Stuck At Full Throttle And Starting To Rattle Apart.

[JarHed]

Hey Ned,

Missed your cat. Welcome back.

 

[Sarg]

Fine now, Ned, thanks! Had a close call with my old dog that ruffed me up last week, but all came out good. Nice to see you round again!

Sarg

 

[whips]

I have this same problem. I loose it, and the anger is so intense for no reason at all. I punch myself in the jaw and temple over and over, slam my head into the wall, My girlfriend is having serious issues from the situation ive created. she grinds her teeth too, she's not well from the stress, for some reason she love me and sticks this shit out with me, i dont want her to suffer any more, but i cant reel in the anger, its a freefall of rage and its not over till impact. i need a static line so to speak. how do you stop yourself?

 

[whips]

lost it again today, cant even remember what it was about, feeling a bit concussed from self flogging. it doesnt seem to ever get any better.

 

[Jimmy1]

Go get some help mate. They will help you to work out when you are starting to ramp up. Yeah it does not sound true atm, but it does work. You will be able to recognise when it's starting and take evasive action. It does work and it does get better.

I won't lie to you though, sometimes events happen way too quick for anyone to handle, but they will be fewer and futher between.

 

[whips]

beaten myself a bit bad today, im in between floggings, im sure i will do it again later. I just hate myself and it seems like the only satisfaction i get out of life is inflicting pain on myself. i get that satisfaction during the time im doing it but later im just sad, upset and i cry a lot. im not ok, but im not comfortable seeking help outside of my house. i dont want to leave, i do not trust the va, only bad experiences there. i just hate myself so much, i wish for bad things to happen to me, i wish for death constantly. i am afraid of the spiritual repercussions of suicide, and that is what keeps me from that path. i honestly hate my existence, myself and everything about me. i hate my life, and resent everyone in it for hanging around. the only time i seem to enjoy life is intoxicated, otherwise its just a miserable blur of crap. im beginning to think im just f*cked and there isnt any help to be gotten.

 

[Sarg]

Malignant, STOP! I used to do the same things, it's anger turned inward. It doesn't work and it makes it worse.

Now, listen to me! You keep going the way you're going and you'll either seriously harm yourself or people you care about. If you won't go to the VA, go to the goddamn ER room and tell them what's going on. Yes, it's expensive, I know it only too well, but what do you want more...the health and safety of your loved one's or some bucks?

YOU ARE DANGEROUS AT THIS STAGE!!!!!! I respect your service and sacrifice but don't do this to yourself or any one else.

Get Help Dammit!

Sarg

 

[Tim Cake]

Follow Sarg's advice.
Don't f*ck around with self-harm.

 

[whips]

im va comp and pen 100% for both ptsd and tbi, the er room cost is free, the issue is i dont trust anyone and i wont go to a hospital, i was hospitalized a few years back, and it made things worse, i felt like a prisoner, and have never trusted the va, or any other dr. since, gave them a chance when a dr emailed me and told me about a new program a couple years ago called cpt. did that for a few weeks and lost any coping mechanisms i had developed, now i have none, driving a fist into my jaw seems to be the only thing that comes close. i need to figure out what YOU did to break the cycle and figure what i can do. the LAST thing i need is some asshole behind a desk whose most stressful moment in life was taking some f*cking test making him better than me, telling me what to think and how to feel, all the while loading me up on poisonous meds that make me slow and fat. did that, never barking up that tree again. I would go to the vet center if i could get down there, problem is i have no transportation. im on my own, dont have any friends. My girlfriend is at her wits ends with me and has to leave for days at a time to get away from me and my problems in order to cope with me.

 

[Sarg]

I gave you my best advice. If you choose not to walk that path, that's your decision. You ask me what I did to break the cycle...I sought help. I went to the VA within months of my return from hell. They popped for a 10% and a butt kick out the door. Didn't stop me. I went to civilian therapists. When the VA wouldn't pay, I worked and paid for it myself.

I'm still seeing them and probably will continue until I draw my last breath. Because I admit I'm sick, I know what disease it is and care enough about myself to do something about it. You don't, that's your biz. None of us can help you if you won't help yourself.

My last on this one.

Sarg

 

[whips]

well i tried, ive been through the va for 5 years, and not one ounce of improvement. I was looking for some kind of support outside of the hospital, seems i was just wasting my time and yours on this site, please delete my account.

 

[Jimmy1]

Malignant, if you need a friend to talk to then there are a lot here. But if you are coming on here to beat yourself up, then you will be 'Told'. You see, this site is full of veterans, some who are receiving treatment and some who aren't, so negative talk just puts people down. And negative self talk does not help anyone.

If you need someone to talk to and are not going to be all negative, message me, I will be glad to help.