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Started At The Wrong Place

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Tom S. in Tn.

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I must have been so elated seeing everyone's similarity to me while reading all the posts elsewhere, I must have overlooked this forum to make an introduction. Sorry, I will tell a little about me here, but please read my frustrations with the health care system in general, and the abuse I have endured from the mental health system in particular at the Chat forum.

I am a 52 y/o male and live in middle Tennessee. I was molested as a child and some of my first recollections are of what is described as sexual molestation by a female. I have never been able to function in public and experience anxiety frequently. I could not cope well in school and wanted to drop out of high school in 1973. I was sent to a county operated mental health center and was given to an ex-hippie social worker who used a text called 'The Joy Of Sex' and suggested I needed surrogacy to overcome fear around females after I refused all her advances. I was taken by my illegitimate father, who was also a social worker, and publicly raped by a prostitute at a downtown massage parlor at the age of 17. I attempted suicide.

I did receive my BS 10 years later in 1983 and obtained my license as a Registered Nurse in 1990, and practiced until I was hospitalized with lower spine problems in 1997 and again in 1998. (more than likely manifested through earlier trauma)

I was sent to see a social worker after being committed to the psychiatric ward during my second spine surgery, and I never gave any reference to past issues, and dealt strictly with whatever the issue of the present day happened to be. After a year of weekly counseling, she one day declared I was a victim of sexual molestation when I was young, and sent me to the rape crisis/sexual assault center serving our region.

I'll stop the story there, because my life has become a spiraling odyssey of approximately a dozen or more abusive mental health providers doing everything from jumping up mid session without provocation or warning, and begin shouting for me to leave, to another PhD have a female client actually roll a magazine and begin shouting in my ear. In the first case there could be no recourse because the facility was the publicly funded rape and sexual assault center and the individual counselor did not posses a license of any sort, but in the second, I had the privilege of lodging a complaint with the board of registry, even though her mentor sat on the disciplinary board and my complaint was never heard.

I have seen approximately 30 or more mental health providers through out the years since my first encounter, at all levels of training an expertise, from unlicensed burnt out hippies to psychiatric MD's. I have never been arrested or ever had problem with drugs or alcohol.
I made the decision to stay at home 11 years ago as a result of private and individual counseling. Society simply is not worth it.
After reading through similar overwhelming trials and tribulations elsewhere on the site, I have become overjoyed with relief by just knowing I am not the only person considered by the outside world as being terminal with PTSD.
I look forward so much for the opportunity to exchange more with each of you and would enjoy the chance to know everyone better. I wish desperately I could find a therapy group with you folks in it.
Thank you for being here; Tom S. in Tn.
 
Welcome Tom S in Tn. :hello:

I think that you will find this forum and the information and people on it tremendously helpful and understanding.

I like your "terminal with ptsd" quote. I think you will find the opposite here and much more hope.

Peace and healing to you!
 
Tom you have found a therapy group with all of us in it, here.

Welcome, I read other posts and then this one, I am sorry for all you have experienced, please know you are not alone. I have also had many problem with health care providers and the mental health system. But please know this pTSD we have in common can be managed and can be worked through. This has been my therapy, and it can be done through the forum here, it can be worked through.

Please read as much as you can and learn from everything that has been written up to and including now. So much has been experienced and many have left examples of how thay have been able to work through some things. We all go at different paces and we are all at different points, please understand that it will not be easy but that with hard work it can be done. You maybe will begin to see that you can live a life less controlled by PTSD and more goverened by you.

Welcome Tom

~fin

oh and read everythng as though it has been written for you, because in some ways it has, ok. Everything that others have put out there that you can relate to, well look at the advice as though the question was yours and utilse everything you possibly can, into you healing program. Everything that you think can help you and can know and understand as positively working for you, take it on board.

I hope this helps, welcome Tom. Sorry to meet you under these circumstances but glad to get to know you.
 
Thank you all, but I am still searching for other people I can actually see and engage facial expression and eye contact with as in a therapy group.
One day here and I already rec'd an infraction message for improperly capitalizing the title (?)
With only textual cues, I don't know how to take it.
Tom S. in Tn.
 
Hello Tom
Don't worry about the infraction, we all make mistakes and it just proves we are all human on here . I got one on my second post, my own fault for not clicking on the right section, my head was all over the place over the place so now i just take more care with everything.

Read lots, ask lots and learn lots.

Amethist
 
I don't know how to take it.
Tom S. in Tn.
Try not to take it too badly, I know it can be a shock, I receieved one when I first arrived and I wondered what had happened, but it was and is all cool. I was nervous and posted quick and hadn't realised that I had not written the title correctly. While an infraction might seem harsh it is just the way it can maybe be seen when we are feeling vulnerable. It is in no way an attack on you or anyone else that has received one.

If you read as much as you can here, more will become clear about how things are meant here..ok? I know it is difficult coming to a new place and wondering who you are talking to, but I really have to tell you that I hope you will find it will be alright here. Read and learn there will be so much you can find here; that will help you in your move toward managing and healing some from what has happened to you to bring you to this place.

I hope in some way this can and will reassure you. Only you know how you are feeling about things, and only you can make the decision to stay. I do not regret putting myself into this arena for one minute; and I have some "internet-no-face-wondering-what-?-" hang-ups myself. This is one of the best decisions of my life, but only you can make this for yourself.

Just as in your healing this experience can be whatever and however you want to make it. Honesty will get you far and looking into yourself with that same honesty is in my opinion what is required in helping you and all of us move forward. It is hard work and one of the first steps we have to take here is in trust, and you only you can decided if oyu are ready to try. It might fail, but you may and will never know if you have not tried.

I really hope this has helped some to set your mind at ease, there is nothing more really that I or anyone else I believe can say to help you with this decision. But you did do a very brave thing in joining and trying here...I hope you feel safe enough to carry on

take care

~fin

And if you find the therapy group you are looking for and it works well; then that is great also...you may still find that this forum will help support you in your recovery alongside outside therapy. Again though this is something only you can know and discover for yourself. I hope it works out for you, whatever you decide.
 
While I can not identify with the problems and issues you have had with the mental health community, I can with your choice to stay home.

I gradually developed agrophobia to the point of being unable to work and have been mostly housebound since 1997. The world is just to much for me to handle and not being a part of it is not so bad.

Welcome to our little forum. Hope this place can help you connect as much as it has helped me. If you ever feel the need to talk, once you get out of moderation I would love to hear from you via pm.
 
Thanx To All

Thanks to all who replied. I am at the end of my therapeutic rope. I can not understand why I am singled out and attacked by the people I have been exposed to in the mental health industry. I can not for the life of me understand. Being of different gender does not help, but having been raped as a result of one of them is probably too much for their image to cope with.
I have yet to meet one who could treat me as just a client and not express very negative personal emotion. I'm tired of being their whipping boy.
I can not understand why I can not be allowed to attend a therapy group where there are other real live people with similar issues.
It has recently dawned on me that sexual molestation is not a diagnosis and specialty treatment is another money making ploy used within the industry. Despite the fact the last counselor could not cope with me and cost me 3 months and 10 paid sessions, she did however finally make an accurate diagnosis of ComplexPTSD and made me realize the 11 year odyssey of searching for treatment specific to rape and sexual molestation was a complete waste. Wonder why I was sent to a female run rape / sa center and why could'nt at least one of them inform me that I suffered PTSD and not sexual abuse, anywhere along the way ?? Too easy to describe me as having a personality d/o I suppose.

Grame Herc, I can not wait until the first opportunity to communicate with you on an individual level.........I have many questions that only folk like you can undrstand. I'm with you......it's not at all bad to be as far out of todays society as possible. Please, keep me on your pm list.
Thanks all; Tom S. in Tn.
 
Tom you suffered sexual abuse...you have PTSD ok...there is a difference.

PLease know you are not alone ok, there are many here that can relate to what oyu have written here, and they are both male and female ok ...so you are not alone ok.

PLease read as much as you can you may find it of some comfort to read and know and really understand that there are others here that know and understand your pain. We will all help if we can.

Please know you are not alone Tom...keep writing we are here with yo and will help if we can

~fin
 
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