Suicide - is there anything that can be said or done to help prevent it?

[Tinyflame]

and not just treat me like an inconvenience.

Yep. Or worse.

 

[Mee]

You might find reading this thread enlightening

My husband died today

Especially from about p.7 onwards, past the condolences, once Medic starts sharing her story in real time over the next year or so. I very much doubt it’s what you imagine your husbands life to be like after you die.

Thank you for the link, but I don’t think I need to. Both because we have both experienced grief before and because I am not actively suicidal now. Just not actively ‘proactive’ either. I’m getting there but guilt won’t help!

 

[Friday]

I’m getting there but guilt won’t help!

Wasn’t coming from a place of guilt. I generally/genuinely think that people will be better off without me around. Sure, they might be sad for a little while, but the benefits far outweigh a brief -if any- period of missing me. It was really damn enlightening to see how what I imagine, and the reality, don’t line up. Death is an old friend of mine. I’m used to losing people. I’m used to that pain, and that fight, and occasionally losing my mind to grief. So it’s a peculiar double standard I’ve placed in my head and heart. Because I’ve lived so long in life & death, I don’t value MY OWN as much as I value other people’s. Never really thought about it before, but that might just be a piece of depersonalization cropping up. I’m not really “real” in my own mind. So my death shouldn’t affect others, the same way. They’re better off for it. But removing myself from the equation? Seeing 2 others go through it? Made my own self just a BIT more real. As I said, it was an enlightening experience. Because it wasn’t about me.

Not pushing either way, just sharing something that helped.

 

[Mee]

Wasn’t coming from a place of guilt. I generally/genuinely think that people will be better off without me around. Sure, they might be sad for a little while, but the benefits far outweigh a brief -if any- period of missing me. It was really damn enlightening to see how what I imagine, and the reality, don’t line up. Death is an old friend of mine. I’m used to losing people. I’m used to that pain, and that fight, and occasionally losing my mind to grief. So it’s a peculiar double standard I’ve placed in my head and heart. Because I’ve lived so long in life & death, I don’t value MY OWN as much as I value other people’s. Never really thought about it before, but that might just be a piece of depersonalization cropping up. I’m not really “real” in my own mind. So my death shouldn’t affect others, the same way. They’re better off for it. But removing myself from the equation? Seeing 2 others go through it? Made my own self just a BIT more real. As I said, it was an enlightening experience. Because it wasn’t about me.

Not pushing either way, just sharing something that helped.

Ok, thank you for clarification.

My stance is that everyone’s experience has similarities and differences; just like how not everyone will get ptsd from their trauma . I don’t for a moment imagine my husband would throw a party and celebrate; he is loving and supportive as well as sensitive and kind. I hope he would say until I was pretty much without functionality I was a pretty good wife ;) . But he also has had it modelled In his parents that being widowed is upsetting but not the end of fulfilling life nor does it mean single life moving forward.

I’m really glad it helped you! ? but I think it would just feel like more pressure to me . I am out of the very bottom of the hole of despair, and while not climbing those slippery upward sides out: I have dug a sort of seat into the wall. It’s as good as it gets just now. I’m hoping I can just gather energy and move a bit higher a bit at a time.

If not.... at least he knows how to take care of everything at home now. ( this was a joke; I appreciate that the tone doesn’t come across in text so I am clarifying; It’s how I deal with this topic)

 

[BlueBerry6999]

My boyfriend is the only valid reason for me not to kill myself.
Just today, I almost started packing and sorting my things so he wouldn't have to deal with chaos after my "departure". Then I remembered that the emotional chaos is so much worse and I can't put him through that. I do believe that he would be better off without me, but I also think he might not allow himself to move on and be happy if I died and that worries me.

Being sad and hopeless is one thing, because at least it's caused by the mental illness and can be treated accordingly. When things actually just keep going wrong on top of it all, it's not just a suicidal urge anymore. It becomes more of a clear path that seems to make sense. That combination scares me and I feel like it's what might push me over the edge.

 

[blackemerald1]

When things actually just keep going wrong on top of it all, it's not just a suicidal urge anymore.

It becomes more of a clear path that seems to make sense.

I agree with you BB but also I see the alternative too. If it's all going wrong there is the possibility of something going right. I can clearly remember the flooding relief when something turned out ok. I hang onto those moments because that can happen.

In respect of hanging in there because of your bf. I understand because I hang in there at times only because I have young sons and I am keenly aware of what suicide by a parent can do to the lives of young males. (more so than young females from what I've read).

In any case if that's what keeps you in the game and halts your suicide plan progressing then I think that is a good thing. At least it gives you time to sort out why you might be suicidal and maybe even resolve that completely. I suppose that would be the ideal?

 

[Tinyflame]

When things actually just keep going wrong on top of it all, it's not just a suicidal urge anymore. It becomes more of a clear path that seems to make sense.

I think that shows very good understanding. And @blackemerald1 is right, also.

 

[BlueBerry6999]

Yes you are right of course...
It's just that lately what could go wrong has gone wrong and every time I felt better, something bad happened. It's exhausting.
Especially the money problems. I should either be focusing on myself and on getting better or I should do everything I can to find a job and earn money.
The two just don't go together. I'm too exhausted to deal with the money issues and too broke to deal with the rest.