coraxxx
Policy Enforcement
So I have this therapist and she's the best I've ever had, but she has a tendency to ask me what I want from therapy, and I really don't know. It doesn't help that when there is anything major happening I shut down and cancel. Also it doesn't help that it is expensive and above my means.
I'm very confused about what to do. I'd like to go to therapy and discuss stuff to have some more leverage on my issues, but once I get there it seems it entirely melts away. I become hypnotised by the curtains and the knee jerk reflex of smothering her under information always seems to take over and I feel I loose important time just blabbering about silly things. I'm under the impression she's observing it while not doing anything about it.
I might be answering my own question here but what can I do? More exactly, how can I do it? I'm constantly feeling unsafe and unstable in my life and not feeling like I can risk having a decompensation with trauma therapy while working my ass out. I'm having far more stability than before, I'm feeling better, but I also have obligations and am feeling like this is a critical point where I shouldn't change my coping tactics too much too fast, at least not before having designed an efficient replacement.
Overall I'm feeling like therapy confuses me much more than no therapy. It's bizarre to explain, the more I think of it the blurrier it gets.
I'm also worried of being somewhat of a bad patient because of this tendency to flop. I think I might have irritated her because it happened several times. I'm on the verge of ghosting on her (I already did but I mean definitely) because I feel bad for having ghosted before.
Is that something you experienced? If yes, what helped you going further? What helped you improving your life?
I'm very confused about what to do. I'd like to go to therapy and discuss stuff to have some more leverage on my issues, but once I get there it seems it entirely melts away. I become hypnotised by the curtains and the knee jerk reflex of smothering her under information always seems to take over and I feel I loose important time just blabbering about silly things. I'm under the impression she's observing it while not doing anything about it.
I might be answering my own question here but what can I do? More exactly, how can I do it? I'm constantly feeling unsafe and unstable in my life and not feeling like I can risk having a decompensation with trauma therapy while working my ass out. I'm having far more stability than before, I'm feeling better, but I also have obligations and am feeling like this is a critical point where I shouldn't change my coping tactics too much too fast, at least not before having designed an efficient replacement.
Overall I'm feeling like therapy confuses me much more than no therapy. It's bizarre to explain, the more I think of it the blurrier it gets.
I'm also worried of being somewhat of a bad patient because of this tendency to flop. I think I might have irritated her because it happened several times. I'm on the verge of ghosting on her (I already did but I mean definitely) because I feel bad for having ghosted before.
Is that something you experienced? If yes, what helped you going further? What helped you improving your life?