Childhood Struggling with a reason

[Ivi]

So brief recap of my history, I've had PTSD probably since I was 13/14 for 9/10 years. I was sexually abused by my father for two years when I was 10. My family know, mum stays with him. All that stuff.
But today I was discussing everything with my partner and today I added that part of the reason I'd want to take my dad to court is because I want a reason from him why he did it. I know that sounds weird and all but I find myself struggling and I just want to know why something like that had to happen to me. Like I know that nothing will ever make what happened to me less awful and that I will always hate him, I don't have it in me to ever forgive him for what he did to me. But I just want to know why the worst thing that ever happened to me ever had to happen?
Does anyone else find themselves questioning for a reason? Has finding a "reason" ever helped?
I think I just want to be able to rationalise something that I have a feeling can never be rationalised.

 

[Bristol]

I sometimes find myself desperately searching for the why, but truth is they do it because they wanted to there is no other reason, no deeper reason and it is hard to face. By all means go to court if it helps but see it more as a justice thing because the reason probably is no comfort.

 

[Kintsugi]

I think this is pretty common with victims/survivors. Maybe especially with incest. I sort of have a reason from my brother; he was raped right around the time he started abusing me. But I want to know why he has never said he was sorry.

 

[scout86]

I think it's a fairly common question. I think getting a satisfying answer is fairly uncommon. For a start, most people who are capable of committing that type of act aren't capable of seeing anyone's point of view but their own. They can have all sorts of ways of rationalizing their behavior, but you're not likely to get remorse OR a good reason from them.

In the end, hard as it might be to accept, the answer is probably just bad luck. (Yours, that is.)

 

[Ivi]

I think I want an admission from him more than anything else. I don't want there to be a shred of doubt in my mother's mind that my father did this to me. Plus when it comes to the court thing, I'd like justice as well. I wanna be able to make him pay for what he did and not let him think he can get away with doing that to anyone especially his own child.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think there is a "why" much of the time.

I also don't think that a court decision sways faithful followers much of the time. Be prepared for everyone to still support him and for you to be painted as the backstabbing liar who has betrayed the family.

 

[Klo]

I think I just want to be able to rationalise something that I have a feeling can never be rationalised.

Bingo.

Sucks, but it's true.

 

[Helper]

You should watch Dr Phil shows he is s really good and helps a lot