Strong desire to avoid family members

[SeekingAfrica]

I currently for few months live with my parents, and while it's physically arranged detail-wise- I help out in payments etc. it's taking a huge toll emotionally. My mom and I always end up shouting or crying and I never get any peace. And my parents are older so they kind of shout to each other without meaning to.

I'm trying to deal with my side of things, self-care, workout meditate...but I've noticed that because of the dynamic we have I don't particularly want to engage with my mom much because just being around her is stressful now, and I already have my plate full anxiety wise. I'm pretty sure she also has anxiety and is in denial that it is a thing that you can do something about, but nevermind that. There is only space for one person to be anxious at a time, and my needs feel non-existent to her(or more like, being a princess, way too sensitive and whatnot).
I've noticed I am starting to just drift out of conversation and just nod(because I don't want to get into an argument again, my throat hurts from it), keeping phone conversations shorter and hiding things I bought like I'm a teenager, because I don't want to have an argument over what I bought and why, or another conversation about why I don't need to be explaining why I have bought something.

Anyway...I'm just wondering if being complacent and avoiding arguments is unhealthy coping or expected? By the way, I have had pretty long discussions trying to get my point accross, patiently, before I resorted to this. It didn't really get any result across, or a preeetty minor one. So I stopped trying. Should I be getting in arguments but being honest, or avoiding/keeping my mouth shut? Or is there a third option other than talking to her? Just as a side note, I am trying to take care of myself emotionally as much as I can on my own, and one day soon I'll go to therapy again, too. But in the meantime I have to do with what I know...and with reading this new DBT book that I found.

 

[mumstheword]

Have you heard the saying "pick your battles?"
I would be tuning in and being very compassionate towards yourself and intuiting what is important enough to stand your ground and what is something to accept for now, even if it's not pleasant, because you only have a finite amount of time and energy each day and it sounds like you need plenty just to try keep your head above water while you stay with your folks.

Boundaries are important through, enough for you to feel like you have a certain measure of safety and space for yourself.

I can't really speak much about mothers. Mine is in the no-relationship-with zone at the moment. It's taken 44 years and way too much trauma and abuse/neglect from her to get here though. I might be able to see her again after a lot more support and therapy, not sure yet.

I'm feeling for you in this hard place, living with your folks! Please do prioritize kindness to yourself and gauge what you can and need to address each day and what you can put up with for now. How honest is your Mother? Because if she denies and transfers, it might not be something she is willing to respond to if you address how her behaviours affect you.
People need to be honest and accountable otherwise relationship with them becomes a liability.