Started Counseling Again

[Deleted member 541]

Momma,

I knew that you were going to come back with exactly what you did. Isn't that what most parents do. We defend our kids, and at the same time we enable them??????

I agree, she needs to move out, into the big bad world all on her own, and do some growing. Give her a time frame...Possibly 6 months, to find a place and make it happen. It's time....

 

[Sasha]

Hi MommaKitty, I am late in reading your post, but wanted to see how you were doing. Sometimes the everyday things in life seem like mountains. I've been feeling like that for months too. My house was getting too messy, I paid $400 (outside of insurance) for eye glasses in February and never picked out a new pair (it was an exchange). All these things add up and finally I took time off of work. Yet the lack of motivation from being so fried inside and out makes me realize, Life is not the way it used to be.

Getting sick was bad timing, but your body needs some rest for sure. Please don't let that worry you even more - meaning even more time is passing by. I had a sponsor once who used to constantly remind me to stay in the present when I felt like I was loosing it. I wish I could find her, but that was many years ago. SOmetimes I need her to help me find the 'present' again.

We take on the world don't we. I know I always need to feel in control of everything. Maybe I don't trust anyone getting it right - or it's just to tiring to explain the way it needs to be done. I realized this week, I need to release somethings. Not permenantly, that's not possible, just delegate temporarily. And say no. I'm the research queen and when my brother called me yesterday to ask me if I check something for him, I said no, I cant do it. Even took me by surprise, But, I can't. I'm tired and I know you are very tired too.

Sometimes I think we need to pick our priorities. What is really important and start there. Like dinner - it has to be done - but, maybe keep it simple - really simple on those hard days. You'll feel more creative soon.

I don't know MommaKitty, I'm struggling with this too. All I can say is I'm by yourside with this everyday stress. I can say though - Xanax helps quite a bit on those hard days, lol.

I'll be praying for you MommaKitty. You are in my prayers. We maybe in a hard place, but hold on to those pockets of peace and a little laugh when you get them. Hugs to you, Sasha

 

[Sasha]

One more thing - about messy procrastinators - my H is one too. It has definitely contributed a lot to the stress level. I feel a bit oppressed when the house is cluttered. Just curious - How would they respond if you gave them a list of things to do?

 

[Momma Kitty]

Lists get laid somewhere and forgotten. Done that. It does help me though, lol.

My daughter is on a waiting list for housing. They told her two weeks back in October. She has look every where. She applied for everything possible. My husband and I set up in the back of his shop. We have a bed, dresser, tv, mini-frig, microwave and the laptop. It is a nice cozy private place just for us.

I let my daughter worry about herself and the babies. She cooks for my husband on the days I work nights. She prefers it that way. He and I only go inside for the water and plumbing. Thought he would run water out here this past summer, but it never happenned.

My Dad also kicked me out after I graduated. I was forced to pay rent until I moved out. I married when I was 24, widowed by 26 with a brand new baby, but I had a house paid off by insurance and a job.

My daughter jumped a bus and ran after her ex raped her in 2007. It took over a year to get him to relinquish her things and the babies things. She moved from our previous home, to college dorm, to married, back to my home here. He and I were only married a year when she moved in with a 9 month toddler, and found out she was pregnant. Saturday, the second grandchild turned two years old. The first year of her living with us was fighting her ex in court and protecting her from him. She was scared to be alone and would jump in terror if you touched her while she slept. The second year, she began working. She still cannot find a job offering more than a few days a week. Her state welfare assistance and child support help with her part time job. At one time, my husband and I were going to let her take over the house payments and find ourselves a new place. (This house belonged to him and his ex.) But that is not possible. Besides, she cannot afford it, nor keep up the 5 acres. Hopefully, she will find a place soon.