Suggestions On How To Feel More Adult?

[Justmehere]

I just walked out of a super intense trauma therapy session. We worked on processing a very difficult adult trauma, and I think I regressed? I don't remember ever regressing to a child like state like this before in any session. Not this deeply.

My therapist assured me it's not a bad thing, it means we did deep work and she spent extra time helping me get back into "adult." Well, we both struggled at it. I kept telling her about very adult decisions like around taxes and doing things to physically ground... And I still feel super young. It's freaking me out.

She told me to do every adult things. I'm on a long train ride home, and I'm trying so hard to act adulterer if I don't feel that way. If I am not super careful, my body language suddenly gets young. It's freaking me out.

Any suggestions on how to get back to feeling adult?

 

[pixel]

As a quick suggestion to help right now:

sing a song under your breath that you know as an adult and emotionally connect with in an adult way.

 

[hodge]

Oh, JMH! This probably isn't the best way to bring you back to adulthood, but thinking about Trump may do the trick in a pinch. Sorry, it was just the most efficacious way I could think of to help bring you back.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Time is the only thing that helps me. I totally know what you mean as Ive been there several times and it doesnt affect my thinking so much (so like can pay bills) but my behavior is more child-like and gets better over time not passing a day.

Im intresting of the replies too.

 

[pixel]

@Justmehere, im possibly on the wrong path here, but are you able to communicate internally?

Try saying that you will permit yourself to be childlike whilst still ON this train, but we need to be fair and share.
If you can, firmly but gently, state that you need to fully be in control by the time you get off the train, get home, or whatever.

Acknowledge that the child is protecting you and ask her to hold on to her feelings until a more suitable time.

Maybe promise that if she lets you be yourself again, you will let her watch cartoons, play or eat icecream later.

Be specific.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Maybe let "her" express "herself" through typing or drawing?

Although not an alter that "takes over", I do have halted emotions and repressed memory that feels very much like an "inner child" and its shown mostly by how I feel and even behaviorally. "She" holds much of my emotions and comes out to express them and back in once I do. Its a thought.

 

[Ellabella44]

to ground when doing younger work has been to wear rings that were given to me by my husband and two I bought two months after I quit drinking. they are physical reminders of here and now.

 

[Friday]

What does being an adult mean to you?

 

[hodge]

Hey, JMH, I tried to send you a message, but your inbox is full :-).

 

[Justmehere]

@pixel - great suggestions. I don't have DID, but different ego states, and internal dialogue is still applicable. I didn't even have enough of an adult me to try to do that, posting here and reading what you wrote helped me get there though. I couldn't even think of those ideas until I read what you wrote. That got my brain going in the right direction. Thank you! It especially helped to be specific. I couldn't think of a song, so I started writing down all the elements of the periodic table that I could remember. (Yep, I'm a nerd.) That helped. :)

thinking about Trump may do the trick in a pinch. Sorry, it was just the most efficacious way I could think of to help bring you back.

This was actually suggested by my therapist to! (Great minds think alike :)) She said to find an adult subject that kids would not ponder, and discuss it like an adult. I made an attempt at it here on the forums. It did help! I'm not sure how adult I seemed, but it helped pull me into feeling more adult.
@lostforgottensoul - I was feeling so alone it this. Thanks for posting because it helped me know I'm not so alone.
@Ellabella44 - I'm glad those rings help, that's such a great idea - something that is with me to remind me... I've been trying to notice how I'm dressed very adult and professionally.

Maybe let "her" express "herself" through typing or drawing?

I think I will need to do this, when it's safe... Maybe a good promise to myself? I so struggle with feeling so young and vulnerable. This young state is also a very distressed state.

What does being an adult mean to you?

Good question. It means being able to protect myself. On the train, it meant keeping both feet on the floor and not acting different as to attract any precarious attention to myself. It means being able to stay emotionally regulated, and keep good boundaries. It means a certain sense of self that is so hard to describe... but it's very adult. And this place, is not. Just not adult. It's more than being distressed. It's being distressed in a really specific way. My voice actually became higher pitched and it freaked me out. I couldn't stop it at first. But it's more normal now. Hmm. searching for words... but just thinking of what adult means to me is helping me stay more adult.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It means being able to stay emotionally regulated, and keep good boundaries.

That's being "adult"? Then Im not "adult" in my most "adult" time; haha, if that made any sense.

@lostforgottensoul - I was feeling so alone it this. Thanks for posting because it helped me know I'm not so alone.

Of course! And no, not alone in it at all. My "inner child" comes "out to 'play" at the worst times every imaginable lol. And i dont have DID either. :hug:

I think I will need to do this, when it's safe... Maybe a good promise to myself? I so struggle with feeling so young and vulnerable. This young state is also a very distressed state.

If you dont at all feel safe to, dont. But one thing Ive come to learn about this "inner child" thing, there are times that its most helpful to me later, in my adult moments, to let "her" talk in those non-adult ones as "she" holds those early emotions. Right now she just straight up refuses to be muzzled and throws what feels like a 2 yr old tantrum inside of me...or I will throw one myself; which is one way "she" shows in behavior lol.

I use quotes for a reason as "she's" not an alter and doesnt take over, I can work, pay bills, drive all while "she's" present. Its more my emotional and sometimes physical state that has become child-like. I also loose no memory. I just wanted to be clear to not confuse anyone.

 

[Friday]

... but just thinking of what adult means to me is helping me stay more adult

<grin> That was actually the point :D

What being adult means to me, and what it means to you? Will be different things.

In order to feel/act/think like ________? First I have to know what _______ means to me. I need a working definition. Whether that's adult, or poised, or strong, or capable, or energetic, or what have you. Pick any state of being, and it's going to have dozens of facets that make up the substance of what I believe about it.

JMH's Adult = Able to protect yourself, the right to protect yourself, willing/able to mind your affect, an awareness of others in your vicinity... And probably several dozen other things. Get that working list going, and you can start ticking each item off, one by one. If a few are missing? No worries. Avalanche them with the sheer strength in numbers from other items on your list until each becomes your own :)