General Starting At Day 1 After 18 Years Of Sobriety

[Always have Hope!]

I think I hit bottom last night, I haven't drank alcohol in over 18 years, I broke my sobriety, I bought 6 pack on a whim, I was hurting so bad. That lead to more, bad thing I was buzzed all to hell on just the first one, but I wanted to numb it away. My kids never seen me drank, or drunk, luckily I made myself a happy state of course I called my ex, to be supportive, it didn't take her 5 minutes to realize I had a few. I guess my slurred speech didn't help. I think she was in a shock like a few others around me were. I must have sung ballads of love songs, when does a fool who suppose to be a supporter for the one you love not lose their own sanity dealing with resurfacing traumas over the sudden break up.

The woman who at the moment is going through life changing events is feeling the additional stresses brought on by the man who should be stronger and a more accepting supporter. I know I am a stronger person than this, I have to reprogram my mentality, refocus the current events, to put closure on the sudden break up. To remind myself that it wasn't about me but about events she is dealing with. Drilling for the answer of "why" from someone who's mind is hypersensitive and who has great intentions to work the steps to recovery, yet still trying to do so while isolating herself again, pushing away friends and her boyfriend isn't to me a strong ideology for her achievement s of her goals.

Don't get me wrong l realize today I have to pull my own-self out of the chasm, before I can be a more productive and caring supporter. She is a intelligent strong independent woman, even so, PTSD and its symptoms can bring down anyone if not treated correctly. I have to see this as a different type of relationship now. To find that common ground which I can be a positive addition instead as a negative spur sticking into her already wounds. I hope I haven't already stigmatized her psychic as a person who be negative in her world. I hope in time with the right methods I can still be on her team, as a trusted friend or if God so chose, her companion.

 

[radicalgratitude]

Have you read There's a Hole in my Sidewalk?

Instead of viewing yourself as a failure, why not look at it as an opportunity for further healing? Maybe this is a sign that it's a good time to see a therapist.

A slip-up doesn't sabotage 18 years of sobriety. In my opinion, you are still on year 18. But that's coming from an eating disorder perspective. We slip up all the time in our recovery simply because you can't avoid food. I was celebrating 3 years without eating disorder behaviors when I found myself leaning over a toilet seat. Hang in there!

 

[Barconian]

After 18 years and no alcohol... Good going @Dr. Dreadloc . You must be under some pressure for you to want to have a hang over this morning :(

Could you start helping you and leave out helping others for awhile? The hang over path might bite you on the ass.