Hello all,
I am stuck in my nightmare, hitting the rewind button over and over. My sister swallowed a bottle of Tylenol when she was 19, and I told my parents to "let her sleep it off" because I thought she was acting weird due to drugs. She did sleep it off,,, she died that night. But that is not my nightmare.
Two years later, my husband, who I loved, decided to hold me hostage in our home for 2 hours, pointing a gun at my head, then to his, then to me, on and on, pacing back and forth, yelling at me, acting crazy, out of his mind. I had never been so scared in my life. After 2 hours of this, I saw the phone under the couch and dialed 911. I screamed and cried so they could hear me,,, but then I hung it up afraid my husband would hear them talking. They called back. He demanded the phone and tried to convince 911 there was nothing wrong, everything was alright. But they told him emergency vehicles had been dispatched already, they would be there within minutes. He hung up. He stood up and shot himself in front of me and fell on top of me. I screamed and got out of there as fast as I could and ran to the middle of the street and started screaming until someone came out and then I passed out. When I came to I started throwing up and all the firetrucks and police were there.
This happened November 16, 1996. It took me a good 4 years to be "right" again. And I thought I was. I never got help,,, I helped myself. It may not have been the best kind of help, but I didn't kill myself. I've done "okay' through the years,,, but the last couple years I've just been going downhill.
And lately I've not been doing well. My parents are angry with me and say I should be better. My meds "don't work" and I still have issues and its been way too long. I have had people say in the past "wow, its been THAT long? And you still aren't over this??" I guess they are right. But then again, I don't think they would say that to someone who suffered sexual abuse as a child, or a war vet who has PTSD?
I am staring off at work a lot , for long periods of time, they are noticing and talking to me about it. I haven't done this since it first happened. I don't feel like I'm here. I've been giving away all my stuff, my jewelry, all my things from my childhood. I don't want anything in my house. I've pushed away almost everyone I know at this point. Even my parents. I really don't know what I want, what I'm doing or what I can do to make things better at this point. Hoping this site can help me out.
April
I am stuck in my nightmare, hitting the rewind button over and over. My sister swallowed a bottle of Tylenol when she was 19, and I told my parents to "let her sleep it off" because I thought she was acting weird due to drugs. She did sleep it off,,, she died that night. But that is not my nightmare.
Two years later, my husband, who I loved, decided to hold me hostage in our home for 2 hours, pointing a gun at my head, then to his, then to me, on and on, pacing back and forth, yelling at me, acting crazy, out of his mind. I had never been so scared in my life. After 2 hours of this, I saw the phone under the couch and dialed 911. I screamed and cried so they could hear me,,, but then I hung it up afraid my husband would hear them talking. They called back. He demanded the phone and tried to convince 911 there was nothing wrong, everything was alright. But they told him emergency vehicles had been dispatched already, they would be there within minutes. He hung up. He stood up and shot himself in front of me and fell on top of me. I screamed and got out of there as fast as I could and ran to the middle of the street and started screaming until someone came out and then I passed out. When I came to I started throwing up and all the firetrucks and police were there.
This happened November 16, 1996. It took me a good 4 years to be "right" again. And I thought I was. I never got help,,, I helped myself. It may not have been the best kind of help, but I didn't kill myself. I've done "okay' through the years,,, but the last couple years I've just been going downhill.
And lately I've not been doing well. My parents are angry with me and say I should be better. My meds "don't work" and I still have issues and its been way too long. I have had people say in the past "wow, its been THAT long? And you still aren't over this??" I guess they are right. But then again, I don't think they would say that to someone who suffered sexual abuse as a child, or a war vet who has PTSD?
I am staring off at work a lot , for long periods of time, they are noticing and talking to me about it. I haven't done this since it first happened. I don't feel like I'm here. I've been giving away all my stuff, my jewelry, all my things from my childhood. I don't want anything in my house. I've pushed away almost everyone I know at this point. Even my parents. I really don't know what I want, what I'm doing or what I can do to make things better at this point. Hoping this site can help me out.
April
