Struggling

[hermione]

Right now I just don't see the point sone days ... like I am depressed I find nothing is really helping like i went to softball last night and couldn't even enjoy it... I don't want to read which I usually love and just nothing is working...i stopped journaling for 3 days my therapist who i saw tonight said i have to get back to it as that was helping and also she was concerned the last few days with my messages and texts i left her and was even considering if i needed to be hospitalized...i am sort of scared that it is getting this bad...she was said on psych like feared i was going to kill myself i do have thoughts of it...my therapist talked to my psychiatrist and they are upping one of my meds so hoping that will make me have a change...i am very tired and just getting sick of fighting my therapist said i can get through this i just feel i can't she said i may have been doing therapy for 10 years basically with her but really we have only been doing the work for a year if not only a few months when secrets came out. do i want to sometimes die yes. new memories flooding back is just making me so messed up...i do realize my messages are crazy she told me basically when i get so like overwhelmed by flashbacks take my sleep meds and jsut go to bed she told me she doesn't even care what time it is like my night can end early if it has to i work all day as it is. but just struggling part of me feels i maybe do need to be in the hospital unless things really shift with this med change.

 

[ladee]

I am sorry things are so hard right now... that's what the healing does to us... wears us out and makes us question why we are even doing any of this.... but it does change... it does get better, or none of us would be here...

Very good that your T understands you just need to check out for awhile.... and going to the hospital is an option.... please let us know if you do, so we will know you are safe and being taken care of.... I hate this for all of us.... but you are not alone... and I do understand.... hope you get some good sleep tonight... it does make a difference...gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[hermione]

Thanks so much for caring and for the support. I am going to take my sleep med now and start getting ready for bed to call it a night. i hope it doesnt' come to the hospital but i do understand it is for my safety i will keep you all updated. i am tired of feeling this way and she understands i work hard all day and can be distracted as i am a daycare teacher but i come home and crash and my mind goes crazy. she shared with my psychiatrist things i just shared with her about what happened with my brother and his friend and she said my psychiatrist said that it sounds like a monster who would do the things that were done....and my therapist said its honestly just horrible...she used other words but basically that...its just difficult.

 

[ladee]

Sleep good... don't have to concern yourself with anything for a few hours... and yes, you need a break...hopefully it won't be the hospital, but if it is,it's the right thing to do.... to be safe!!!! thinking of you.... gentle hugs if you accept...

 

[hermione]

thank you and i am just going to try to read and relax seeing my therapist was comforting because she has a way of comforting me so i am a little more ok than i have been but still exhausted and she is right i need to end the night earlier sometimes because my mind is getting away from me right now...i took my meds so putting my computer away my roomate is out i think not sure if i will hear her come home i just need sleep really bad now...

 

[hermione]

I am so tired even though I got more sleep last night ...my emotions are just all over the place I asked my therapist for an extra session she said she could do that . I just don't know how I am going to get through all this she said I will and she will support me it's just hard... i will see if my upped risperdal helps with it if not I don't know I just feel little hope ...