Spiraling down....I Need to Make it Stop!

[NaeNae75]

So, I do have a diary in the supporter side. I'm trying to figure out if I should keto writing in there, even my "sufferer" stuff, or if I should start a second one in the sufferer side or what? It's so hard for me to figure out what or who I am. I'm not in control of me as well, I'm certainly not in control of my relationship or whatever it is...I really need to figure out something so I don't go crazy and lose everything. I don't want to start over!

 

[Freida]

Hmmmmm..... I would think one would be less confusing for you...because it's about YOU. Not a supporter of sufferer. But YOU. Then both sides could weigh in? Kind of like people did in my thinking thread?

 

[NaeNae75]

Hmmmmm..... I would think one would be less confusing for you...because it's about YOU. Not a supporter of sufferer. But YOU. Then both sides could weigh in? Kind of like people did in my thinking thread?

That makes sense. I had actually come to that conclusion too, lol! Great minds! There's a lot of stuff rattling around up there!

 

[Justmehere]

I told him then instead of stuffing that back down, try to process it.

Do you have any take on that? Im stumped. But he has been angry and numbs more too...more isolation as well.

His symptoms spikes indicate that he meds less processing, more containing the work. Putting it away until the next therapy session. That’s different than stuffing it. It’s acknowledging it’s there, and saving it to handle for later, so he can deal with the here and now. The way he is pulling away from people to get distance suggests he needs guidance finding other ways to put the work away and get distance from it. Talk about it all will stir it up more and more. He needs to learn how to be here now more. To ground. Empty his stress cup.

EMDR is notorious for leading to processing after sessions - and big symptom spikes. He needs a huge tool belt of coping strategies. Next time, maybe suggest he find ways to ground when feeling angry. That might work better for now. As long as he sticks it out in therapy, he’ll hopefully keep processing it.

The reality is, he doesn't tell me when something bothers him. He expects me to read his mind. When I don't, I'm the bad guy. If I tell him I want something and he doesn't want to do it, but does anyway without telling me, then holds resentment and blames me. Well, that's just wrong. I can't know what I don't know.

You are doing the right thing. Well done for NOT reading his mind. It’s sooo hard to do when someone is in the habit of wanting others to guess.

I don't know the nature of his relationship with his roommate, but there's nothing I can do about it. That's the biggest barrier in my mind right now.

Barrier to his recovery? Sounds like it won’t change in the near future. :/

It’s really heartbreaking he’s not there for his son more. It’s a good thing other adults are there for him. You can focus on you. It will probably help the whole relationship too.