until I was almost 30 that all my hard work and dedication had been thrown upsidown and ruined by a lazy thug who did not seem to care if the job he wanted me to do would kill or cripple me.
If I started from the beginning this would be a very long introduction. But to shorten the story some. I had to overcome other PTSD from street violence growing up. I managed to survive my neighborhood. And I was determined to do something good with my life and for my community.
But sometimes your hard work and skill is a threat to others. I still can not understand this. You can be a skilled, helpful, productive, team worker. And others who are threatened by this will try to set you up and destroy you.
Some are so caught up in this awful lifestyle. That it seems they hope to just die working on the job. Wether it kills you too or not.
I thought I was prepared to face anything after what I survived which was next to a war zone but with kids who had weapons and drugs, not adults.
So I spent my twenties working hard and reaching for a better life. And trying to leave a better impact on the world. I had always been kind and helpful to others. And when the monsters came around, I stood strong.
The first event that truly shook my foundation of strength I rebuilt myself was electrocution at 277v many years ago now. Since that day I had trouble focusing as much as I had been. The licensed guy I was working with was convinced the circuit was not live. I knew from my safety courses to start with the right hand as opposed to your left because of where your heart is. I felt that surge up my right leg up my back and down my right arm as it pulled me towards it. Somehow I fell over instead of into the panel. The other guy shouting at me 'whats wrong? get up he says. It's live I told him. He thought I was lying or something. So he reached in, got shocked too. Swore at it and said we can't get it done. The city wants it done but it cant be done live. It never happened he said. Whatever.
The next event ended my career training. I had to keep my mouth shut about the hazing that sometimes took place. It wasn't often. Some of it seemed like it was just proving yourself. But sometimes you got assigned to someone that saw you as the next victim.
Long story short I was first threatened to perform a two man job. That I had no rights to request a second hand performing it and I should be greatful that I had to do all the lifting for everyone else. I stood up to this man 10 years my senior. And he hated me for it. Although I had OSHA training and other safety courses. 'Our rules are different then the rules' He argued. If you want to work in the city, you have to do it our way. Who do you think you are I asked him? I'm 100 more valuable then you will ever be he said. We don't need any more educated workers in the city he shouted. We need laborers to move material. You wan't to save the job and be a hero? Move the material.
I'll move one peice up one flight of stairs at a time as I do my other tasks floor to floor I told him. Unless you wan't to give me a hand moving it. No he said. I shouldn't have to do that kind of work.
I fractured my spine in several places that day. Was unable to walk for several weeks. Had to crawel throughout my home. Didn't have health insurance so I mostly bit into a towel until the pain spasms eventually eased off me a bit. It was the most humbling experience in my life going through back pain like that. Not being able to balance on my feet. Waking up with numb arms I couldn't move.
In the last several months I was diagnosed with PTSD from not only SCI (spinal cord injury). But the rest of my journey in this life.
I do the best I can to try and leave the experiences behind.
Not many can understand what it is like.
I did not sign up for the military. I signed up to learn a trade skill.
I still have dreams about one instructor who had a very short fuse. He tried to crack jokes and be a fun guy. But his temper.
We laugh in the face of death and embrace discomfort. That is what we are paid to do he shouted. And sometimes I still have dreams I'm in that classroom. And he is shouting how our generation is too lazy to do the jobs.
To anyone who has read this far. Thank you for taking the time to hear my story. I will also take some time to read someone elses.
Do not give up. It is hard to let go of life events that your mind seems to wander back to. But remember it also makes you stronger than others who had it easy could fathom.
You could be incredibly strong if you just find a way to take control of it again. I like to think I am not just a sufferer, I am a survivor.
I have been so many things in my life. I have helped others along the way too. But my stress triggers of laboring keep coming back so many years later. Maybe because I was electrocuted. Maybe because I spent many nights biting into a towel and trying not to scream. Being told I had to wait for health insurance. Shouting into the phone that I can't walk, help me.
We don't need an more educated workers in the city this guy said to me. We need laborers. So laborgrunt was available. Risked my back so the more expesive workers didn't have too. I worked my way up from nothing.
Be careful how you question others about themselves. Because not everyone is a liar looking to gain position with a story about bullshit. Some of us are real authentic survivors who barely got out with our lives. And that puts something into your personality a bullshitter can't fathom.
An instructor told our class once. This training is not for civilians. It is not the military. It is a way of life that you have to mentally condition yourself for if you want to stand a chance at getting your license. Some day everything is going to be wireless. And you will never have to carry materials like this. Too late for me. I had fractured my spine. And another laborer warned me when I started. Don't let them cripple you kid. Be careful who you risk your back for.
I had battled against forms of PTSD throughout my life. But it wasn't until I was almost 30 that all my hard work and dedication had been thrown upsidown and ruined by a lazy thug who did not seem to care if the job he wanted me to do would kill or cripple me.
If I started from the beginning this would be a very long introduction. But to shorten the story some. I had to overcome other PTSD from street violence growing up. I managed to survive my neighborhood. And I was determined to do something good with my life and for my community.
But sometimes your hard work and skill is a threat to others. I still can not understand this. You can be a skilled, helpful, productive, team worker. And others who are threatened by this will try to set you up and destroy you.
Some are so caught up in this awful lifestyle. That it seems they hope to just die working on the job. Wether it kills you too or not.
I thought I was prepared to face anything after what I survived which was next to a war zone but with kids who had weapons and drugs, not adults.
So I spent my twenties working hard and reaching for a better life. And trying to leave a better impact on the world. I had always been kind and helpful to others. And when the monsters came around, I stood strong.
The first event that truly shook my foundation of strength I rebuilt myself was electrocution at 277v many years ago now. Since that day I had trouble focusing as much as I had been. The licensed guy I was working with was convinced the circuit was not live. I knew from my safety courses to start with the right hand as opposed to your left because of where your heart is. I felt that surge up my right leg up my back and down my right arm as it pulled me towards it. Somehow I fell over instead of into the panel. The other guy shouting at me 'whats wrong? get up he says. It's live I told him. He thought I was lying or something. So he reached in, got shocked too. Swore at it and said we can't get it done. The city wants it done but it cant be done live. It never happened he said. Whatever.
The next event ended my career training. I had to keep my mouth shut about the hazing that sometimes took place. It wasn't often. Some of it seemed like it was just proving yourself. But sometimes you got assigned to someone that saw you as the next victim.
Long story short I was first threatened to perform a two man job. That I had no rights to request a second hand performing it and I should be greatful that I had to do all the lifting for everyone else. I stood up to this man 10 years my senior. And he hated me for it. Although I had OSHA training and other safety courses. 'Our rules are different then the rules' He argued. If you want to work in the city, you have to do it our way. Who do you think you are I asked him? I'm 100 more valuable then you will ever be he said. We don't need any more educated workers in the city he shouted. We need laborers to move material. You wan't to save the job and be a hero? Move the material.
I'll move one peice up one flight of stairs at a time as I do my other tasks floor to floor I told him. Unless you wan't to give me a hand moving it. No he said. I shouldn't have to do that kind of work.
I fractured my spine in several places that day. Was unable to walk for several weeks. Had to crawel throughout my home. Didn't have health insurance so I mostly bit into a towel until the pain spasms eventually eased off me a bit. It was the most humbling experience in my life going through back pain like that. Not being able to balance on my feet. Waking up with numb arms I couldn't move.
In the last several months I was diagnosed with PTSD from not only SCI (spinal cord injury). But the rest of my journey in this life.
I do the best I can to try and leave the experiences behind.
Not many can understand what it is like.
I did not sign up for the military. I signed up to learn a trade skill.
I still have dreams about one instructor who had a very short fuse. He tried to crack jokes and be a fun guy. But his temper.
We laugh in the face of death and embrace discomfort. That is what we are paid to do he shouted. And sometimes I still have dreams I'm in that classroom. And he is shouting how our generation is too lazy to do the jobs.
To anyone who has read this far. Thank you for taking the time to hear my story. I will also take some time to read someone elses.
Do not give up. It is hard to let go of life events that your mind seems to wander back to. But remember it also makes you stronger than others who had it easy could fathom.
You could be incredibly strong if you just find a way to take control of it again. I like to think I am not just a sufferer, I am a survivor.
I have been so many things in my life. I have helped others along the way too. But my stress triggers of laboring keep coming back so many years later. Maybe because I was electrocuted. Maybe because I spent many nights biting into a towel and trying not to scream. Being told I had to wait for health insurance. Shouting into the phone that I can't walk, help me.
We don't need an more educated workers in the city this guy said to me. We need laborers. So laborgrunt was available. Risked my back so the more expesive workers didn't have too. I worked my way up from nothing.
Be careful how you question others about themselves. Because not everyone is a liar looking to gain position with a story about bullshit. Some of us are real authentic survivors who barely got out with our lives. And that puts something into your personality a bullshitter can't fathom.
An instructor told our class once. This training is not for civilians. It is not the military. It is a way of life that you have to mentally condition yourself for if you want to stand a chance at getting your license. Some day everything is going to be wireless. And you will never have to carry materials like this. Too late for me. I had fractured my spine. And another laborer warned me when I started. Don't let them cripple you kid. Be careful who you risk your back for.
