Stood Up To My Mom . . .

[nie]

I couldn't get up the nerve to call her, but I did email her. Here is what I sent . . .

Mom and Dad,

Many times in my life I worry that I am not doing things well enough for you. I want you to not only be proud, but happy with me also. Sometimes, this leads to a great internal struggle about certain choices that I make. I often overanalyze and stress myself out about it. I am sorry that I am saying this in writing, but to be truthful I was afraid of upsetting you, and am too afraid to call. Tony and I had made plans to go to the resort for the week of Thanksgiving, and then invited you to come. I understand why you cannot come until Friday, and thank you for the invitation to your house on Thursday. However, I do think that after analyzing all of the options, pros and cons, and trying to think of all involved, I would like to keep my plans with going to the resort. I am happy that you will be joining us then on Friday. Due to the school shows and the show that I am in right now, I have not gotten to spend a lot of time with Tony. I am looking forward to our Thanksgiving mini-vacation and spending some time together. I hope that you will not take this as though I do not want to be with you. I just think that I need to make the best choice for me, and that is to keep my original plans. I hope you are not upset. I will be in rehearsal tonight until probably 11, but you can call me tomorrow afternoon if you are available, or hopefully I will still see you on Sunday. I love you very much.

I hope that it is received well. I haven't heard from her yet . . .

 

[Marlene]

Nie,

Good for you. It is hard to stand up for ourselves...especially to our parents. Even as adults we want their approval. But doing something that's best for you and your husband is a really great thing.

I hope that they're understanding and that y'all have a great holiday.

Lisa

 

[anthony]

Good for you Nie... well done.

 

[becvan]

I agree too, very well done. It was very diplomatic, you explained yourself well and considered others feelings! A very assertive and healthy approach!

bec

 

[nie]

well, she didn't think so. She canceled coming to see the play and canceled our Thanksgiving plans. Unfortunately, I get to say "I told you so" to myself. . .

 

[Nicolette]

I am sad to hear you had a negative response from your mum Nie but it was still important that you stood up for what you wanted to do. I say well done for trying.

 

[jkd]

I think what you said was just right. You explained what you were doing and why in a gentle but firm way. I'm sorry your mom doesn't see that as a positive. Some relatives can be like that. It's really hard for some people around us to accept our "new" selves sometimes. Be patient and hang in there!

jkd

 

[nie]

Thank you jkd

 

[anthony]

Nie, Nic has her own problems with her mother; without divulging her own personal circumstances, Nic is at a level superior to her mother, her mother wants to continually drag her down to her level, so she feels in control of the mother daughter relationship. Standing up for yourself and being honest with yourself are good traits. If your above a level of immaturity, that is a positive, never allow yourself to be brought down to a lower level when you have fought so hard to rise above in the first place.

 

[Nicolette]

What Anthony said is so true Nie. I have struggled for years against the fight of being pulled down every time I improved myself and my life. I have had to make the choice that, even though I love my mum and desperately wish she would understand me, I must walk my path as it makes me happy and I am a better person for it. I had to set myself free and the cost was a relationship with my mum (as in not having the one I wanted) however I don't have all the struggles anymore which used filled my head with knowing what was right but trying to act how my mother wanted me to. My family is somewhat toxic in their thinking and I still love them all but I have to make myself happy first by being true to what I believe in.

Stay strong and do what is best for you as that is what you have to live with.

 

[nie]

Thank you Anthony and Nicolette. I am trying my best to remain strong. I think that I have made a big step in the right direction. I thank you both for your words and encouragement.