Sexual Assault Still have some hangups it seems

[Hooper]

Richard,
I just sent you a message with some options on conversing. I'm not surprised you've won awards. I do think you have a misperception of "crush everyone under a mountain of letters". I'm open to a 2 way exchange but I think you should not restrain your gift of writing. It sounds like a contradiction but you have the ability to write at length in a concise matter with a critical mind to back it up on a subject that needs to be out there. I'd love to talk but if you want to change the world which you did mine you should keep writing. If people don't want to read so be it. Insight, eloquence and an incredibly important subject matter will reach far more people in written form. I still want to talk though. Again at your leisure and on your terms. I'd truly enjoy the hell out of it.
hooper

 

[Deleted member 35429]

I just wanted to add how terrible your abuse was and how sorry I am. It's hard for me to imagine that many people would not see this as abuse. Woman on male abuse is just as severe. God, in some ways worse because we expect women to be more nurturing.

I am curious what region of the world you live in where so many people would be so ignorant as to deny the legitimacy of your trauma. Was this 50 yrs ago? Or in a developing country? I'm in a metropolitan area and I assure you no one would question the validity of your trauma.

 

[somerandomguy]

I'm in a metropolitan area and I assure you no one would question the validity of your trauma.

I think you would be quite surprised by how many people would question the validity of female-on-male sexual abuse.

 

[Nikki Carter]

I think you would be quite surprised by how many people would question the validity of female-on-m...

I agree. I think that overall people underestimate female abusers. Women aren't seen as threats so when someone says that they have been assaulted or abused by a woman, it is seen as less severe. When you hear about a female teacher (not professor) having sex with a student people just think it's sex, when it's rape. When you hear about a male teacher having sex with a student, that is when people immediately say it's rape because men are seen as something to fear; men are seen as a real threat.

 

[many forms of rape]

Ok, speaking to people and reading up a bit on sexual violence (yay, my favourite pastime :( )
I have come to realise that there are many people who don't understand sexual violence at all.

As was quite rightly pointed out on this thread, many people even in cosmopolitan areas have strange misconceptions. For many out there, "rape" is a very narrow definition which is always and only a man physically assaulting a woman, beating her 1/2 to death and then having very violent penetrative vaginal or anal sex with her. I have spoken to women who have experienced this "caveman rape" and yes, as you can imagine it was highly traumatic - my one friend ended up in hospital fighting for her life only to be told that she was now HIV+ (the way she decided to live her life afterwards is a major inspiration to me).

But in reality, this is one form of rape and the distinction between rape and sexual assault and then between sexual assault and sexual coercion can be a little more difficult to pin down.
This doesn't mean that because someone (who has probably never experienced any form of sexual violence!) doesn't define what happened to you as "rape" that it is any less traumatic or that you are not entitled to feel traumatised.
I could choose to see the experience I had with my dodgy friend who came over as a from of sexual violence, I just don't have the energy to do so right now.
And I'm not traumatised by it, just disinclined to invite my friend over again.

As for what happened in my childhood: no there are many who refuse to accept that this is "real" - I feel sympathy and frustration when I have to deal with women who have been harassed by men and now hate all men because of it, you know the story.
People say things to the effect of "you don't know what I go through every day" - and no, I don't nor do I for one second claim that my experiences were more "real" or more "severe" than having men be real bastards to you all the time, moreover I know that there are many who have been hurt in one way or another and who are traumatised by behaviour others would simply find very irritating, but they deny what has happened to them and so they just seem "crazy", you know like "hysterical" or something - sometimes our society makes me "hysterical", but yes, it can be annoying when people tell you that you don't know anything and don't understand anything because you are a man (and by extension either a rapist or someone who supports rapists)

 

[Kintsugi]

I just want to write a big thank you letter to the men participating in this thread. And hugs. I want to give you all a big Simon hug. Thanks for being allies.