Started College Symptoms Are Back

[adrian_newbridge]

I thought this was going to be a success story, now I'm not so sure. I started college three weeks ago, doing a computer maintenance course, it's three days a week so not too much to get used to. However, the first day I came home shattered and went to bed early, I woke up in the middle of the night seeing things and hearing things in my head. A voice was telling me to go and kill the man who caused my first trauma when I was seven. I managed to stay safe but got more angry than scared. My flashbacks have been very vivid these last couple of weeks and I'm very tearful.
Has anyone else had problems like these when going back to college (I'm 54 and haven't been in education for 28 years) I'm doing this as a way to get back into work next year but I'm not sure my mind can take it. I'm all over the place and started taking meds again, I've been off them for months. What do I do, do I try and carry on? I just want to be normal and get my life going again. I just can't face life if this is what it does to me when I try and heal that little bit more.
Need some help here guys.:wall:

 

[kers]

Being in school can bring with it lots of pressure--to seem okay in class, to keep a lid on symptoms so that you can get your work done, to maintain a normal schedule so all the work gets done, and then the desire to be successful/perfect.

With all this increased pressure, I'm wondering what you can do to counter it. How can you be taking extra care of yourself so that you can manage all these stresses?

& note, just because you're having a hard time a few weeks in doesn't mean this isn't a success story. Success means persisting in the face of challenges, not escaping them altogether.

 

[Dylan]

Hi Adrian,

Whenever I take on a novel challenge (something new and stressful to me), I have a resurgence of symptoms. It's almost a direct correlation: the more stress, the higher my symptoms go...at first, and for awhile.

I recently was asked to take on team lead responsibilities in my position at work (for the next year). I've had increased anxiety, depression, startle response, hypervigilance, and despair-wiring has come back with a vengeance. I, too, have gone back on meds.

I echo what Kers said: more support and extra care is required during these times (e.g. not only have I gone back on meds for the time being, but returned to counseling, as well).

I tend to get discouraged because I feel anxious/stressed out and am more symptomatic. I take that as a sign of failure; since "normal" people don't have such a huge stress response, I'm a freak and a failure because I do. I need to remind myself that, since my PTSD is a NORMAL response to ABnormal conditions, then MY response to stress is "normal".

For me, the discouragement is also because it seems never-ending AND overwhelming. Marshaling a lot of extra support helps with overwhelm and I need to remember that this stress-response WILL pass. And the more support I get, the quicker it will pass.

I tend to, instinctively, want to hunker down under stress and try to just....endure it. By your post (reaching out), it doesn't sound like you've fallen into that trap, so congratulations on reaching immediately for more support! I, too, need extra rest, quiet, less stimulus to counteract the extra stress from a new situation.

Kers- thanks so much for your post: "Success means persisting in the face of challenges...." I really needed to be reminded of this today.

-Dylan

 

[dust]

Hi Adrian,

I just wanted to echo some of the points Dylan and Kers make - I get stressed/symptomatic when I have to do things outside of my regular working life. On the other side of your experience, I recently had to chair an examination. I have never done this before and I spent most of my time before and after the exam managing symptoms. I felt terrible. But I got through it and the symptoms subsided. At the moment I am really pushing forward, so there are lots of occasions and opportunities for the symptoms to come back. I'm not sure what level they come back at and how they compare to other people, but somehow, I just keep ploughing through.

I hope things are getting better ...

dust

 

[adrian_newbridge]

Thanks guys, thats just what I needed to hear, I will keep pushing through to the best of my ability. Got to tell myself that if I can stick these last three weeks then I can stick the next three weeks and take it that each day I attend college is a mini success story in itself. See, you lot have got me thinking more positive already.
THANK YOU and take care.