Still Feel Sad/angry After Death Of Dog

[The Albatross]

The "what if" game is a habitual thinking pattern. People can and do get stuck in grief. Maybe read up on grief and bereavement?

 

[framebyframe]

^ That's true. I guess it's also worsened by my OCD.

I guess therapy and CBT will be able to help fix that. Like, I know that my thinking pattern now is unproductive and pointless, but it's really hard to change it.

 

[The Albatross]

Hard is not impossible friend. It is doable. Honest.

 

[framebyframe]

Thanks for your encouragement. :)

 

[SeanCharles]

Yep! Those five stages can seem overwhelming... They can jumble sometimes like a ball of jelly... It is work, it's doable work! nobody else can do the work for you.

 

[ms spock]

Wow! Some great replies. @Ms Spock you hit the nail on the head...

It is only logical. * winks cheekily *

I know for me I had a lot of unrealistic guilt issues I have overcome before finding this forum. I do remember the bargaining stage. You are also right.. with the what ifs, you can also throw in shoulda coulda wouldas too!

Those shoulda coulda wouldas are not so helpful. I am still stuck in a rumination, distorted PTSD, and magical thinking place. I am working to overcome these, in very small ways. I in no way recommend them for anyone else. You are on top of these distorted thoughts so that is good.

It's refreshing when you're reminded even if you're removed from the cycle of grief when you can still identify with someone like framebyframe is and I could recognize the guilt stage... Going over or around them leads you to trouble... it's like this: if theirs a door you either open it or you walk through the open doorway, otherwise you remain where you were.

Yes I have spent a lot of time trying to open locked doors, or sat looking at the door or not even noticing that the door is there. So from my point of view you are doing really well.

 

[Recker]

I have only posted twice before. I want to tell you that I've struggled with ptsd for almost 30 years. I'm also a dog rescuer.

About 7 years ago, and I can't believe it has been that long, a wonderful pup crossed my path. At the time I had no idea what she would come to mean to me. Then I owned a gallery, ptsd was crippling me, couldn't go to the bank, customers walked in and the adrenaline rush, everything disconnected. I started taking my pup, Pie, to my shop and it changed everything.

When someone walked in she would wag and wag like she was greeting a friend, she would walk to the bank with me off leash, everywhere with me off leash. She was the light in my darkness. She had just turned three when I lost her suddenly to pancreatitis, I did everything I could, spent lots of money but it was over a weekend and Monday morning came just to late. They tried to to save her but couldn't, she died in front of me. I walked out of the vet's office with an empty collar and I didn't know what I was going to do. The bottom dropped out.

I had made a commitment to transport a dog to a forever home the next day, I didn't know how I was going to do it. But I said this is for Pie, and I did. I cried the whole way. Went to my shop for the next 3 months alone, felt like I was walking into a mosaleum. I prayed, I cried. I prayed that when the right little dog came along I would find her and be able to open my heart to her.

Three months later I found a pup on petfinder..... she was in Texas, I'm in Indiana, she brought me to my knees, she was the one. I didn't have the money for gas to drive yet a customer brought me $400 for gas and a hotel room. I left that night, got to Texas and found out she didn't want anything to do with anyone. I was crushed, she was just like me. They had to corner her to even pick her up, but I said this is the one. I tried to take her on a leash and she would lay down so scared at only 3 months old. I scooped her up and told her that together we would take big girl hikes, eat ice cream and I would love her forever.

Over the last 4 years I poured my heart into that girl and she has come such a long way. When I didn't think I had anything left I found enough for her. It's paid off, she'll never be the dog I had but she is what she can be and I had a part in that, because we understand eachother. She is my light. So I would tell you to not close your heart.

I've since lost everything but my dog, but my dog is enough. The right one will come along and will likely be as screwed up as you, and I say that lovingly, as I'm screwed up too. You're dog would not want to leave a legacy of closing your heart, you loved your baby, and your baby would say love another as you loved me. The right dog will come along and when it does gather it into your arms and heart. Peace to you my friend I know the hurt.