I appreciate your honesty
@Laborgrunt and really like that you are learning from the internet, me too. You find job opportunities, would you explain? And please, what are dna frequencies that help you to repair things? I would like to know more please as I was not asking to just know I was asking so I might possibly learn other methods, ways of as you filling up my days/nights. And yes, I get so sick of cable, yukk, it's like empty calories may try and fill ya' up yet leaves me filling brain-tired with nothing learned and nothing ventured/gained.
It's wonderful that you taught so many stage presence and to learn how to play and that you are (even through your chronic, constant bodily pain) still playing albeit 20 or so minutes, good for you. And ptsd (history) has permanently so it seems altered my life as
@Laborgrunt and I should've died many times as well from car, people, places, and things too. I try not to anymore wonder why I didn't die back there and I too am fighting for rights and am concerned about health insurance and changes acomin' down the road.
You are 100% when saying that nothing lasts forever and I feel somewhat the same regarding once you have nothing to gain, you remember you've got nothing to lose, so I forge ahead and damned the hypervigilance, and damned the sensory overload, and am thankful that I do not have an addictive personality and I know this because of so many poor health choices i.e. meds, relationships, that I've had to either let go of, lay down and not practice or be involved in anymore. Takes strength to admit when I am wrong and try and set about changing things that have prevented me from moving forward in my life. Baby steps and moving ahead and always being truthful now about how am I really feeling, and if not so hot then allowing myself space (like you've been doing
@Laborgrunt) and breathing, just breathe.
Also people, places, and things do not have me either although for a long time I pack-rated crap to make me feel better, never worked
@Laborgrunt and have been dealing with this issue and letting go of so much stuff, things that had (still have more crap to let go of) prevented me from feeling free, and unencumbered in my personal, private life. This crap all around me was (and there's more to let go of) suffocating me and imprisoning me (entombing) as this was my tomb complete with figurines, mosaics, bullcrap, garbage (some a bit expensive not much) that has been hard letting go of stuff to make me "feel" better and it never ever worked (just brief very short periods of a reprieve from feeling all alone in this huge world, and never fixed the root of my problem, me. Now I am looking at myself square in the eyes and with love trying to come to terms with decisions I've made after traumas that forever altered the course of my life.
And now I'm trying hard to not screw up what's left of my life here on earth, and to try and enjoy a salad, and yes, we're having great weather too! You sound so hard on yourself
@Laborgrunt and you are in the solutions i.e. housing wait list, and also where you are living helping with your care partner and her daughter, good for you! I too battle as you with escaping (Emdr helped tremendously) the bike/car crash that has left me with debilitating at times pain throughout my body. Not all you realize I hope am I ever comparing my physical medical issues to yours that said though I am struggling through each day with post crash injuries and severe pain so I understand to some degree about injuries and pain, yes I do.
Am so glad I ran across your post when I was poking through the threads here and ran across your last post to me and again I am so sorry that only now am I able to catch up with you and tell you how much I appreciate your honesty and bravery in facing what you are going through. And I too need respites from the reality of living with p.c. ptsd, crash injuries, and family fallout. I need to just be washed in wonderful meditation music and deep breathing exercises and am taking class tai chi (self-defense). I hurt like hell standing on that d*** wood floor in front of that huge walled mirror, and my mind says sit down what the h*** do you think you're doing, and my sheer will says you can stand up another minute, then another, and so on. It is so hard post crash to do (as you are experiencing first hand as well) all the things I used to love to do e.x. volunteering for 7 yrs. in one of many hospital's e.r.'s and I miss being around people more than I am now. I won't quit trying and thank you for still being here when you can be, and being my battle buddy, for honestly I have come a long way baby, and still have a mighty long way to go! Jade.
