Spontaneous Trauma Release: Causes And Effects

[Dana1010]

About a week ago, I had sort of day of reckoning with my childhood trauma. It was a different kind of hell than the one I'm used to. It wasn't just thinking about it; it's like it was descending on me from outside myself, and there wasn't any way I could evade it. I basically felt like I was dying, and I would need to immediately get a prescription for Valium, Xanax, anti-psychotics, whatever combination of drugs it would take to get keep me living, because I honestly felt like I could not go on that way.

I slept it off, and -- without being too decided about it -- I have felt somewhat cleansed since the day after. Not like I'm a new person or anything, just like a certain trigger is somewhat less severe now.

I started thinking about what happened and what may have led up to it. For the week prior, I had been having thoughts of a sibling break out of nowhere. I had always harbored guilt over not being there to support him (I'm estranged from the whole family) but this was different. I started to formulate a plan for getting back in touch, though I don't know if I'll ever be able to carry it out.

This feeling of love actually felt new and strange to me. And it contrasted with the constant terror of not being good enough that defines attachment disorder. It was like I was suddenly free. I didn't need to be good enough for anybody anymore, because I had love. It didn't matter how imperfect he was or how he might embarrass me in front of other people or how associating with him might make me not good enough for them.

I don't know if anyone can relate to this. (The bit about my sibling probably comes off as especially rambling.) I'm wondering if anyone has experienced spontaneous trauma release -- the type of breakthrough you hope to achieve through therapy -- from incidental catalysts in everyday life or no catalyst at all. Have you been able to identify anything that reliably caused such releases to take place?

 

[Lifetraveller]

Hey Dana,

Sometimes I find for me that release comes like the calm after a storm, or as though my brain chemistry got shook up in a good way.

Sometimes it happens after a good sleep where I have had a beautiful dream, usually about strong attraction, love, or how things might have been better, or even good. Sometimes it's watching an inspiring movie, or reading an inspiring book, having a little conversation with someone who seems to need to talk (e.g. my dry cleaner) or having a good cry or even a good laugh.

The part about your sibling in fact does not sound at all like rambling to me. I think I have very similar experiences regarding my own siblings.

I think it comes from a place of health and resilience.

I don't think there's anything that's one hundred percent reliable in causing release to take place, but one action I find works very often is talking openly to someone who at least very much seems to love me and whom I very much seem to love. For me this is usually a platonic friend. I find that friends cannot always do this for me so I go back to therapy.

I don't think tarot cards predict or even define much, but a friend once did a reading for me and one of my cards was a healthy tree that was healthy because it had healthy roots. So no matter how it looked above ground, it was always surviving and at times thriving because of its healthy roots.

Perhaps you somehow have 'healthy roots' and therefore have at least some idea of what love is.

I wish this for all of us.

 

[trying2movefwd]

Hmm Im not sure that I can say I have experienced anything like that. I am still pretty new to recovery, but inbetween therapy sessions I have had "aha" moments where things seem to connect, although it w was not during therapy time I have often thought it was due to the Therapy that I have had these "aha" moments, like it took me several days to actually process it post therapy session and it could be processed at very random, and what may seem like "unlikely " times for that to happen.

 

[Changing4Best]

I had mine when I was in the mid-30s (I'm in my mid-60s now). The original discovery of my trauma was in therapy, but I could not afford therapy any longer, so the memories started to flood in on me. It went on for maybe 2 years. I was not hospitalized, I was not taking any meds, I had not been diagnosed to my knowledge either, but those memories would just come on me whenever. I had no control over them, though in a way I was curious about them, so I did not try to fight them or anything. They just came to me.

Later on, when I joined this Forum a few years ago now, I started to write a Trauma Diary. I collected them all from my memory and put them down online here. It was such a freeing experience. Once I was done writing them all out, and I could not recall any more incidents, it was such a great feeling. My diary is closed to more entries now. I have not felt the need to write in it for years.