Stress- Just Venting

[Tim &Bailey]

The confusion created when the mind over rides the body's basic human need to choke the ever living shit out of some asshole who is in dire need of a good choking!!!!

I hate this whole MEB process Who the hell makes 5 appointments on the same day. Not for nothing if I grab the new (yes another shrinky dink) Doc by his collar and pull em over the table and commence beating his ass will they get the hint then?

I only want 3 more things from my Uncle Sam-

1- I want my retirement =after 21+ years and every war/major conflict since Jan 1991 think I've earned at least that

2- I want my flag- You didnt have to drape it over my gun metal grey box and give it to my wife and next of kin so I would like to have that - Please refer to comment from #1

3- I want to be left alone- By the commanders/by the command and by the Military- I just want to live out my life in peace -Nuff said

Tim & Bailey

 

[tho9900]

the flag comment is valid I think... at least they could give you something to say thank you for doing what we told you to do even tho it was what put you here..

as far as the MEB that's how I felt a few months ago with the VA... that's why when I went off and ended up in a good MH program I was surprised they pushed so hard for me to apply for disability for PTSD... they felt me getting paid for the lost sick days I had earned for these appointments would keep me coming to appts... wow...

and ya... as far as the rest of them they can suck it... the military, the US Gov't who lied to us.. (another rant not gonna hijack your thread) the people who pretend they are "patriots
and care etc... I just wanna sit on my balcony and chill... I have probably 2 people I let into my inner world right now... that's enough...

 

[Jimmy1]

Your right, who the f*ck respects us the ones with either physical or mental injuries. They talk about it, but what gets done???

 

[tho9900]

Jimmy.... (and omg I am such a loser but this has tears in my eyes....)

WE respect each other... the brothers in arms who have went where we were... Like I said in my intro.. I haven't been face to face... I had the fog of war around me... heard the sounds... and omg omg omg saw the result of it... but we know each other... and the long nights... the oh so long nights... f*ck the rest...

The vet organizations do care... but so many don't know or don't care to join them... together if we banded together we could make a difference... let our faces be known... that' a msg I am trying to get out...

 

[Jimmy1]

I am talking more about the government mate, and the everyday Joe in the street. They all talk the talk but totally forget.

You know, even my wife to be who I love very dearly forgets sometimes. Only because I will have a good streak of a few weeks. We actually both forget, then when the beast rears its ugly head we both have to adjust again.
Apart from my mother and of course my son and future wife, nobody else really gives two hoots, you guys on the forum are excluded too.

Its just so f*cking hard sometimes.

The government all talk about the poor boys and girls returning, and some of them are just poor boys and girls. They are returning with missing limbs, horrible injuries, and of course the invisible injuries, but that f*cking means nothing unless its going to get them votes in the next election. I would like to take every politician over to Afghanistan and drop them in a firefight and let them watch first hand the horror of war. Then I would like to take them into downtown Baghdad when a suicide bomber hits the switch, let them see the bits and pieces I see in my nightmares, let them see the expression on the bombers face because a suicide bomber with a vest on, when they explode, their hands feet and head pop right off. Let them smell the burning flesh. Then bring them home and see the inside of the VA psych wards and the burns ward, and the prosthetic limb ward. f*ck them all.

Sorry Tim for hijacking your thread, and I am glad you guys are all here for me. I am so f*cking angry right now in case you have not worked out. I don't think it would be wise for me to go into public today.

 

[tho9900]

It's all good brother and ya I know what you mean... it's the same story over and over... all the buzz word in the states is "patriots" when referring to the troops.. what they don't realize is those guys arent fighting for a cause or an idea so much as they are fighting for each other...

Imma simmer down it's been quite the long day for me and maybe I got some stuff stirring with my words earlier...

Let them walk a mile in our boots... but no... that'll never happen... Jimmy I appreciate you... you have led me further in 4 days here than I have been in 20... keep on keeping on bro.. ya they might not appreciate us... but hey.. we appreciate each other... lets be happy for that for now...

We can't change the system we can only change ourselves... so lets start with that and let it spread... Tim I apologize too.. I kinda sidetracked it all... I hear you and I can understand you feel that way.... and that is ok... you are ok...

Jimmy... stick by me bro... u have more experience with this recovery thing than I do... I had my head in the sand too many yrs now... I need you to keep it up.... I know we all fall back now nd then.. but ya I need ya... I need all of you...

 

[Jimmy1]

Thanks Tom, I am glad to have helped. But sometimes the shoe is on the other foot. It does not matter how long you have been working on 'The Beast', or what courses you have done, sometimes it gets the better of you and you need someone to give you a big kick in the arse.

We all get overcome by self pity sometimes, it all just gets too much. Having people on this site like Ned, Wagon, Red, Sarg, Fargo, and the list goes on. Sorry for those I have not mentioned. Anyway, having them here to pull us out of the gutter really helps.

And Tom, sometimes reading posts will trigger things, so you have to know when to pull back.

And lastly, Anthony is the guy we all need to thank. He created this site as a spin off from the other one as us veterans don't play nice. If he ever comes on here it is usually with good advice or to ban some f*cker who is causing grief.
If it were not for him, we would not all be here now, so cheers Anthony if you read this.

 

[tho9900]

thanks again Jimmy, Sarg, Red et al... yesterday/last night was the shittiest I have felt in a long time... then something Wagon said got me on Youtube where I found Heather LaCroix... ok... nothing to do with this forum but omg a woman shooting a .300 magnum into a milk jug of gasoline at 900 yards brings me back down to reality lol... actually it reminds me of home so much...and well... thats kinda hawt...

and ya,,, I reread all my posts yesterday and in another thread I said it all... I was selfish... no one knew how bad I felt.,.. Nichol I pushed away.. my parents as well etc....

rereading my posts helped me put a finger on triggers.. and ya.. this forum in itself is a trigger so I gotta be careful...

just sent my parents a txt giving them Nichols number... gonna send her theirs... its time I get this all together...

 

[Jimmy1]

Tom, PTSD rewires us and we are not the same person or will we ever be the same person that we were before we deployed. We can be nasty, hurtful and a downright arse and no even know it.
You need to get your partner if you have one and your parents and family to read some of the articles on here. Print them out and give them a copy. It then gives them a chance.

Here are the links.

Link Removed

Link Removed

There are others, but they are the best two to start with.

Nearly every veteran on here has been hurtful towards their partner and family. The psychological reason behind it is that we can't control ourselves and we are hurting inside so we lash out at those closest to us thinking they will understand. Unfortunately a lot of family members and especially partners cannot take it and disconnect.

My wife had a choice on a PTSD course I did in 2007. She decided that she would not be able to cope and left for good. I am lucky to have found love since, well it's not the normal love that society would see it as, as we do have trouble displaying our emotions, but it is love, and there are women out there who have very thick skin and if they understand 'The Beast' can cope with the hurtful comments and find ways to let us know.

Sorry for rambling.

 

[tho9900]

In Nichol's honor... omg she has stuck by me through some bad stuff... I stuck by her through a horrible divorce from a manipulative and evil man... she stuck by me through the same on my part... I said this in I don't know what thread... for one hour a day... 5 days a week we were happy... (lunch at work) Now we have each other whenever we want.. but ya... she has a long road ahead... so I need to prepare her..

Ya I hurt so much last night I wanted to hurt others.... and myself...

And ya I feel you on not a normal love.. although ours might be diff... the most frequent question we get is how long have we been married.. "you seem like newlyweds".... we gave up finally anf just say "4 yrs" and they are like wow... yall are like newlyweds... whatever works Jimmy, cheers to your signifigant other... they have to be a brave soul to be with you...