Spiritual Abuse From Toxic Christianity.

[Deleted member 12723]

Laurie, there is a verse somewhere in the bible where Jesus was talking and he said the days are coming when we will not need anyone to teach us because the Holy Spirit will teach us and I find this to be so true. Just wish I could remember where it was in the New Testament.

I agree with you. I think they hate themselves too.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so grateful to all of you who responded to me. This is the support and validation, I never got. I am so sad how it has impacted so many people and destroyed so many lies. I especially appreciate the dynamics of the group very much.

Your support and sharing your own experiences with me made me feel so much sadness. I am so sorry it happened.

Thank you all for being here for me. I really needed the support and validation. I hate the word Christian. It is a trigger word for me now. It is a real turn off. I know there are some really great believers and some very good churches but I am so done with church.

I get my answers from within. Spiritual Abuse is driving away so many good people. It is devastating to try to heal from the betrayal.

I like the information about the sick dynamics of such churches. Right on target.

There is a commercial on tv promoting a dating site.called Christian Mingle. The words are so creepy. It makes me sick to my stomach how many people get into that site and the possible damage being done in the name of God.

 

[silkleaves]

LoL ChristianMingle... Whenever that commercial comes on I tell kiddo...maybe its time for me to get on there and find myself a good god fearing man, and we crack up. Take note, she is aware of my mother and why I feel the way I do, because she has witnessed my mothers outbursts first hand. Also, every so often through the years, kiddo has done her own searching and shes been to church with friends of different denominations and I encouraged her to explore what is out there...not something I push my personal feelings on.

For some reason, just felt I had to explain that lol that Im not trying to negatively push my beliefs on her in any way. Just that she knows...that me personally and what Ive been through..the last thing I need is to be on ChristianMingle. But then also, whenever we see the commercials for BlackPeopleMeet, I always fuss that they need to come out with BlackPeopleMeetBlonds dot comm. To which she jokes...maybe they do that on ChristianMingle? We can be so twisted.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Silkleaves, so you have seen it too. Yes it is better to keep a sense of humor over these things. Life is too mysterious to take it serious. I think I need to laugh at this kind of stuff. Thanks for the inspiration and reminders to laugh.

 

[Laura 2]

Laurie, there is a verse somewhere in the bible where Jesus was talking and he said the days are coming when we will not need anyone to teach us because the Holy Spirit will teach us and I find this to be so true.

25“All this I have spoken while still with you. 26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

This one possibly, from John's Gospel, Ch 14?

This is often read at funerals because the risen-from-the-dead Jesus is telling the disciples not to be afraid of death and that the Holy Spirit is the great comforter and teacher.

 

[Pencil]

I think they hate themselves too.

And this is where Christianity fails the litmus test. According the Bible, the Holy Spirit will make a person 'new' (in the same way that the right deodorant will make any man handsome and irresistible) - and I have NEVER found this to be the case. Awful people become Christians and they stay the exact same shits they were before.

 

[Laura 2]

Personally, I know quite a few 'christians' whose underlying stench breaks through the spray-on bornagain deodorant.

I think awful people (i.e. sociopaths and psychopaths of whom there are many ) are drawn to any institution that will give them legitimacy and some form of power.

The church is equally a haven for vulnerable, timid people who need some sense of structured 'family' with a Big Dad somewhere up in the sky.

The compounding trouble is that the church/christianity teaches e.g.
- love the sinner, hate the sin
- turn the other cheek
- judge not lest ye be judged
- forgiveness
- jesus sat down with tax collectors and saved prostitutes; etc.

and is too cowardly to call out sociopathic behaviour. The church has never drawn up any protocols for distinguishing between evil/ego-fuelled behaviour and 'honest errors', even though Jesus clearly and sometimes violently showed how, who, why etc. Regardless, all are forgiven.

Yet there IS plenty of Biblical precedence for discriminating and chucking the shits out, e.g.
- by their fruits shall ye know them - false prophets and evil disciples; Matthew 7, v15-23
- shaking the dust from your feet and turning away from Godless people (a sign of deep rebuke in Biblical times); Mark 6.v10ff
- whipping traders and thieves and chasing them out of the temple; John 2 v13-16
and many more.

Personally, it's a massive beef I have with the church/christians. Plainly, Jesus taught right from wrong yet our churches are stuffed full of canting hypocrites who give aid and succour to ego-maniacs, abusers and thieves. /rant off

 

[Pencil]

too cowardly to call out sociopathic behaviour. The church has never drawn up any protocols for distinguishing between evil/ego-fuelled behaviour and 'honest errors', even though Jesus clearly and sometimes violently showed how, who, why etc. Regardless, all are forgiven.

Yes!

The beauty of Christianity (and I do find it beautiful) is that all will be forgiven IF they repent. And when people truly repent there will be a total change. People don't have to be Christians to face themselves and to really, really regret their actions, thoughts, words. But Christianity calls people to do that. And most don't.

I posted the 'joke' about Al Pacino stealing the bike and asking forgiveness. But obviously that's not the way it works. Repenting means returning the bike.

 

[y5L]

Someone who had the best of intentions told my former pastor that I had been abused by someone at the church. She didn't tell me she talked to him, though, so I was really thrown off when the pastor called my dorm room to to talk to me about it.

He told me he had talked to my abuser and that I "misinterpreted" what had happened. That I hadn't been abused. I was already thrown off by being called up out of the blue and made to talk about this, but being told *I* was the wrong one here just floored me. I was paralyzed and speechless. I couldn't say anything. I started doubting myself- maybe he was right! I know better now. I absolutely did not "misinterpret" where his hands were, for one example.

Worse- I was encouraged to interact with that abuser. To let him hug me on Sundays. To pretend nothing awful ever happened. I foolishly stayed at that church until they elected that abuser into a leadership position and I was the only one to vote against him. That was the final straw for me. I wanted nothing to do with a church that not only defends those who abuse children, but lifts them up as examples to be followed.

The good news is I have since found a healthy faith community that has it's head on straight. Where everyone holds themselves accountable for their choices and works through them in deep relationships. Where people sincerely want to grow and be better. They do exist! For me, it just wasn't in a big building with a pulpit and one person in charge. I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable in a place like that again.

 

[Laura 2]

Yes!

The beauty of Christianity (and I do find it beautiful) is that all will be forgiven IF they repent.

How I agree with you...!

The process of forgiveness is two-way: forgiveness must be sought and given. It's through that exchange that both are healed. As ever, it's actions not words that count.

Which is why I find all those forgiveness workshops and exercises a nonsense at best. If the one who needs forgiveness isn't there in the room and asking then it's rather an empty piece of magical thinking to 'practice' forgiveness. (If they're dead then you have to leave God to sort them. If God's not in your picture then I guess you have to work on acceptance.)

(And, forgive me if I'm beginning to sound Rarrrghh! in my posts, this church abuse horror is really pressing my buttons, as an intermittent churchgoer with a strong faith I see it in every church I've ever been involved with. )

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you everyone for weighing in and I am so sad about what happened to you. Spiritual Abuse is rampant and my abusers who I have totally cut off from my life are still going their headstrong religious ways full steam ahead.

I agree that the Creator wants us to get healing and recovery, and wants us to get better and not worry about forgiveness for the steamrollers who abuse their power and positions of power over the hurting and broken and protect the perpertratiors and blame the true victim.

I could go on and on about the wrongs I saw and experienced.

My dad was an atheist and my mom was a Catholic who did not go to church. Although she did not really lover or want me she told me some very toxic things as well as her mom. It was all hocus pocus and superstition. They let us choose for ourselves.

I am healing and mabe I will be able to let go one day, but I refuse to go back to the ones who betrayed me in church.

I have learned so much from all of you. Thanks for writing out your beliefs now and your journeys and what you have learned.

I feel very validated and supported and appreciate you all so very much. I grieve with you and I know that healing and recovery can still grow out of these deep wounds inflicted by a toxic church family.

I read somewhere that the dynamics of Spiritual Abuse are the same of incest and incredibly difficult to heal from

Hugs of gratitude to every one who shared here.

I feel so much better. I have more common sense now and my own faith which I kept though I am through with churches forever. I will never ever expose myself like that again.

 

[Laura 2]

@gizmo :hug: