Suicide - is there anything that can be said or done to help prevent it?

[Gs172003]

It sucks that people who are feeling like they want to end their lives can’t confide that to their therapists without fear of being institutionalized! It makes it so they can’t truly open up and isn’t that what therapy is for? But they have to walk around with this dark secret and no one to turn to... so sad

My therapist knows there is a difference in ideation and being suicidal. She won't call for ideation but if I'm going to actually do anything.... she'll call on me.

 

[LuckiLee]

Twice I've had to tell my guy "either you call the crisis line or I do". And he's made the call.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think suicidality has a profund sense of aloneness. Largest drop to overflow the bucket is commonly relational, financial, and/ or reputational. Which all could involve loss, fear, shame and/or guilt, survival, and feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, discouragement, aloneness and despair. And pain, physical included. I think the precipitating factors may be somewht different if people feel like they matter, or have key roles, vs to when they don't.

I don't think anyone can change anyone's mind, or it's unfair to expect anyone to be responsible for that. But I also don't doubt there's influences in either direction. I think people ideally have to feel like they matter at some level, and can find some purpose. From there it's much of their own hard work, too. And maintenance. Finding hope, treating themself with some value, trying to limit exposure where they are treated without it, not isolating.

 

[Tinyflame]

Just came back to add, though I apologize if this is too off topic, but I've wondered (with myself) where does for example, depression begin, is it even the reason, or simply overwhelming circumstances/ being alone in them, become the overwhelming force? Like, I have come to see (years before and now) people many years, even decades older, and men, unable to (also) know what to do if those circumstances were there that I faced (I think that was the 1st time I realized, hey, 'anyone' would feel as I do, for the most part.). Or is it even anxiety-based? I do give credit for those people with more resiliency as regards SI- yet I also know I've gone through so many things (persevered, or put blinders on through, physically mentally and emotionally beyond anything even near average demands) many things others would not. So Idk what to say? I pre-suppose part of the answer to the OP's question would be what are the underlying factors? I did read the most successful program was someone caring, actually. Which doesn't mean though the OP didn't care enough. Does there come a time when it's impossible to accept or believe someone else cares, or it's even possible? Idk. I've also heard it described as an emotional cancer. Wr don't blame people who suffer with or die of cancer, and we're more lenient of their fears and choices (even deleterious ones) and weariness in trying to cope with it. IMHO. If nothing else it's misunderstood, but that's understandable when you can't understand even yourself. It's definitely giving up, however it's couched, I think.

 

[Woundedhealer]

Wow ... I really admire you all for being able to share and I thank you for the thought put into your comments! Wishing everyone peace within your souls and hearts and the strength to hang on another day!

 

[Tinyflame]

I haven't listened to all of this but I think it can explain sometimes, or for some of us, why it's nearly impossible to have the words or skills to deal with situations beyond our ability to cope, or how to know how to get help, or what it is, or to find words. Also how we are affected by others, and how we affect others, and how we can be hard-wired to not be able to find safety outside of ourselves (not even including ptsd or anything else). What is so-called 'healthy' doesn't feel like health but collapse and fear.

 

[anthony]

One of my students committed suicide this past week.

Sorry to hear. Condolences.

What is bothering me the most is to hear people say that she is a coward and selfish for doing what she did and I’m over here saying f*ck that! Can you imagine the pain and the guts it took to make such a choice as ending her life? I just don’t understand how people can’t try to see things from another perspective but get so caught up in themselves and what they think or feel.

It is possibly more accurate to say its all true. Committing suicide is the cowards way out. The act is a tough and painful decision. Saying all of this does not mean someone, or me, can't see other perspectives.

I have attempted suicide, just so there is no doubt. I was a coward at the time, yet I was also very sick from depression. It is the illness.

Some may be angry, some may simply be speaking their truth.

We are all in shock as we thought she was so happy and grounded after so many years of turmoil.

This. You can't see what others feel. This is the problem. Unless a person wants, chooses, to help themselves, then they own their choices. Suicide is selfish in respect to what it does to all those affected by the persons act. Again, it is the illness.

 

[Woundedhealer]

Sorry to hear. Condolences.


It is possibly more accurate to say its all true. Committing suicide is the cowards way out. The act is a tough and painful decision. Saying all of this does not mean someone, or me, can't see other perspectives.

I have attempted suicide, just so there is no doubt. I was a coward at the time, yet I was also very sick from depression. It is the illness.

Some may be angry, some may simply be speaking their truth.


This. You can't see what others feel. This is the problem. Unless a person wants, chooses, to help themselves, then they own their choices. Suicide is selfish in respect to what it does to all those affected by the persons act. Again, it is the illness.

i think those that try to commit suicide or actually succeed are some of the most empathetic and compassionate people walking this earth... feeling so so much and lightning up others because they know what it’s like to live in darkness... my heart is hurting for these souls who hurt so much that ending life is their only solution to relieve their pain.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Suicidal thinking is one of those disorders that runs along a spectrum. I have spent the last 45 years with attempts and being hospitalized repeatedly. I can say there comes a point when i started getting better, while I still have those moments, overall I have improved greatly. Even when I have those moments are safer. It takes time to get better and it takes the desire and commitment to the process.

 

[Starfire]

One of my students committed suicide this past week. We are all in shock as we thought she was so happy and grounded after so many years of turmoil.
What is bothering me the most is to hear people say that she is a coward and selfish for doing what she did and I’m over here saying f*ck that! Can you imagine the pain and the guts it took to make such a choice as ending her life?

People who haven't experienced that degree of pain can't phantom the depths, all consuming pain she was feeling.

 

[Tinyflame]

I saw a sign that said, "You matter". And I thought, how funny (not as in humorous), because I'm sure many people feel that, but just as equally perhaps a surprising number don't, esp outside of their role, or money, or status, or what have you. And then some of us can't really grasp it much, at all.

But I also thought how much worry and thought goes in to decisions that matter, and of course as they matter in regards to others. And how 'easy' it is, that that comes naturally. But SI never seems quite as big a decision as some 'average' ones,.. maybe because we don't (or the person doesn't or can't) see themself as important? And I'm not really wanting to use the word 'important', just can't think of another. 'Of value', maybe. So such a decision doesn't feel the same vs 'important' things?

(Hope that makes sense. :rolleyes: )

 

[Tinyflame]

Something else occurred to me, although only from my own experience, I think recovery from SI is not as much like baby steps- yes but that's only a small part- maybe there are several parts? A better analogy might be post-surgery with general anaesthetic? Maybe ('we') try to do too much too soon, and pay the price for it? Maybe it requires help, redefinition, temporary or otherwise limitations, trusting we have value, from others and because we are 'here'?